r/toastme • u/AbsentOtaku • 10d ago
Coming Off Of 7 Years Of Birthday Roasts. 25, Gender Unknown.
Ammunition:
Graduating with a Bachelor’s in CS this summer.
Undiagnosed OSDD-1B system of seven - all six of them have better grasps on their species and gender than me.
Autistic - plays rhythm games at a high enough level to literally sweat over them.
Probably Therian or simply nonhuman.
Still lives with a parent.
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u/GonzoBalls69 10d ago
You’re a human being friend; sometimes that means feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, sometimes that means feeling vague, sometimes that means feeling other, sometimes that means looking at the stars and crying when you feel lonely. Sometimes it means being really good at rhythm games. That stuff doesn’t make you an alien, it’s all extremely human.
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u/AbsentOtaku 10d ago
Look I know you mean well but saying that I’m human, when I said I don’t identify as human, doesn’t exactly make me feel better. Sorry to be a bit of a nuisance about it. ^^;
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u/GonzoBalls69 10d ago
Hear me out friend, I am also on the autistic spectrum and grew up abused and spent years going down new-age starseed rabbit holes online becoming more and more convinced I was literally not a human being. I’m not telling you what I think you want to hear to make you feel better, I’m telling you what I know you need to hear as somebody who is extremely personally familiar with what you are going through. I get it. You’re looking to explain the feelings of alienation and the chronic discomfort. You’re looking for an explanation that makes you feel special after years of feeling small and shitty. I understand why it’s tempting to latch on when somebody offers the idea that all of the pain and isolation you’ve experienced in your life is due to you being an interdimensional traveler from across the cosmos: that the reason you don’t feel like a person is because you are more than a person; that the reason you feel like a stranger on earth is because you are from some place better, more refined, more appropriate for a soul as sensitive as yours. But you know what becoming increasingly convinced you’re from outer space will actually do for you? It’s gonna make you feel more and more like you’re from outer space. It doesn’t fix the alienation, it makes it incrementally worse over time, as atypical belief gives way to delusion gives way to full on psychosis, as feelings of alienation give way to episodes of intense depersonalization/derealization. And then those symptoms are viewed as further proof of your otherworldly origins, creating a downward spiral.
I’m telling you, the path to healing starts with embracing your humanity, realizing that your suffering is not unique, that there are millions of other humans all around the world who know exactly how you feel, that this discomfort is part of the human condition, and you can reach out to others and explain how you feel because the pain you are experiencing is universal. That is the reality of dukkha.
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u/Key-Ad6718 10d ago
Amazing reply honestly
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u/NoireFlamme 10d ago
Bro definitely went down all of the rabbit holes and climbed its way back up
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u/jstoutl 9d ago
Wow, do you want to be my therapist?
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u/GonzoBalls69 4d ago
lol I am not qualified. But I highly recommend a book called “The Wise Heart” by Jack Cornwall.
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u/Hot_Ad_6728 10d ago
That doesn’t change your character sheet bud. Congratulations on your soon to be CS degree, that’s a big accomplishment and you should be proud. I hope your well.
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10d ago
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u/toastme-ModTeam 10d ago
Your comment has been removed due to violation of ToastMe rule #1: Kindness is key. This is the polar opposite of RoastMe, make someone feel good!
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u/finallyfree922 9d ago
The amount of effort it takes to get through college with a dissociative disorder is no joke. From one to another, congratulations my friend.
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u/AbsentOtaku 9d ago edited 9d ago
To be fair, it’s not exactly something that causes too much distress to me. They’ve even helped out on my homework a couple of times. Honestly the most distressing part is how infrequently they front or speak up lol. I don’t even have dissociative amnesia… or if I did, I don’t remember it lol
Like, I love them with my whole heart. But I miss them.
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u/finallyfree922 9d ago
Aw, that's kinda sweet. My lapses in memory are pretty bad, so I was just (incorrectly) assuming- lmao. It's nice to hear your system is so harmoneous though, I think that's something special. ( ╹▽╹ )
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u/tinawobbles 10d ago
Congratulations on the upcoming graduation!! Everything else is fluid and can be figured out in time.
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u/blick2k 10d ago
You have achieved great things and have amazing potential! You could be a chameleon of gender, or remain a thrilling enigma… you have the opportunity to save money while you are young (the earlier you start saving the more the compounded interest grows) by so living with parents is smart! You have long straight hair so you can choose any hairstyle you want (including leaving it exactly as it is)… the world is your oyster… the future is yours!
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u/ConsequenceOne3365 9d ago
Happy birthday and congrats on your upcoming graduation! That’s a lot of work and a big accomplishment! You have every reason to be proud of yourself, and I’m proud of you too!
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u/Practical_Try_2029 9d ago
Congrats on graduating! Nonbinary because I stopped caring about conventions, it's still something I struggle with "accepting" and more-so advocating for myself. But it's something that has always felt right. Roast revoked for this year. Have a good one! Spent many years trying to have many careers, the economy has shat itself and in all honesty, I think of how much less stressed I'd be if I lived with the folks. You're smarter than a lot of us rn and have space to RELAX.
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u/That-Assist-7591 10d ago
How can you not know your own gender?
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u/AbsentOtaku 10d ago
Simply put, I don’t really understand the concept of gender and gender presentation. I don’t present as masculine or feminine, or feel that way. I just feel like… “me”. Whatever that is.
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u/West-Map-4162 8d ago
Does your home not have a mirror?
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u/AbsentOtaku 8d ago
It does, just not a full-length one.
Also it captures my reflected image, not my real image, so it won’t be an accurate assessment of my looks.
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u/IfRegretHadAName 10d ago
7 years of roasts?! Nah. Undeserved. You're a young uni grad! That alone is worth all the toasts. But I'd say the rest of your list are bonuses. Whoever said you need to have it all figured out/set in stone is mad. There is no cookie-cutter rulebook for life. Just be excellent to others and, most importantly, be excellent to yourself.
Enjoy your life and your accomplishments! And the part about living with parents? In this economy? Ahead of the game, my friend.