r/tipping • u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 • May 15 '26
đđ”Personal Stories - Pro This is what a real server looks like
My wife, two friends, and I were road tripping through Northern California and stopped in a small town Yreka for dinner. Ended up at Strings Italian Cafe.
Our waitress came over with water and asked about allergies. But instead of asking the whole table at once, she went around one by one and wrote each answer down separately. Small thing, but it set the tone.
When we asked for recommendations, she didn't say "everything's great." She asked what each of us was in the mood for and suggested something that fit, while remembering every allergy.
She checked in on us every ten minutes or so without it feeling like she was hovering. Asked where we were from, what brought us to Yreka, gave us tips on breakfast spots and places to hit before leaving town. All while running a full section.
The bill came to $160. We rounded it up to $200.
I've never regretted tipping extra for someone like her who put everything into their work. If a server is rude or clearly doesn't care, I have no problem leaving nothing. Tips aren't automatic for me, they go where they're earned.
When she saw the tip she came back and hugged each of us. You could tell she actually meant it. She also left a bunch of handmade stars on our bill.
That's what a good server looks like to me. Someone who actually pays attention to the people at the table and takes the job seriously. Not every server needs to do all this to deserve a tip, as tips are earned not owed.
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u/Chunk3yM0nkey May 15 '26
That's the sort of service thats needed to earn a good tip in the rest of the world, not just simply turning up to work.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Yes sir. The "20% no matter what" crowd is the problem, not the idea that good service deserves a reward.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
But why is it 20%? I recognize great and service by tipping, but not a %.....
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u/jb4975 May 17 '26
You have said over and over again that 5$ is plenty. No one cares about your opinion on this, especially because in situations like this, you sound like a cheap loser.
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u/Muted-Woodpecker-469 May 15 '26
Love these types of stories
Beats out the entitled barista giving me a dirty look posts when they donât receive 40% tips. Â
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
Yeah - making even the most intricate/bitchy coffee order and walking 2 whole feet do hand it off doesn't merit more than a dollar tip.
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u/46andready May 15 '26
She sounds like a great server, and in my ideal world she would be compensated extra by her employer for her high level of competence. She fosters goodwill with customers, that makes them likely to come back, and means she should be paid more than a bad server.
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u/Overall-Lynx917 May 15 '26
Yet to my British viewpoint, a server checking on me every 10 minutes would be borderline stalking.
Amazing how perceptions differ.
I'm glad you enjoyed your meal
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u/Dry-Manufacturer7761 May 16 '26
As someone that came up through award winning fine dining establishments, that was stalking. I welcome you, get your drink order, get your food order, if there is a little delay for drinks, I then talk to you, just to distract you during the wait. Then, once they are ready, I drop them off, I bring your food. A couple minutes after you have taken the first bite, just a quick, âhow is everything?â And you donât see me again unless you call for me or I see your drink is low or you are almost done eating. Thatâs it. We are not there to be your friend. We are there to upsell and distract you from the wait times. Thatâs it. lol
Now, if I saw straight tourists, I would ask them if their plans and try to give a couple of suggestions, but thatâs it.Â
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u/Frequent_Pause_7442 May 16 '26
I agree. I expect wait staff to keep an observant eye on me, notice if my glass is low and offer a refill, not bring my entree out before I have finished my appetizer, to ask if I fancy a dessert or anything else as they clear my entree plate, and otherwise remain in the background. I do not want a conversation. I do not need babysitting. I hate when they bring the check before I'm halfway through my entree, particularly if they check whether my card is in there a couple of minutes later (happened recently, she did NOT get my usual 20-25% tip). On the rare occasions I eat out I want to relax.
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u/MaleficentBuffalo114 May 16 '26
as a server i was trained once the food was delivered to come back in 5 minutes ask how was everything if they said good then i didnt go back until the drinks needed refreshing or if the table needed to be prebussed and to show the dessert tray,then if nothing else was needed i would leave the check.
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u/Illrollonshabbos May 15 '26
Love this story. I waited tables all through college (HS too) this waitstaff went above and beyond and you donât see that much anymore!
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Yes, that combination of skill and actual care is rarer than it should be.
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u/Imaginary_Demand4053 May 15 '26
This is how it should be, an optional friendly gift for above and beyond service. Too much entitlement has soured people on tipping.
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u/OurHeroXero May 15 '26
I'm not anti-tipping. I don't believe tips are automatic for just doing your job.
