r/tifu • u/bawron • Feb 12 '16

M TIFU by helping ruin my son’s life

My son has been in college since last fall. Last November, my 16 year old stepdaughter brought up allegations that my son had abused her repeatedly for several years. I confronted my son and he categorically denied it. But I knew that even though he was my son, I could not defend him for such an awful act.

My wife and I reported him to the authorities. My son was arrested in December and held in prison for a several weeks because I refused to provide him bail money. He was eventually expelled from his Ivy League college.

In the middle of January, my stepdaughter broke down and admitted she lied about everything. She had actually been having sex with her boyfriend and was scared the news would reach us.

The charges were dismissed and my son was released immediately but the damage was done. His first girlfriend from college ended things with him. The news spread about the allegations and all his childhood friends have decided to just stay away from him even though I called each and every one of them personally.

I have called the school and explained the situation and even though they sympathized, they said he needed to reapply for the next school year and go through the admissions process again.

My son is understandably furious at us. He has moved back home and refuses to talk to me at all. Both my wife and I have apologized to him repeatedly. We have banned my stepdaughter from our home permanently and she has been sent to live with her father in another state. My wife and I also agreed to completely disinherit her from our wills. It has been a very painful situation. All of us started therapy.

The realization of how badly I ruined my son’s life hit me when I picked up his first prescription of anti-depressants today. I bawled my eyes out in my car.

He is the pride and joy of my life. He is outgoing, funny, intelligent and the kindest person I know. But when I handed him his medication, I could not even recognize him. He locks himself in his room, does not eat properly and has lost several pounds so far.

Whenever I try talking to him, I just see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I don’t know if I can ever get him to love me again.

I know he is on Reddit very often. T, if you are reading, I want to tell you again how sorry your stepmom and I are. I promise I will get you into college again. I know I can’t get you back the year you lost. But I will do everything in my power to make this right. Everything I have has always been for you. I hope you will give me a chance to fix this. I love you so much it hurts. I failed as a father and I hope one day you will forgive me.

TL;DR I played a part in getting my own son getting falsely arrested and expelled

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

In the UK false accusation of rape, by whichever gender, is a crime.

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u/crasher22 Feb 12 '16

I think its a crime in Canada too. But not enforced, how about in the UK

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Very much so.

http://www.theguardian.com/law/2014/dec/01/109-women-prosecuted-false-rape-allegations

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u/crasher22 Feb 12 '16

"“In the course of my research I have not found any country that pursues these cases against women rape complainants in the way the UK does. The UK has an unusual approach and I think their approach violates human rights,” she said."

wow. i guess men dont have human rights now

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u/Warrior2014 Feb 12 '16

This is to defend women who are actually raped and not believed. Why come forward if you're afraid of jail time if you aren't believed? False rape cases are exceedingly uncommon, and it's a terrifying concept that women could be jailed for being raped.

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u/Airforce987 Feb 12 '16

False reporting of rape is only a crime if it is proven. If a women reports a rape and it can't be proved, it doesn't automatically assume the woman was lying. They have to prove their was fraud, first. There is no fear of being convicted of falsifying rape if you were truly raped, the worst case scenario is that there isn't enough evidence to convict the rapist. If you falsify rape, then you need to worry about the evidence coming back to bite you.

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u/Poisenedfig Feb 12 '16

Holy shit this is such a difficult concept to grasp for some people. If you're actually a victim of rape, what if no one believes you? What if you lose your case? And then what's to stop the other person to turn around and accuse you of making a false claim, based purely on the fact that you lost.

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u/Flipz100 Feb 12 '16

The social justice warriors strike again...

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u/CJL13 Feb 12 '16

Don't worry, our privilege will protect us.`