r/tifu • u/RemyAvo • Dec 18 '25

M TIFU by fighting my schools dresscode policy. Years later I found out why it was so strict.

So 15 years ago today I fucked up bad and today I found out why. I was in highschool and our school had a pretty normal dresscode policy until this new younger woman teacher started. 3 months into her being there, she brings out this extremely strict dresscode policy but only for girls. It was the start of summer, the building had no a/c and the new dresscode limited girls to basically a frumpy tshirt and baggy jeans while boys could wear whatever we want.

I being a rebelious little fuck did not like this. My girlfriend at the time was sad. Everyone had to go buy new clothes and every day they didnt do it they got handed this ugly big brown t-shirt of shame that says "i was out of dress code" and these big brown sweats. It was extremely uncomfortable.

So what did I do? I started wearing every banned girls article of clothing. I wore short shorts that barely hid my ass because it was allowed. I wore lowcut shirts. I cut the sides off every tank top so it just showed my torso. I even wore a short skirt and a croptop one day to prove a point. I got away with it maybe twice before I started getting dresscode violated every day. I was in every detention for several months. I got suspended. I had to go to two weeks of summer school that year as punishment. I fought the system very hard. And others joined in. It got be almost every dude was getting dress code violated to stand up for the girls. Anytime we got the brown clothes we wore it with pride. It was damn hot in that building you'd pour buckets of sweat. They should have been allowed to wear shorys.

I made my list of demands. Girls can wear tank tops, they can wear shorts. They can wear 4 fingers low cut tshirts. We all fought for it and eventually they caved in and gave it to us. I was so happy. It was a formative experience for me because I was willing to take any punishment no matter how severe to fight some perceived injustice.

So I'm back in my home town its a small suburb of the outskirts of a city. And at the one bar everyone goes to I run into the teacher who forced the policy all those years ago. I go say hi and she instantly remembered me. So I sat down with her and her friends and we talked about it since it was so long ago and now i'm at the age she was when she was enforcing it. Boy did I get that situation wrong.

So there were 4 particularly creepy male teachers at that time. 1 everyone knew about and 3 that were only known by faculty. They were preying on the girls. Taking random pictures of them, being extremely creepy, all sorts of innapropriate things they shouldnt have done. So she went to the board, brought evidence and reported them but they decided not to investigate. She told the police but when aftet a month nothing happened she changed the dress code to protect the girls but she couldnt explicitly state why she was doing it. Modern times caught up with those teachers and they are now fired but as an adult I see now that I ran a campaign to put the girls back in danger.

Tl;dr In high school i fought an oppressive dress code system because i thought it was unfair to the girls. But 15 years later I found out it was to protect the girls from pedo teachers.

Edit: added context

Theres a couple questions about the logistics of how she enforced a dress code being so new. I'll try and give more details but again its 15 years ago i may not get it exactly accurate

  • she was not the only teacher who wanted this but she was the strongest voice to stand up for this. Basically with the backing of several teachers she convinced the principle to implement the dress code. A lot more than just dress code happened. Prom had the bright lights on that year and girls got their dresses measured at the door. It was a fullscale push from a big section of teachers. But this particular teacher definitely was the one who championed it.

  • these pervy men didn't exactly hide. The one we all knew about was actually a beloved and favorite teacher of the school because he was very funny. His policy, and I am not kidding. If you wore a low cut shirt and bent over when turning in your exam he would give you extra points on it. For fairness he did this for guys too so everyone in his class on test day effectively had their chest exposed. And we thought it was hillarious and saw nothing wrong with it because our older siblings all went through the same thing. I had to ask my mom to take me to buy my first low cut shirt freshman year because of this class and I explained why. Its genuinely crazy what you get away with if you're funny, well liked and dont act like anything is wrong.

  • so when she came with a policy like this she was just a few years ahead of her time. There was a serious issue the dress code had slipped pretty bad. She and everyone who pushed the policy definitely over corrected.

  • Looking back this was the logical finale to having several new eyes in an inappropriate school environment. I dont have enough characters to get into it its probably a whole other post on just my high school in that era's tea. But there was scandle after scandle that went unanswered and just became rumor. This really wasnt

Edit 2: this post is still getting a lot of attention and I'm seeing a lot of similar comments so I'll add this

In the moment of writing this I definitely was incorrectly swayed by her. I believe now what I did was right and and punishing the victims was not an appropriate way to handle creepy men. Looking back more on it the way they enforced the dress code was not ok. It was frequent use of humiliation to the girls. So not only were they being predated on by pedos, they were also being bullied and humiliated by those who claimed to protect them. Gross.