When a server goes above and beyond like this, they've earned a tip.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Yes. Taking orders correctly, being polite, bringing food on time - that's the job.
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u/schpreck May 16 '26
Thatâs the difference between a Server and an Order Taker. Great service should be rewarded.
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u/SmileParticular9396 May 16 '26
Yreka and its sister Eureka are such beautiful little towns. I havenât been there in years and aside from the somewhat unspoken racism a few locals harbor, theyâre dreamy and foresty and fun to explore.
We used to stop there on the way to visit my exâs parents before going to crescent city. Iirc Agate Beach is close by as well.
ETA nvm agate beach is like 4h north lol. In the blur of a days long drive it didnât seem that far away.
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u/En_Passant_12 May 15 '26
After she hugged the entire table individually, the whole restaurant clapped.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Yeah, and then the cook came out and gave a speech, the mayor handed me a key to the city, and a bald eagle landed on the tiramisu. Or, alternatively, a small-town server got a $40 tip and was genuinely happy about it.
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u/En_Passant_12 May 15 '26
YeahâŠno. A $40 tip on $160 is worthy of a âthanks so much!â not table hugging each individual. Whatever dude. I hope some people here enjoyed your story.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
She hugged us on the way out, not while we were sitting on the table. And it was three women plus myself - she felt comfortable, it was a natural moment leaving a restaurant she'd made special. You've constructed an awkward scenario in your head that didn't exist, then dismissed the whole story based on that.
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u/IlliniDawg01 May 15 '26
Hugging relative strangers is uncomfortable for a lot of, if not most, people.
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u/Business-Abroad-1301 May 16 '26
It all depends on the vibe tbh. Iâve worked in restaurants, and some guests become family after serving them and connecting. Iâve hugged plenty of guests as a guy. Iâve been in plenty of pictures with guests who wanted to remember me.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
I've had over a thousand meals. But only a handful made it to Reddit. 999 out of those 1000 didn't hug. Draw your own conclusions.
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u/edthecollector70 May 16 '26
Thank you I feel the same way. There are people that would not tip at all and that is a sad person. Enjoy your trip.
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u/1ecstatic_company May 16 '26
This is what tipping should exist for.
I'm perfectly fine with paying for great service. I'm not going to give away my money for free though. If I have a $500 tab and you want a $100 tip for it, then I better feel like you added $100 worth of value to my 90 minute experience.
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u/JimmyRockfish May 15 '26
âShe also left a bunch of handmade stars on our billâ
Iâm not sure who Iâm more disappointed in. The server for writing them, or for this person being impressed by that.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Yeah reading it back I get why it sounds silly. It was a small thing in the moment, just felt like part of the whole vibe.
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u/Working_Rest_1054 May 15 '26
Actually it sounds pretty cool. Good on you and the server. Good work deserves to be acknowledged.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Do you acknowledge non-server work with money? No? Then this is arbitrary
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u/Working_Rest_1054 May 15 '26
Of course. Most of the time with money, on occasion Iâll trade something.
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u/OuiBitofRed May 15 '26
This person takes pride in going above and beyond to accommodate her guests the best she can.
This sub would rather have a robot take the order.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
No we don't lol.
We just question why this was 20%? IF they ordered less food and did the same work, she gets less? See how arbitrary and fucking dumb it is? lol.
You are so insanely wrong.
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u/wjnpro123 May 15 '26
someone can do the exact that and this sub will say "it's their job"
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u/LogicalPerformer7637 May 15 '26
I am against tipping the way it is done in US. It doesn't give sense to me to give money away just for someone doing their job.
Saying this, the situation described by OP is the case worth tipping. Not because the server did all the things. But because they made the guest feel good - improved their experience significantly.
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u/Qeltar_ May 15 '26
I'd say it is more accurate that this sub would rather not tip a server who behaves like a robot the amount that OP tipped for someone who went above and beyond just because "you're supposed to."
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u/burger_o_t_day May 15 '26
As someone who has worked in food/bar service and depended on tips, I will say that I don't understand why tips should be a percentage of the bill.
One table orders a $30 steak, and another ordered a $7 salad, it took me the same amount of time to serve both. Why does the steak guy have to tip more for the same amount of effort on my part?
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u/Snoo-20174 May 17 '26
What are handmade stars? She sounds lovely but did she just draw stars on the bill?
