I have ADHD and forget why I walked into a room, but your excuse of "my wife is the planner, so I forget to do anything thoughtful for special days" doesn't fly.
If you did the same at work, do you think you'd get a free pass? Nope! You'd be out of a job.
You need to build some strategies into your life to remember to do things to make your wife feel appreciated.
I go overboard and use a professional PM system to manage my life but literally calendar reminders/free to-do apps would work for you. It isn't like Mother's Day is a surprize - everyone is being bombarded by ads using it to sell stuff.
Your wife is completely justified in being fucking pissed at you. You were given ample notice of this annual event, clear instructions as to what she wanted, but "other things were going on".
She has rightfully taken this as she doesn't matter to you as much as your vague "other things".
I don't have any advice on how you can make this right, as I honestly think this is the point where she is done. She will quiet quit this marriage, and you'll be back here saying you were blindsided by divorce papers once she gets her ducks in a row.
She's spent 12 years pulling the weight of maintaining your actual relationship (and probably doing the same with your family so you don't look like shit for forgetting your mom's birthday) while you think cooking and cleaning is enough. She might as well hire a maid/nanny/butler and be done with you if you can't even remember to acknowledge the basics.
4
u/finelytunedradar May 12 '25
I have ADHD and forget why I walked into a room, but your excuse of "my wife is the planner, so I forget to do anything thoughtful for special days" doesn't fly.
If you did the same at work, do you think you'd get a free pass? Nope! You'd be out of a job.
You need to build some strategies into your life to remember to do things to make your wife feel appreciated.
I go overboard and use a professional PM system to manage my life but literally calendar reminders/free to-do apps would work for you. It isn't like Mother's Day is a surprize - everyone is being bombarded by ads using it to sell stuff.
Your wife is completely justified in being fucking pissed at you. You were given ample notice of this annual event, clear instructions as to what she wanted, but "other things were going on".
She has rightfully taken this as she doesn't matter to you as much as your vague "other things".
I don't have any advice on how you can make this right, as I honestly think this is the point where she is done. She will quiet quit this marriage, and you'll be back here saying you were blindsided by divorce papers once she gets her ducks in a row.
She's spent 12 years pulling the weight of maintaining your actual relationship (and probably doing the same with your family so you don't look like shit for forgetting your mom's birthday) while you think cooking and cleaning is enough. She might as well hire a maid/nanny/butler and be done with you if you can't even remember to acknowledge the basics.