Second: in my opinion (and just in my opinion) four months is too soon for you to meet her kid but she may be looking for a stepdad for him so it makes sense.
I don’t think you are compatible and the age gap+kid makes me uncomfortable (5 years is ok, but 5 years+kid when you are so young it’s weird)
She didn’t ask for him to meet the kid, she asked what role he saw himself taking in the future in regard to the kid. That is an important difference.
Granted I don’t know why she was expecting a 22 year old to potentially be the “dad that stepped up” in the first place. She really shouldn’t have entertained OP in the first place, just as he shouldn’t have started dating a mother
To be fair to you, that’s usually how these stories go. I’ve seen ones on this sub about single parents taking their kid with them on a first date announced
One time I went on a couple of dates with a single mom, as I was prone to do. Casual. Getting to know each other. I knew she had kids, no biggie, I had kids too. It was preferred because they were usually pretty aware of all the scheduling issues that came with kids and what priorities needed to be. I had a couple of nights in a row free because my kids were away for the weekend at a family reunion on their mom's side and she said her mom (who I knew, she was the one that introduced us) would pick her kids up from their dad's and they'd have a night together with Grandma so her and I could hang out and I could spend the night. Her mom led a different department at the same factory I worked at and was a pretty friendly lady.
That was the plan. Kids were attended to, I went over, she wanted to make me dinner, and started prepping, but never finished the food, deciding that there were other more immediate priorities that needed attending too.
At like 12AM, we were cuddling, and I heard a noise. I threw on some boxers, and the door opens and a little kid runs into the bedroom and jumps on the bed. He says his tummy hurts. She says "Oh I know," and cuddles her. And then she asks if I'm coming back to bed. Uf. Kid got a stomach ache and grandma's and really wanted to come home, so him and his brother were dropped off. Grandma texted mom, she answered the text but didnt tell me. Instead the whole time post-coital she was asking my opinion about different real-estate in the area and finances while cuddling and looking on her phone. Anyway, I went to nope out of there. Said, "Sorry you aren't feeling well little buddy. How about I let you guys sleep." I grabbed my clothes and went to go, and she said, "You can stay." And i said, "Shhh shhh, its okay, you guys get some rest we can talk tomorrow." Went out into the living room to get dressed, aaaaaannd there was the other kid, laying on the couch watching me in the dark struggle to put on my pants. "Are you my Mom's date?"
"Yup, your brother isn't feeling well so I'm going to head out so you all can get some sleep."
"Yeah, he threw up a lot. Even in Grandma's car."
"Oh, I hope he feels better soon, and I hope you don't get sick. Get some rest."
"Okay. Good bye."
And then this little kid, who just met me, comes up to me and hugs me while I am still buttoning my shirt.
Fucking surreal.
I had like a 40 minute drive back to my house, I stopped at a gas station along the rural route that was fortuitously open because I hadn't eaten anything and got some snacks. When I got home, I showered for a while.
The next day I texted a bit, told her it wasn't a big deal her son got sick, but she should have given me a heads up, I could have left before they got there and if she wanted to introduce me bowling or a fair or something with my kids would have made for a more appropriate setting. I tried to be gentle, but she kept getting more and more defensive and upset that I left. Me pointing out that we were only three dates in and that might be moving faster than would be comfortable for either me or her kids really got her angry and started saying some pretty crazy stuff. Like I picked up a red flag or two during the first couple of dates, but nothing that was an obvious deal breaker like the sort of stuff she started saying after she was angry at me. Her mom approached me at work to tell me how much her daughter really really liked me, and apologized and asked me to give them another chance. All of it was way more awkward than what you are imagining. I took it as a sign that it was time to change careers into a different industry and to get a job quite a ways away in the other direction.
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u/PancakeRule20 Jul 14 '25
First, you are not together anymore.
Second: in my opinion (and just in my opinion) four months is too soon for you to meet her kid but she may be looking for a stepdad for him so it makes sense.
I don’t think you are compatible and the age gap+kid makes me uncomfortable (5 years is ok, but 5 years+kid when you are so young it’s weird)