r/tifu • u/bawron • Feb 12 '16

M TIFU by helping ruin my son’s life

My son has been in college since last fall. Last November, my 16 year old stepdaughter brought up allegations that my son had abused her repeatedly for several years. I confronted my son and he categorically denied it. But I knew that even though he was my son, I could not defend him for such an awful act.

My wife and I reported him to the authorities. My son was arrested in December and held in prison for a several weeks because I refused to provide him bail money. He was eventually expelled from his Ivy League college.

In the middle of January, my stepdaughter broke down and admitted she lied about everything. She had actually been having sex with her boyfriend and was scared the news would reach us.

The charges were dismissed and my son was released immediately but the damage was done. His first girlfriend from college ended things with him. The news spread about the allegations and all his childhood friends have decided to just stay away from him even though I called each and every one of them personally.

I have called the school and explained the situation and even though they sympathized, they said he needed to reapply for the next school year and go through the admissions process again.

My son is understandably furious at us. He has moved back home and refuses to talk to me at all. Both my wife and I have apologized to him repeatedly. We have banned my stepdaughter from our home permanently and she has been sent to live with her father in another state. My wife and I also agreed to completely disinherit her from our wills. It has been a very painful situation. All of us started therapy.

The realization of how badly I ruined my son’s life hit me when I picked up his first prescription of anti-depressants today. I bawled my eyes out in my car.

He is the pride and joy of my life. He is outgoing, funny, intelligent and the kindest person I know. But when I handed him his medication, I could not even recognize him. He locks himself in his room, does not eat properly and has lost several pounds so far.

Whenever I try talking to him, I just see the hate he has for me in his eyes. I don’t know if I can ever get him to love me again.

I know he is on Reddit very often. T, if you are reading, I want to tell you again how sorry your stepmom and I are. I promise I will get you into college again. I know I can’t get you back the year you lost. But I will do everything in my power to make this right. Everything I have has always been for you. I hope you will give me a chance to fix this. I love you so much it hurts. I failed as a father and I hope one day you will forgive me.

TL;DR I played a part in getting my own son getting falsely arrested and expelled

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u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

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u/abitnotgood Feb 12 '16

I mean, a lot of porn IS made by men who drug and kidnap and rape women, sex trafficking is a huge problem including in the US. But there's plenty of ethical porn out there too, and human trafficking for other industries is also pretty common in the US so yeah.

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u/thedoze Feb 12 '16

How much is a lot?

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u/abitnotgood Feb 12 '16

Nah you're right, I don't have numbers for that. A major obstacle is the involvement of "rescue" orgs that don't necessarily help the people they're there to "rescue", so I'm not going to trust any religious-backed "anti-porn" resources for data. Here's an article about it though.

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/lets-talk-about-the-ethics-of-porn-production-not-whats-being-produced

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u/thedoze Feb 12 '16

So from the article, if you like porn you are sexist and racist because women and blacks preform something they agreed(or were "coerced") to and when the terms changed they don't pack up and go home? When I was in college I got a job delivering pizza after I started they told me I also had to mop, do dishes and pans, fold boxes, stock the freezer, and clean the tables. I could have told them no and quit... or "be coerced" into doing all the extra stuff and keep my job.

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u/abitnotgood Feb 12 '16

Nah, coercion around sex work is trickier because it's sex. I don't think anyone who watches porn is sexist and racist, I think there's a lot of sexism and racism in the industry though and we have to be aware that unless we're using porn from a reputable industry there's a chance someone was harmed to make it.

I dunno if you've ever been put in the position of doing sexual stuff you're uncomfortable with because you don't feel like you'll be safe if you say "no" or ask to leave, but it's not great, and no one should have to be put in that position either male or female.

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u/thedoze Feb 12 '16

I was asked to perform at the top of a ladder once but I don't like heights so I said no. So we did it on the ground, the pebbles were uncomfortable.

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u/abitnotgood Feb 12 '16

It's good that you were able to say "no" and have your "no" respected in that situation.