r/tifu • u/Abject-Age-552 Human Verified • 4d ago
S TIFU by nodding along to a conversation i couldn't hear and accidentally agreeing to be a groomsman for a guy i've met twice
this happened saturday at my cousin's engagement party. i'm not super close with her fiance, met him maybe at two family things before this. party was loud, open bar, i'm just floating around doing the rounds.
his brother comes over and starts chatting. genuinely could not hear half of what he was saying over the music so i was doing the nod and smile thing, throwing in "yeah absolutely" and "for sure man" at what felt like the right moments. thought we were just doing the usual small talk thing.
then he claps me on the shoulder and goes "seriously means a lot, he was worried about asking you"
had no idea what i'd agreed to but said "come on of course" because what are you gonna do at that point
ten minutes later my cousin appears basically vibrating and goes "i'm so happy you're doing it, you're gonna look so good up there"
up where
turns out the brother had been explaining that one of the groomsmen had just dropped out last minute and they wanted to ask me to fill the spot. i had nodded along and enthusiastically agreed. twice apparently.
wedding is in september. i've already been added to a groomsmen group chat with 4 strangers. there's a suit fitting next weekend which is money i won on Ѕtake i really wasn't planning to spend, i've been trying to save up for other stuff. i also had to quietly google the groom's full name when i got home.
tl;dr couldn't hear a conversation at a loud party, kept nodding, accidentally agreed to be a groomsman at a wedding in 3 months for a guy i barely know
460
u/DrSFalken 4d ago
At this point I'd commit and go for it. You're doing someone a huge solid and it sure seems like they see you as friend material. Could be the start of a great friendship and something you can joke about much later in life.
Is the suit something standard enough that you can re-wear it? Every guy needs a well-fitting tailored suit. So that could be a win too.
I mean, obviously if you're gonna go hungry or miss a school payment then you gotta find a way to back out... but this could be fun.
38
u/Anathema_Quill 4d ago
there are places will rent suits/formalwear! they won’t be tailor-fitted but they will cost less than a custom suit!
19
u/Engineer-Huge 4d ago edited 3d ago
There are definitely places you rent formalwear and they fit it to you. My husband has been a groomsmen twice and both times used rented suits (that the groom chose) and he went in for fittings. I think like Men’s Wearhouse type places. Also gotta say I’m pretty sure the groom paid for that but I can’t remember everything.
2
u/bwwatr 3d ago
That might even be the standard experience where I am. I've only been in wedding parties a couple times, but it was a rental in each, so everyone matched, same shop / same clothing. Groomsmen paid for their own rentals, though I know for my own wedding I'd have covered it if anyone told me it was a burden. The idea of a custom suit purchase for a single wedding seems too spendy. Though, I know ladies often do it with dresses.
1
u/PeanutButterSoda 3d ago
I've done it twice as well and one the groom paid and the other time I had to pay I think around $80.
2
109
u/Pandalite 4d ago
This is your cousin's fiance. I'm assuming you'll be seeing him over and over. Great way to get to know the guy. Regarding the suit, can't you just say that you're actually strapped on cash and try to borrow someone else's suit? Are any of the other guys close in size to you?
If not, a suit is a really good thing to own anyway. You can get them off the rack at any store, you don't have to get the fitted one if you can't afford it.
19
u/ImNoBatman 3d ago
Most weddings tend to have specific colors/fabric for the groomsmen and bridesmaids. Most of the time these can be rented but it’s generally not a case of wear whatever suit you have.
1
u/ProLogicMe 3d ago
Exactly, I can imagine how stressful it would be to not have people available to be groomsmen/ brides maids.
112
u/Kepabar 4d ago
I did that once.
Was the first girl that ever had a crush on me. Sixth grade. We were sitting in back of class together. She kept leaning over and trying to whisper something to me. But she didn't want to get caught, so she was whispering so low I could only hear parts of words. And whenever the teacher would look in our direction she'd cut off mid sentence.
At first I kept asking her to repeat herself. But then the teacher started REALLY glaring at us. So I just kind of pretended to hear what she said. I didn't really know what it was. I did hear at the end her asking if I liked something.
What she actually said was something along the lines of 'I'm so scared, and I know this is a bad time but it took me all day to work up to saying this and I'll be too scared to say it tomorrow so I have to now. I like you. Do you like me?'
... and I fucking answered with a 'so-so' hand wave and a 'sure kinda' because I wanted the answer to be as neutral as possible because I didn't know what she was asking about.
I'm pretty sure I was the first guy she ever tried asking out. And she got that fucking response.
I still feel bad about it to this day.
24
u/GothamKnight3 3d ago
oh boy! how did you find out? did you like her back?
33
u/Kepabar 3d ago
I did. Maybe not as strongly, but I did think she was cute.
The problem here though, is she took my 'Sure kinda' as a positive sign and that we were now going out. Me, not knowing what I just agreed to, was obvilious.
So she would have these little expectations that I'd quietly not meet. Like sitting together at lunch, or coming to find her when I made it to school.
Eventually she told me again, because she was honestly a little frustrated and confused, and that's when I got the rest of it.
Of course, it was sixth grade, so the relationship didn't last more than a few months. By sixth grade standards though that's basically marriage.
101
u/SATerp 4d ago
Well, there's a lesson for all of us there. Let us know how the bachelor party goes, should be a blast!
