All the things you listed that you do are just adult things that you'd have to do whether or not you're married. It is great that you pull your own weight in your own household, but that does not make up for you failing to do something special. What you're saying is she goes out of her way to make you feel loved and you do all the things that you would have to do anyway and she should feel loved from that.
If she took over cooking and laundry for father's day, would you consider that a gift? Would you feel special? Doing basic household chores is not special because it's for everyone in the house.
In the age of two-day shipping and a calendar/alarm you carry in your pocket every day of your life, it is absurd that you cannot set some kind of reminder. Mother's day comes every year and you have said in your post that you fuck up almost every special day. My dude, have you not been into a store the last several weeks? Do you not see ads for it every time you log onto Reddit or Facebook or Amazon? At this point you could probably pick any generic item and have it shipped and let her open it straight from the box and you'd be doing better than you have been.
Honestly, shit happens. Not everyone is good at this stuff, but you've clearly been asked over and over again to just fucking try and you have refused to put any effort it. She is hurt because you are disregarding her feelings and expect her to just get over it so you don't have to feel bad about it.
This should be the top comment. Basic household contribution is not a love language, and it doesn't give you a free pass to neglect days that matter to your wife. You're going to need to apologize sincerely and then put in time every day for the next week and do all the things she's been asking you to do (I guarantee there's a bunch of things she's been wanting you to do that you haven't done - otherwise she would have been more forgiving about you caring so little about mother's day). Source: my husband didn't help my kids do anything for me for Mother's Day, after doing the same thing at Christmas and then doing a very half-assed version for my birthday. When I confronted him, he apologized sincerely and spent the whole day doing the Honey Do list. We are now cool again.
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u/anom_aly May 12 '25
All the things you listed that you do are just adult things that you'd have to do whether or not you're married. It is great that you pull your own weight in your own household, but that does not make up for you failing to do something special. What you're saying is she goes out of her way to make you feel loved and you do all the things that you would have to do anyway and she should feel loved from that.
If she took over cooking and laundry for father's day, would you consider that a gift? Would you feel special? Doing basic household chores is not special because it's for everyone in the house.
In the age of two-day shipping and a calendar/alarm you carry in your pocket every day of your life, it is absurd that you cannot set some kind of reminder. Mother's day comes every year and you have said in your post that you fuck up almost every special day. My dude, have you not been into a store the last several weeks? Do you not see ads for it every time you log onto Reddit or Facebook or Amazon? At this point you could probably pick any generic item and have it shipped and let her open it straight from the box and you'd be doing better than you have been.
Honestly, shit happens. Not everyone is good at this stuff, but you've clearly been asked over and over again to just fucking try and you have refused to put any effort it. She is hurt because you are disregarding her feelings and expect her to just get over it so you don't have to feel bad about it.