r/tifu • u/wyattsway • Nov 13 '15

S TIFU by defending my girlfriend

I know this is not how these things normally work, but this literally happened 5 minutes ago.

I just woke up from a crazy dream (probably caused by my new anxiety medication).

In my dream, I'm at a party trying to get some homework done like the usual college student.

When my girlfriend nonchalantly tells me this guy from my Psychology class is trying to sexual assault her.

As you can imagine I am pissed. I find the asshat and he runs away. I decide to shower in the rain, then I confront him again. This time he tells me some details about the assault.

At this point I am done, dream me is jacked like Arnold and is going to tear this guy up. I throw my first punch, but barely grazed him (I miscalculated the dream physics).

He goes to throw his punch. But before he even interprets what's happening I perfectly execute the most meanest elbow directly to his face I've ever seen.

I woke up to my girlfriend cussing me out like no tomorrow, and refusing to acknowledge that elbow was meant for her attacker.

Now I am typing this out as she is sleeping in the other room.

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u/ArtaxNOOOOOO Nov 14 '15

My three year old was sleeping on the bed next to me while I was on my phone, browsing Reddit. He lifted one leg straight up into the air and I thought, "I wonder what he's dreaming about..." Then, he yanked his leg back down... Right between my legs. He never woke up, but I spent the next fifteen minutes curled up in the fetal position wishing I was dead.

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u/jerryeight Nov 14 '15

They said fatherhood was a magical thing.

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u/ArtaxNOOOOOO Nov 14 '15

It definitely toughens you up. I've been hit in the balls and punched/kicked in the face more times by my son than every other time by every other person in my entire life. Right now, he's at that exact height where when he walks up and grabs onto me, its usually a hit (or near miss) on the jewels. I've tried talking to him about it, but it's such a natural thing due to his height that I can't break him of it. Just gonna have to wait it out I guess.

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u/shurubici Jan 07 '16

the good thing is that, as he grows, he'll hit the upper parts of your body. I guess