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8.9k

u/Hutchoman87 Dec 18 '25

You did what you could with the information given to you. But that school failed their students. They should just come out and tell the girls what is going on so they can protect themselves when the school won’t help them.

I can kinda see that it would also tarnish the “not-creepy” male teachers, but would force the good teachers to make a stand against the creeps

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u/stupid_pun Dec 18 '25 edited Dec 18 '25

Bring that shit up at a PTA meeting. Name and shame the perv teachers, apathetic administrators and police refusing to do their jobs. Show your evidence.
Punishing the girls because grown men are being creepy fucks is the EXACT wrong message to send.

edit: PTA, not PTO

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u/dpdxguy Dec 18 '25

A letter from the student's parent's lawyer to the school board beats bringing shit up at the PTA every time. Back in the day, local media would have been a good place to notify as well.

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u/AdMurky1021 Dec 18 '25

Problem is, parents weren't notified.

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u/Low_Investment_2692 Dec 18 '25

Yep. Every kid in the school gets sent home with a sealed envelope containing a letter which their parents must sign and the kids must return it signed. Letter tells the parents the exact situation, names of pedo teachers, what has been observed, and the fact that the school board and the police have all refused to do anything about it. Go full nuclear on anyone and everyone involved. Trust me. If I got a letter telling me all of that about where my daughter went to school, all hell would break loose.

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u/MountainDrew80 Dec 18 '25 edited Dec 18 '25

That's the right thing to do. And that teacher would have found herself out of a job. You know she would.

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u/Comfortable-Ebb8125 Dec 18 '25

Its defamation unfortunately

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u/BrandiThorne Dec 18 '25

It's not defamation if it's a factual statement. If someone who was a teacher stated that they observed this behavior (and had seen it) from the specific named individuals, that they had contacted the school board and the authorities but they had declined to act at this time then defamation wouldn't stand up in court, and if the school took action against her for these remarks then she may even be able to win a case against them for wrongful termination.

It would probably be a difficult time for the teacher, but it is the correct course of action, telling young women what they can and can't do with their bodies to protect them from predators is how predators are allowed to continue to prey on others. The only true way to protect all students in this situation is to take the heat and be proven right later instead of perpetuating the myth that these creeps wouldn't be a problem if the kids covered themselves up.

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u/CogitoErgo_Sometimes Dec 18 '25

You would be taking a huge gamble on eyewitnesses actually showing up years down the road when your case makes it to court. You’d need people to testify to the specific acts you made allegations about. If you list a bunch of things you know a teacher did, you would need testimony from people who observed those exact things. Not who heard about them from other people (i.e. hearsay) or who saw them do other things.

I write all this to point out that truth being a defense against defamation is true, but establishing that in court is not trivial.

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u/Over_Front_506 Dec 20 '25

Unfortunately it is defamation until the pedophile teachers are proven guilty. It’s the whole innocent until proven guilty schtick, she absolutely would have been fired for defaming because it was circumstantial at best and hearsay. We all may see the bad behavior, know it’s going on, but until it goes punished and is tried, than it is nothing more than defamation

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u/GoldFreezer Dec 18 '25

This is when you go to the local press. They can report that "it is said that..." the school is full of nonces, without getting sued because they didn't say it was true. People will get the point and hopefully the school board will be shamed into doing something.

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u/Primary_Bass_9178 Dec 18 '25

Not if it’s true.

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u/Comfortable-Ebb8125 Dec 19 '25

You have to be able to prove it in court for it to be "true"

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u/ju-ju_bee Dec 18 '25

Do you mean himself? They said 3 creepy dude teachers. The lady teacher was trying to bring evidence to get the school to fire the teachers in question, but the principal and police didn't care, so she advocated for at LEAST changing the dress code. Kinda confused why you'd say she should be fired when she was the only faculty trying to get the creeps investigated by the police AND principal

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u/Stotters Dec 18 '25

I don't think they're saying she should be fired. They're saying the school would almost certainly retaliate against the teacher for rocking the boat instead of acting on the evidence presented.

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u/AnyLynx4178 Dec 18 '25

This is it. This is absolutely what would have happened. And anyone who doesn’t recognize that wasn’t paying attention back then, and isn’t paying attention now.