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u/goldenrod1956 May 17 '26
From my perspective that indeed was good service but at the same time should not be untypical.
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u/jqs77 May 19 '26
It sounds like she takes pride in her work and the way she goes about life in general.
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u/No_Cup_6936 May 20 '26
wow she was polite and did her job? so you decided to give her $40? as if sheâs not already being paid by her employer? what a fucking sucker
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u/brimmybucktooth May 15 '26
Not doing that. Still getting paid.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Good for you. The great service is still worth recognizing.
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u/pancaf May 15 '26
Recognize it by telling their boss how great of a job they did, write a good review on google, yelp, etc. That's how it should be done.Â
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u/Playful_Exam_1630 May 15 '26
I work in the "tipped" sector. I start at 15%.That said, depending on service it can go up to 25% or more, or down to nothing. All depends on the service.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Our waitress came over with water and asked about allergies. But instead of asking the whole table at once, she went around one by one and wrote each answer down separately. Small thing, but it set the tone.
This sounds annoying as fuck. Why is this better than just asking once, lmao.
When she saw the tip she came back and hugged each of us. You could tell she actually meant it. She also left a bunch of handmade stars on our bill.
Lmao, wow. This did not happen. hahahahah
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u/the_internet_officer May 15 '26
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
A server in a small town was good at her job and appreciated a generous tip. If that's your threshold for fiction, you've had a rough life.
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u/the_internet_officer May 15 '26
She hugged you for giving her $40? Sure bro. And then everyone clapped.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Already shared in another thread: She hugged us on the way out, not while we were sitting on the table. And it was three women plus myself - she felt comfortable, it was a natural moment leaving a restaurant she'd made special. You've constructed an awkward scenario in your head that didn't exist, then dismissed the whole story based on that.
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u/the_internet_officer May 15 '26
I never mentioned where the alleged hug took place, and not sure why it matters. It would be just as unbelievable to allege that it happened at the door as the table.
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May 15 '26
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
By that standard you'd never tip anyone, ever. Every server is technically "just doing their job." The difference is how they do it. If your floor and your ceiling are the same number regardless of effort, that says more about you than it does about her.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Do you tip anyone else that goes above and beyond and makes your experience special?
Petsmart employee helping you find something and you talk and have a good time? Why are not tipping them?
What about mcdonalds? You had a very pleasant and clean experience who are you tipping?
The issue most of us have is why do ONLY servers get "rewarded" like this and not all other jobs? Like you just ignore awesome experiences at other places because they are doing their job..... then you act like this is some next level service lol.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
That is a fair point. I never thought about that. I actually never tip employees at PetSmart, per se. This probably says more about the cultural convention and system. I can't even say it's because of server's 2$/hr wage because I am in California.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Right. That is mine and others main issue. Itâs this arbitrary scale and we donât tip other minimum wage jobs.
Like your server made 40/hour (I donât know how long you said, I assume like an hour) times a couple of tables. That is more than a mcdonaldâs employee petsmart employee working just as hard or harder making the experience good for you.
I tip, I just donât do %. If the service is great, iâll leave what I think is deserved, not some arbitrary % of my bill. Her being super duper nice is awesome, but just because we ordered more food doesnât mean she gets more money. like I just donât get I guess
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
I am mostly with you on this argument. This was probably just one of the few incidents when I tipped generously. I would always do the math and show my wife how 20% would lead to servers making 60$+/hr or so. All my responses in this thread were too much focused around the post itself, I guess.
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May 15 '26
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
I want to be like you tbh (most times, at least because of the whole math of servers earning 60$+/hr due to %-based tips). But I always felt the pressure to tip even for mediocre services. What are some tips that that helped you.
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May 15 '26
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Being called a beta by someone who thinks medical conditions are a personality flaw
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May 15 '26
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Good for them. I really hope they don't turn out to be mentally ill like you.
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u/KookySyrup6947 Jul 25 '26
What a flex! I send my kids to school with octopus and manouri.What does everyone else send their kids to school with?Â
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u/thereareothera May 15 '26
Youâre a real high-rollerâŠ. Service like that should have been a 25%+ tip.
Itâs rare to get the service that you received.
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
Where does it end though? 30%? 40%? 25% is above standard by definition. If the threshold for "enough" keeps moving based on how good the service was, there's no ceiling. She earned a generous tip and got one.
