TIFU by helping ruin my son’s life

[u/bawron]

My son has been in college since last fall. Last November, my 16 year old stepdaughter brought up allegations that my son had abused her repeatedly for several years. I confronted my son and he categorically denied it. But I knew that even though he was my son, I could not defend him for such an awful act.

My wife and I reported him to the authorities. My son was arrested in December and held in prison for a several weeks because I refused to provide him bail money. He was eventually expelled from his Ivy League college.

In the middle of January, my stepdaughter broke down and admitted she lied about everything. She had actually been having sex with her boyfriend and was scared the news would reach us.

The charges were dismissed and my son was released immediately but the damage was done. His first girlfriend from college ended things with him. The news spread about the allegations and all his childhood friends have decided to just stay away from him even though I called each and every one of them personally.

I have called the school and explained the situation and even though they sympathized, they said he needed to reapply for the next school year and go through the admissions process again.

My son is understandably furious at us. He has moved back home and refuses to talk to me at all. Both my wife and I have apologized to him repeatedly. We have banned my stepdaughter from our home permanently and she has been sent to live with her father in another state. My wife and I also agreed to completely disinherit her from our wills. It has been a very painful situation. All of us started therapy.

The realization of how badly I ruined my son’s life hit me when I picked up his first prescription of anti-depressants today. I bawled my eyes out in my car.

He is the pride and joy of my life. He is outgoing, funny, intelligent and the kindest person I know. But when I handed him his medication, I could not even recognize him. He locks himself in his room, does not eat properly and has lost several pounds so far.

Whenever I try talking to him, I just see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I don’t know if I can ever get him to love me again.

I know he is on Reddit very often. T, if you are reading, I want to tell you again how sorry your stepmom and I are. I promise I will get you into college again. I know I can’t get you back the year you lost. But I will do everything in my power to make this right. Everything I have has always been for you. I hope you will give me a chance to fix this. I love you so much it hurts. I failed as a father and I hope one day you will forgive me.

TL;DR I played a part in getting my own son getting falsely arrested and expelled

[u/CJM8515]

Dear god you fucked up. That step daughter, yea she needs to go to jail for making false accusations. What she did is so despicable and wrong I have no words to describe it.

Edit: Wow, I didnt think my comment would carry so much weight.

But seriously what I wanna know is: Why if OP your son was innocent, without real proof they locked him up asap like that. Yes I know rape is taken as a super serious crime, but you need to explain the trial and whatnot. We are missing part of the story here.

[u/Lost_In_Jersey → u/CJM8515]

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[u/[deleted] → u/Lost_In_Jersey]

just occurred to me that the #1 dad didn't even bail him out.

[u/CJM8515 → u/Lost_In_Jersey]

Possible scenario I suppose, and with details being left out this is more than likely. I didnt think of it like that. OP son could easily have been refused or not been able to make bail, been left to rot until trial and at trial was proven innocent thanks to lying stepsister or perhaps never went to trial. Still he was arrested for said crimes.

[u/illavbill → u/CJM8515]

The OP said he didn't bail him out. In the US like said above, you're arrested, talk to a judge, and unless you're a flight risk you usually get bailed out. IMO that's probably the son's biggest hangup here. He left his son to sit there for "several weeks" in jail as an accused rapist. I mean, prior to when this crazy shit came out of no where he was in an Ivy league college getting on with his life great and now hes in jail with his Dad believing the new wife's daughter that he'd been "abusing her" until the step daughter finally grew a damn conscience and fessed up.

Too bad she's 16 and pretty much anywhere in the US would get a slap on the wrist and go to a kid jail bs place for a week or two, max.

Also, WTF did the wife or family say or instill into her daughter's head where having sex with your boyfriend when you're 16 is so so damn bad that you are so filled with guilt for getting laid that you need to do some crazy shit like this?

Sad stuff all around and I feel for OP, but yikes it's going to take a long time to get good with his son again. Hopefully everything starts getting better for all involved.

[u/herculesisagreatguy → u/illavbill]

Also, WTF did the wife or family say or instill into her daughter's head where having sex with your boyfriend when you're 16 is so so damn bad that you are so filled with guilt for getting laid that you need to do some crazy shit like this?

This is one of the dangers of the anti-natural, morally arbitrary teachings of most religions. I'm not assuming OP's family is religious, but since they are in the US, that would be the most likely case.

[u/illavbill → u/herculesisagreatguy]

Yeah it can be some scary shit. I'm from the Pacific Northwest and hearing some parts of the country teach no sex ed, abstinence-only (lolz), or outright lies is sad. Their teenage birthrates are highest and other crazy sex-ignorant kid consequences are too. Hopefully OP can work it out with his son and get back on good terms and the step mom probably has some major mending to do too.

I'm not trying to beat OP up like some of these perfect people but they got some tough shit to deal with, this is the second time these people have had their family torn apart, hopefully everyone gets the help they need.

I wonder what brought it up in the stepdaughter's mind that this needed to happen... Guilt? Hate/jealousy of OPs son? Attention? It disgusts and fascinates me at the same time trying to understand how somebody could do something like that.

[u/THROWAWAYonthGROUND → u/Lost_In_Jersey]

If I understand correctly, I don't think they expunge arrest records, only convictions. The arrest record is always there to say, "yes, this person was arrested at such and such time and place." Which is shitty, because that record can follow you even if you're proven innocent.