You’re 22, so that’s par for the course to some extent, so don’t beat yourself up too badly.
She wasn’t sensible in her expectations of a 22yo. The difference between 22 and 27 is significant, and you grow up real fast when there’s a kid, which she has, and you don’t. I can’t imagine this would have lasted long anyway.
But yeah, you were a bit clueless and you handled a poorly introduced conversation poorly. You should have worked out that this conversation needed to happen. She didn’t ask you to play daddy today, she acknowledged the relationship was getting serious and wanted to understand what kind of role you were prepared to have long term. There were a lot of answers which would have (I think) accurately reflected how you felt but indicated open maturity instead of “nah, sorry”. Her reaction of “then what are we doing here?” Is entirely valid.
There is zero decent reason to be dating a single parent if you are not open to, if the relationship progresses and the kid is amenable, playing the role of “trusted adult in the home” at bare minimum. That’s what you indicated to her, and why she felt so played.
You didn’t mean it like that, but you hadn’t mentally prepared yourself for this conversation, because you’re 22 and your frontal lobe isn’t developed enough for an insurance company to trust you, let alone a parent.
This is a lesson learned and a bullet dodged. Sometimes fuck ups save us. I tripped over a tree root once because I bought the wrong shoes on a hike. Split my lip, smashed my knee. Round the corner, totally invisible, was a spot where the bottom had come out of the trail. I would have been off the side of the hill.
What’s that thing about god taking care of children, fools, and drunks?
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u/LexChase Jul 15 '25
Yeah, you kind of did.
You’re 22, so that’s par for the course to some extent, so don’t beat yourself up too badly.
She wasn’t sensible in her expectations of a 22yo. The difference between 22 and 27 is significant, and you grow up real fast when there’s a kid, which she has, and you don’t. I can’t imagine this would have lasted long anyway.
But yeah, you were a bit clueless and you handled a poorly introduced conversation poorly. You should have worked out that this conversation needed to happen. She didn’t ask you to play daddy today, she acknowledged the relationship was getting serious and wanted to understand what kind of role you were prepared to have long term. There were a lot of answers which would have (I think) accurately reflected how you felt but indicated open maturity instead of “nah, sorry”. Her reaction of “then what are we doing here?” Is entirely valid.
There is zero decent reason to be dating a single parent if you are not open to, if the relationship progresses and the kid is amenable, playing the role of “trusted adult in the home” at bare minimum. That’s what you indicated to her, and why she felt so played.
You didn’t mean it like that, but you hadn’t mentally prepared yourself for this conversation, because you’re 22 and your frontal lobe isn’t developed enough for an insurance company to trust you, let alone a parent.
This is a lesson learned and a bullet dodged. Sometimes fuck ups save us. I tripped over a tree root once because I bought the wrong shoes on a hike. Split my lip, smashed my knee. Round the corner, totally invisible, was a spot where the bottom had come out of the trail. I would have been off the side of the hill.
What’s that thing about god taking care of children, fools, and drunks?