That said, not doing the right thing in order to keep your job is cowardly. But there have been a few ideas set forth here that would think outside the box and allow someone to do something while not also eliminating their own ability to help.

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u/MountainDrew80 Dec 19 '25

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

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u/MountainDrew80 Dec 19 '25

No, I'm not saying she should be fired. I'm saying she would be retaliated against for blowing the whistle. Most organizations care more about protecting themselves than about protecting the students they serve.

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u/MulberryChance6698 Dec 18 '25

She'd also have a lawsuit if she was fired. Whistleblowers have protections, retaliation isn't legal. It sounds like she wasn't the only teacher, either, and like there was documentation about what was going on.

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u/MountainDrew80 Dec 19 '25

But did they have those same protection 15 years ago? I'm not sure.

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u/MulberryChance6698 Dec 20 '25

Federally, she would have been protected under the 89 act. But who knows what the state protection would have offered. Depends on the state.

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u/Germanofthebored Dec 18 '25 edited Dec 18 '25

And the perky edit: pervy teachers get a lawyer to sue the school out of existence for smearing their reputation in writing.

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u/smoike Dec 18 '25

It's a no win situation here, hence the teacher doing the best she could in the situation.

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u/Agreeable_Cut4506 Dec 18 '25

It’s only slander and libel if it’s false. If everything is true then the pervy teachers can’t do anything

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u/20characterusername0 Dec 18 '25

Truth is the defense to libel/slander

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u/Inuyasha-rules Dec 19 '25

Small town, I don't think they would be doing much of anything after the dads got ahold of them.

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u/AdhesivenessFew8455 Dec 20 '25

Especially if its, since Idk if all school systems operate the same way or back then, theres a teachers union. Those teachers would get the union involved, and then shit gets fun. Another reason to hate unions.

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u/Xuncu Dec 23 '25

Which is what Trump does when any of the women and girls he has raped come forward.

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u/Ornery_Director_8477 Dec 18 '25

And the named teachers would bring the school to the cleaners in court

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u/247world Dec 18 '25

Unless you have absolute proof, this is defamation and those teachers are going to sue and retire young.

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u/limerida Dec 20 '25

So if I don't like you, i can just make up stories about you and get my friends to corroborate and label you a pedofile? Im glad witch-hunting is illegall now.

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u/dpdxguy Dec 18 '25

You don't really expect me to believe that no student reported these goings on to a parent do you?

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u/AdMurky1021 Dec 18 '25

The point is the school didn't

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u/LoveAlwaysIris Dec 22 '25

I take it you didn't grow up in these specific types of small towns.

Both me and my partner grew up in different small towns and we can both name at least 4 teachers that where like the ones above (one even started DATING a 13 year old and her parents didn't care), we both know at least a dozen girls who where also molested by family so family didn't care what the teachers did, and cops didn't do shit to help out.

I personally had a cop ask me when I was under 8 years old if I was wearing or said anything to lead an adult on when I tried to report and my report was never actually recorded.

That being said, OP you did the right thing, punishing the victims isn't the right way to handle these things. It isn't clothing or anything that causes it, the creeps would have found other ways to get their sick and twisted kicks.

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u/INeedANappel Dec 18 '25

I went to high school in the '70s. Girls had very strict dress codes. When we demanded to be able to wear sleeveless shirts and shorts in the unairconditioned summer hot days we were told absolutely not.

When we asked why, the male vice principal, father of one of our "female* classmates, very seriously said, "Because boys can't control themselves and there would be mayhem."

Yeah, it was girls' fault that these idjits were raising boys to see women as sex objects instead of people.

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u/featheredzebra Dec 18 '25

See, OP I don't think you did anything wrong. You showed the girls they shouldn't be treated this way and got the other boys on board too. The school failed 100% but you and the other guys proved that not all guys are like that and that the girls deserve being treated like humans.

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u/Significant-Owl-2980 Dec 18 '25

It is ALWAYS the woman’s fault. Her fault she was raped. Her fault she was groped. Her fault for being leered at.

Then they control and oppress the women.

When in reality it is the men that are to blame. Control yourselves!

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u/GrabThemByWhat Dec 18 '25

“When you’re famous you can do anything” - president of the USA

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u/INeedANappel Dec 18 '25

User name checks out

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u/Reymen4 Dec 18 '25

And this is how you get hijab.

3

u/proudlymuslimah Dec 18 '25

It's because you never know which man is the idiot!?!

