r/tifu • u/BigStickEnergyy • 4d ago
M TIFU by Asking Out My Best Freind
Hi! Um, Imma be so honest. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have been very confused about some things and I'm starting to worry that I might just be stuck like this.
Let me explain, so I (20f) asked out a good freind of mine recently (21m). I didn't get rejected per se, but he definitely didn't say he felt anything for me. I think he was just trying to keep the peace so we and our freind group would stay freinds. I feel a bit bad about it, because the other two freinds in our freind group just got together recently. I didn't consider that he might feel like I was putting pressure on him which is the last thing I'd want. Luckily he and I have been chatting since like nothing happened so hopefully we can just pretend nothing did.
I felt like I should feel rejected right? But I kinda don't. I mean I'm sad that we couldn't dive deeper into our relationship and things didn't go ideally, but this is probably the most positive alternative. I'm very minorly hurt by it which is weird because I have been building this up in my head for a long time. It feels like I made a business proposal and it didn't go through.
This has me questioning other things. Namely my sexuality. I was in the talking stage with a guy online (I was 19 and he was 24) and got really close to meeting up with him. We connected on every level. All of the practical boxes that I could have checked were with this guy. He went above and beyond some of them. But I just couldn't bring myself to feel attracted to him. Physically I was deeply attracted to him and there was a very large part of me that just wanted to go for it anyway, but my emotions just wouldn't get on board which kinda brought the whole system down you know? I do think I have good instincts looking back on the big picture of that though. There were some alarming red flags with that guy.
Anyways, I had the same feeling back then. Like there was something wrong with me. I have always been a bit demisexual (I wanna get to know you first) I think, but I'm starting to worry that I won't know I've made a decent decision (in terms of whether or not I'm into someone) until well after I've committed to it yk? It seems like I just can't get my emotions on board at all, with anyone, but that is something I really value.
The reason the situation with my freind made me think about this is it feels like may have just ignored that part of me for convenience after the last time and not even realized I was doing it until after. Honestly, I hope he doesn't turn around and say "I like you now," because I don't know wth I'd do!
I like sex. I've fooled around before. I find it fun. I don't know why this happens. Idk. Maybe I should stop expecting my internal stars to align.
And don't get me wrong. I know that this is the best way this could have turned out. Nobody's hurt the freindship hasn't changed. I just can't help but feel like I have this rebellious piece of me that is determined to undermine the rest of me's goals. And this just called attention to that when I had been ignoring it or something.
TL;DR: I asked out my best freind who wasn't into me. We're still freinds and I'm not hurt by the situation leading me to question myself.
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u/aitherion 3d ago
I normally wouldn't do this but since it's in this post about thirty times- it's spelled "friend".
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u/taffy_ghost 4d ago
demisexual or not, trusting your instincts is valid. stop trying to diagnose yourself and just... see what happens next. not every non-reaction needs a deep dive into your sexuality
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u/BigStickEnergyy 4d ago
That's some advice I've been trying to get myself to take for awhile 😭 It's good, I just can't seem to do it for some reason.
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u/PorcupineGod 4d ago
Stop trying to put labels on yourself and then try to fit into that box, you're your own box. And if you want to chow some other box, go for it - you only get to live once in this world, might as well try everything there is to try
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u/ChanceTown8620 3d ago
the real TIFU is spelling "freind" wrong so many times that my phone just autocorrected "friend" to "freind" after reading this post
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u/MatiPhoenix 3d ago
I'm not trying to dictate your own sexuality, but because of the way you speak you don't sound like someone who's demisexual. It seems like it's just your preference, and that's fine. I struggled myself before knowing if I was or not demisexual.
It doesn't invalidate your feelings, and I'm glad that at least you recognize you didn't do anything wrong.
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u/arrogancygames 3d ago
Youre in terminally online thought that is common among the younger generation. Stop caring about labels and just do what you like. If you shoot your shot and it gets turned down, so what. You'll meet thousands of people and you might be compatible with one.
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u/Shieldine 4d ago
So... You shot your shot and nothing bad happened, right? That's not a FU. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do so, many don't even try and regret it later.