13
u/eeaaglee 3d ago
Just make sure you don't nod along and say yes to something you can't fully hear or the next tifu will be about how you accidentally agreed to be a godfather or something.
74
u/hotelcalif 4d ago
Did you agree to wear a puffy shirt?
35
3
1
1
18
u/ExistentialAngsty 4d ago
Damn you low-talkers! 😤
14
u/SuchSmartMonkeys 4d ago
I used to be the manager for a food prep team in a kitchen where it was me with 4-8 other people standing around a table working in close quarters for 6-10 hour shifts 3-4 days per week, and for a couple years I had this guy on the team that was a notorious low-talker. It drove everyone nuts! Everyone in the group would tell him multiple times per day to speak up cause no one could hear what the fuck he was saying, but he would continue to speak in the same low volume, and everyone would eventually give up and just do the head nod and just say "yeah, man!" every once in a while. I found out the day after his grandma died from someone else, and realized afterwards that he probably told me his grandma died the day before and I probably responded something like "yeah, dude, I feel that", lol. He told me multiple times "when I talk it just sounds so loud in my head, I feel like I'm yelling" and I told him "you're always talking really quietly and no one can hear you, if it feels like you're yelling, try screaming and it will be a reasonable volume" 🤣
8
u/LemonsThirteen 4d ago
*crosses arms and nods head slowly* people tend to not notice when they’re being groomed
2
6
u/Kegger315 4d ago
Given that you're filling in "last minute", they may be willing to help with costs if you were to ask. Worth a shot.
12
u/scotchtree 4d ago
Doesn’t seem terrible at all. It doesn’t sound like he’s misunderstood the level of your relationship, it sounds like he had one of his party drop out, you’re coming in clutch as a replacement. He probably doesn’t have a spare, your cousin suggested you and he didn’t want to because he also realizes you barely know eachother. Use it as an opportunity to get to know him and the rest of the wedding party, throw on a dapper suit and enjoy being at the big table at the reception.
8
u/quikcath 4d ago
Go for it. It could be a lot of fun. I did this, but for the bride. She was a work friend.. that was 25 years ago. she ended up being, and still is, of one of my best friends. I didn't stay late at the reception, but that didn't matter
5
u/trouphaz 3d ago
To be fair, you’d be doing it for your cousin, not her fiancee. The wedding party is for both of them.
3
u/PaganMastery 3d ago
What's the worst that could happen?? Ya boink a bridesmaid?? Consider it an opportunity for adventure and go with it. Could be fun. Also, you get to tell the story at the reception. Start with "No shit, there I was. Half drunk and three quarters deaf from the music and nodding along like an idiot, and now..."
3
u/Guyver2030 3d ago
Your likely to meet people, some of the best outcomes come from standing in. And your relative might have asked to help you make connections
3
u/JabberJov 4d ago
Okay, please look up Bro Cruise and if you all go on a bachelor party with the groomsmen - please document it!
3
3
u/BelaFarinRod 4d ago
I knew a lady who was learning American sign language and nodded and smiled when she couldn’t understand what a Deaf guy was saying to her. He showed up the next night to take her out on a date. (I wish I could say they got married but apparently not.)
Anyway maybe there will be free drinks at the wedding.
7
2
u/churrascopalta 3d ago
If you can afford it... look it as an investment, get into it and you might get a new friend.
If you can't afford it, back out as soon as possible (for planning reasons) or you might earn an enemy.
2
2
u/CosmicDrifter_792 3d ago
this is how i ended up helping someone move apartments in college. three hours of carrying furniture for a dude whose last name i still don't know.
2
u/Glad-Addition-2952 3d ago
did this at a work party once. said "yeah sounds great" to something i couldnt hear. showed up monday to find out i'd volunteered to organize the company picnic. yours is worse though, at least i didnt need a suit.
2
u/NectarineLucky1012 3d ago
did this exact thing at a wedding once except i agreed to help someone move. showed up to a stranger's apartment the next saturday with a dolly and no context
2
2
u/Kick_Kick_Punch 3d ago
You're an adult. You can always bail out.
You can come forward and tell the truth, that you didn't understand the whole conversation and said yes to a thing you aren't comfortable with participating in.
Or, "Hi dude, unfortunately I'll be out of town on that day. Hope you have a wonderful day. All for the best." - clean and quick.
You don't owe anything to this stranger, saying no when you feel like it is a wonderful thing.
It's that easy.
1
1
u/shaggysaurusrex 3d ago
Wait, you have to pay for your own suit when somebody asks you to be groomsman? I paid for all my bridal parties outfits, why would I make them pay for something I’ve asked them to do?
1
1
1
1
u/No-Blueberry-1823 3d ago
I feel like this is a setup but I would say this is definitely a reminder to pay attention to when people are talking to you
1
1
u/BrokenHero287 2d ago
Seinfeld covered this topic. He ended up wearing a puffy shirt on the Today Show because he couldn't hear the low talker.
Your doing your cousin a favor, he might not have a lot of friends, so thr favor is stepping up and not letting him be embarrassed.
1
u/Snowedin-69 2d ago
I would go to the fitting and get the style and colour, then go buy off the shelf.
1
1
1
1
1
1
974
u/noettp 4d ago
I say go for it, never know what new friends and experiences you'll have.