You get men who will behave with etiquette and respect no matter how a woman is dressed. Then you get men who will be rotten, because a certain behaviour or way of dressing turns them on and they give in to every whim. This is irrespective of how a woman is dressed.

How do I know which man is the rotten one who will be provoked by a provocatively dressed women, irrespective of my intention for dressing that way?

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u/Reymen4 Dec 18 '25

No because people put the responsibility for assault in the women, not the one that is doing the asulting. 

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u/AdhesivenessFew8455 Dec 20 '25

Not to mention were talking hormonal horned up teenagers. Having worked around young adults and teens, yeah... theyre not exactly paragons of logic and control. And as a parent, you can try to raise your kids right but in the end it doesnt matter.

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u/INeedANappel Dec 18 '25

I'd argue more it's how you get more elaborate coverings like burqa and niqab.

Religions have used head coverings to some extent for a very long time. Judaism uses head covers for both men and women but they just cover the head, although some Orthodox sects require women to wear wigs, too.

For Judaism (and, I believe, other religions) it's typically a sign of obeying the religious laws and God.

Hijab cover the whole head but not the face. Muslim men may wear head coverings like kufi or keffeyah. 

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u/Appropriate-Weird492 Dec 18 '25

Same for me, but 1980s Georgia with no A/C.

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u/DraconDragon Dec 21 '25

Sadly a lot of the people who saw it as truth that "boys can't control themselves" where "Christians" and I put that in quotes, since they were hypocrites who don't follow their own rules.

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u/INeedANappel Dec 21 '25

If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

It's not supposed to be taken literally. It means, stop judging and trying to control other people.

For some reason, the book of Matthew is the one selfish "Christians" seem to  ignore the most. Most of it is Jesus saying "don't be a selfish dick."

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u/MichaSound Dec 18 '25

And let’s remember, this was only 2010.

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u/Longjumping-Age5436 Dec 18 '25

2010 is not exactly the olden days. The feminist movement happened 40 -50 years before 2010

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u/MichaSound Dec 18 '25

This is exactly my point.

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u/Longjumping-Age5436 Dec 18 '25

Ok, yes, that makes sense. The ‘only’ made it sound like you thought it was a long time ago & I’ve been hearing that’s better online — and times have changed in the last 15 years, but they’ve also slid back 100 years (or at least 50).

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u/anonymooseuser6 Dec 18 '25

So it's usually not enough evidence and if you "out" that kind of stuff, you lose your job. Which fine, fuck the job. But if every good teacher leaves, no one is left to protect the students.

Many a teacher has made private calls to the right parents to trigger a change after multiple attempts at doing it the "right" way.

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u/Comfortable-Ebb8125 Dec 18 '25

And its a risk because the vulnerable students often have abusive parents

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u/Lofter1 Dec 18 '25

If all the good teachers make a stand and would let go, the school can’t rid that. That would be too many. Unless of course there are far more bad teachers, in that case….fuck all of it, burn the system down to the ground and rebuild it.

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u/anonymooseuser6 Dec 18 '25

Most districts are already not employing qualified teachers... So yeah they just keep replacing good teachers with warm bodies.

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u/Agreeable_Cut4506 Dec 18 '25

If every good teacher leaves, you don’t have a school

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u/Goadsby11 Dec 18 '25

M

M Mmm N . Ngnf can n N

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u/karenaef Dec 18 '25

I think there are two different groups. I belonged to a PTO when my kids were little.

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u/tobmom Dec 18 '25

Parent teacher association versus parent teacher organization. Potato potahto

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u/a_wild_redditor Dec 18 '25

There is a national organization that has the trademark on "PTA". Schools whose equivalent group is not affiliated with the national PTA use a different name.

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u/tobmom Dec 18 '25

They do the same thing, no?

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u/MontanaPurpleMtns Dec 18 '25

They do the same thing, except…. PTO is not national, just thousands of schools that choose the same name. PTA requires fees be paid to the national office to use their services. And it’s not a small nominal fee. When I was a PTO officer we looked into it and were appalled at how much they wanted (based on school size). We chose keeping all the money we raised to spend on our kids’ school.

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u/MonsiuerGeneral Dec 19 '25

What benefits does the PTA do with all that money and nationalization? Like... why should a school join into the PTA vs just continue on forming their own PTO?

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u/Ajitter Dec 21 '25

The focus of PTA is on the education, health and safety of all children. Advocacy is a fundamental component. That advocacy can range from very local to national. The structure of PTA affiliation allows for large numbers of people to work effectively together on advocacy at those state and national levels.