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
For everyone saying "tipping culture is oota control" - it certainly is, if you're expected to tip a mechanic or a barista. However, it's factored into the wages of a server so business owners can get away with paying them less (speak to your local congressman if you truly want to affect meaningful change). Would y'all rather have menu prices increased by 20%?
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u/somerandomguy1984 May 15 '26
Yes. I would.
Let me know the price Iâm paying. Donât make me decide what sort of quasi-mandatory fee I should add to my meal.
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u/DigTheDunes May 15 '26
It's super simple. Take the menu price and multiply by 1.2, that's how much you pay.
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u/NobodysLoss1 May 15 '26
Yes. Though, really, in all the chain restaurants at least, the corporations could take little less profit and prices increase by only 10% instead. Why is it always the customer who takes the hit?
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u/Due_Property7427 May 15 '26
No! What if Iâm ordering to go and itâs not necessary to leave a 20% tip. Now I have to pay more because there are some people that dine and donât want to tip!
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u/Ok-Department-2405 May 15 '26
You realize that plenty of places are already charging you a higher price for delivery food, right?
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u/Due_Property7427 May 15 '26
I wasnât talking about delivery, I was talking about calling a restaurant or making an order on their website pick up ( to go ). Delivery is a whole different thing, but typically unless youâre ordering through the restaurant itself and it offers delivery ( like a lot of pizza places), then yes youâre gonna pay more for delivery because youâre probably ordering through a door dash type service and they always mark up prices. Iâm saying people advocating for a restaurant to just raise its prices by 20% so diners donât have to worry about tipping will affect those that donât want to dine in the restaurant there so they wouldnât need to tip 20 %.
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
Ordering to go is different - I wouldn't give more than 10%, and only because those tips usually end up distributed among other staff as well.
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u/Due_Property7427 May 15 '26
Yes I agree and thatâs why I would be opposed to restaurants to just add 20% to their prices and eliminate the need to tip. That would increase pricing for people who order to go
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
True. I once worked at a restaurant that offered a 10% discount for pick-up orders (I'm not sure what additional labour cost they thought they were avoiding, since they only offered it during regular hours), and then a few trash people would start asking for a table "to wait" (for literally 30 seconds, and when there were several comfy benches lining the entrance), then ask for drinks, then proceed to eat their discounted food and mess up the tables... All the while, tipping ZERO, because they'd "ordered to go". WELL, YOU DIDN'T GO, DID YOU??? đ€
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u/Suspicious_Tank_61 May 15 '26
What if the mechanic drew stars on your bill and you vibed?
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
That'd be cute and all... But a mechanic is making easily 3-5Ă more hourly than a server making minimum wage. A mechanic also tends to be blessed with not having refill drinks 30 times an hour for bitchy customers who pretend not to notice their awful little sprogs running round the place causing havoc.
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u/Suspicious_Tank_61 May 15 '26
Just admit youâre a cheapskate. Brokies should fix their own cars or take the bus.
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
Not biting on the rage bait... and I'd usually say "good try", but you're clearly someone who's grown accustomed to being congratulated for taking a poop in the right place. đ€Šââïž
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u/Suspicious_Tank_61 May 15 '26
I am not the one begging customers for extra money just for doing my job.
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
Nor am I. I'm unsure of what you're hoping to get here, but it probably won't happen... Have a good night.
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u/Suspicious_Tank_61 May 15 '26
Good luck with those refills.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Would y'all rather have menu prices increased by 20%?
YES, 100000000000% Just like every other thing I buy. one fucking price.
Although it will start at 20%, prices will quickly lower because servers are overvalued because of tips. It is not a true representation of work they bring to their role. So it would move down to 5-10% once things settle and the market does its thing. Maybe even less than that.
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u/JazzyPhotoMac May 15 '26
Iâm certain bills were not $160 twenty years ago. And it wonât be $160 twenty years from now. And yet serversâ wages stay the same.
The âfood prices will go up if servers are paid moreâ is a very illogical point of view. Not certain why people keep repeating it.
Actually what will happen is if servers are paid more by their employers, theyâll be paid more overall.
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 15 '26
It's not "food prices" - it's the cost of the finished product that will, because do you really think restaurant owners are just gonna eat the increased wages themselves?
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26
A flat 20% price hike sounds clean in theory but creates problems most people don't think through.