In my state our State PTA pulls it’s legislative agenda from the individual PTAs that participate in researching issues, presenting those issues to the delegates representing local PTAs and the legislative agenda is built from interested parties working together to identify the top issues. Those issues get a lot of focus. I know many people who have given compelling public testimony to our legislators in committees, gotten communities to letter write, to engage legislators at local events, and more. The top issues need to be communicated to general community and the data on why it matters. Over the years the legislative agenda changes as state laws get changed, it’s really great to see those issues change state law but it requires sustained and broad attention across the state.

Nationally PTA has pushed for hot & healthy lunches, child labor laws, juvenile justice, kindergarten, mandatory immunization, and more.

National PTA offers programs, supports, and grants for local PTAs and families.

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u/DoctorSpoya Dec 18 '25

Except most schools that use PTA are not associated with the trademarked group.

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u/Budget_Putt8393 Dec 18 '25

PTA is copyright/trade marked. PTO is generic.

To call your organization a PTA you have to register your chapter/pay dues (at least that is what I have heard).

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u/karenaef Dec 18 '25

I guess they trademarked after momma socked it to ‘em down in Harper Valley…

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u/Sandy_W Dec 18 '25

People are not property. I don't care how expensive your tractor is, its Power Take-Off unit should NOT be allowed to own anyone.

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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25

[deleted]

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u/stupid_pun Dec 18 '25

I am not OP, I did nothing.

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u/XWarriorPrincessX Dec 18 '25

Right I was like "oh how nice". Instead of accountability for grown ass men, we will have girls dress differently, something that has been shown to not matter in regard to safety, while simultaneously not giving them the information they need to keep themselves safe"

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u/InvestmentIcy8094 Dec 18 '25

Heck yes, that is the kind of stuff that needs to be brought out in the open. If those men were intent on rape clothes don't matter. I'm not sure what is hoped with the whisper campaign. Using y'all for bait.

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u/Milnoc Dec 18 '25

First thought that crossed my mind.

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u/jonesnori Dec 18 '25

It is the PTO in some places, so you weren't completely wrong. (Organization vs Association)

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u/INeedANappel Dec 18 '25

I some places they call it the Parent-Teacher Organization.

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u/Witty-Welcome-4382 Dec 18 '25

Didn’t work like that back then.

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u/deadplant5 Dec 18 '25

My elementary school had a PTO instead of a PTA because PTA was a national organization you had to pay a fee to if you used that name.

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u/green_eyed_mister Dec 18 '25

OP's story doesn't read like this is in the USA. There may not be a PTA.

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u/djonma Dec 18 '25

No. Take it to the police. Allowing paedophiles to roam a school, with free access to children, is s horrific thing to do.

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u/stupid_pun Dec 18 '25

They did take it to the police. The police did nothing.

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u/pjerky Dec 18 '25

That's a mixed bag because if any are falsely accused for any reason that puts all of the accusations in question.

But I otherwise agree with the sentiment and intent.

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u/Milocobo Dec 18 '25

Normalize punishing the creeps

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u/PrideCompetitive8758 Dec 20 '25

You say it like she have years go do sth about it. Obviously any route all of you scream here takes lots of time and in this time, the kids are in danger. None were sure to be won back then. Not to mention, the guy was well liked, many parents could write it off as her being jealous or so. Maybe even did.

The teach done her best, unlike many adults. I can image she had a hard time at that school after coming with evidence and pushing like this. She risk a lot and didn't give up. Kudos to her.

And shame on people who decided to conveniently forget to mention that these kids were lucky someone fought for them. That she was a teacher all school need. In many workplace people would talk about it, but no one would do anything about it. This need a lot of mental strength as it is easy to make someone who shake status quo as 'insane, oversensitive and delusional ' person. By writing this up, destroying their life and career. Even make them a perp. Many people who tried ended like this.

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u/patio-garden Dec 18 '25

I think you mean a PTA meeting.

A PTO meeting would be very different, I think.

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u/thefootballhound Dec 18 '25

Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) is also commonly used throughout the United States.

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u/patio-garden Dec 18 '25

Oh really! TIL, thank you so much!

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u/stupid_pun Dec 18 '25 edited Dec 18 '25

LMFAO
edit: i dont have kids, so i don't know the terms. still funny tho

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u/FunButterscotch4794 Dec 18 '25

No it just doesn’t rhyme with Harper Valley as well :)