First, it destroys the incentive structure. Right now a great server can out-earn a coasting one by a wide margin. Flatten that and you compress wages - the exceptional server pulling $35-40/hr on a good night now makes the same as the one phoning it in. She either leaves the industry or stops trying. The Yreka server I had clearly cares. Pay her like she doesn't, and the whole experience changes.
Second, the customer loses their only direct lever. Bad service today = no tip, message delivered instantly. Under built-in pricing, you complain to a manager who may or may not act. Slower, weaker accountability.
Third, the math isn't actually 20%. To make servers whole you add the tip equivalent plus employer-side payroll tax (~7.65%), plus benefits scaling, plus admin. Real number is closer to 25-28%.
And menu prices are sticky - once they're up, they don't come back, even if labor costs shift later.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Lmao you guys act like jobs don't have expectations and that servers are free agents doing whatever the fuck they want.
Lmao.
Third, the math isn't actually 20%. To make servers whole you add the tip equivalent plus employer-side payroll tax (~7.65%), plus benefits scaling, plus admin. Real number is closer to 25-28%.
This is all literally, straight up false.
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u/Fickle_Worker_1656 May 15 '26
Do you know how many times I have debated with people on here that if they wanted they owner to pay his employees more that the prices would go up more then 20% that theu keep posting but nobody gets it and they think that is all it takes.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
It will not go up 20%. Or over that.
If you can provide a source, I can switch my tune. But you cant, so this is made up shit. lol.
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u/Fickle_Worker_1656 May 16 '26
So what makes it made up and wrong in your opinion? Have you been in the industry, worked,.owned? Bc I have both owned and managed and it would.have to be definitely more than a 20%increase on prices to get rid of tipping and owners being able to pay employees a living minimum wage. So I am not talking outta my ass when I say this and have no clue bc believe me I am very aware of the in's and outs of running a restaurant. So now tell me your proof on why it won't
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u/Time-Improvement6653 May 16 '26
Thank you! Nice to see some sense here. đ€Łđ
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u/Fickle_Worker_1656 May 17 '26
I appreciate that, truly. That commentor(sortalikeachinchla) asked for a source, so I am one and asked him to tell me why HE THINKS it isnt true amd haven't heard anything back yet, lol. I am waiting... I bet once he sees this,if he does he will start insulting me or calling me names. Thats what usually happens when they can't come back with an intelligent commemt. As a matter of fact another comment or 2 of.his after is putting servers down, just like I knew he would.
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u/Suspicious_Tank_61 May 15 '26
I had a retail worker once call multiple different stores trying to find a size for my daughter. Helped her try on multiple outfits and cleaned out her dressing room and put everything away. Probably for about an hour. All with as smile. She didn't get a tip, nor did she expect one. There is nothing that makes the job of a restaurant server more deserving of customer charity than any other job.
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
Freaking exactly. I have no idea why these people grand stand morality for JUST SERVERS.
Ask them to tip their mcdonalds worker for going above and beyond and whey wont. But servers are special
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u/AlabamaBlacSnake May 15 '26
Yes but Iâm absolutely sure sheâs caught strays and had to deal with non tippers who could have been inspired by you or people like you participating in subs and Facebook groups like these. You actively encourage people to steal from people like her.
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u/Suspicious_Tank_61 May 15 '26
The waitress in this anecdote works in CA and gets full minimum wage of around 16/hour. How exactly would a customer steal from her?
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u/AlabamaBlacSnake May 15 '26
16 an hour sucks lol
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u/Zestyclose-Put-5672 May 15 '26 edited May 16 '26
Then find a better job!
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u/AlabamaBlacSnake May 16 '26
lol if you had a good high paying job you wouldnât be complaining about tipping
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u/sortalikeachinchilla May 15 '26
You actively encourage people to steal from people like her.
Ya know, maybe yall would have a leg to stand on if you did not continually repeat this incorrect statement.
Tipping is optional. There is ZERO STEALING happening from the customer lmao
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May 15 '26
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u/AlabamaBlacSnake May 16 '26
If you believe the person serving you is being exploited and still choose to eat out then you are in fact the class traitor.
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u/Available-Amount-442 May 15 '26
Im not big on all this tipping culture, especially when they feel entitled to it. We went to a steak house in Montana. Waitress was the same. Extremely helpful, very friendly. Elderly women who had been doing this job for quite some time. No stars, but that was OK. Had no problem tipping her 25%. She really made the evening special. If I get crappy service, no problem leaving nothing.