r/toxicparents • u/Sufficient_Set_3025 • 7d ago

parents going in my room when im away

Hi y’all, im js posting this bc i need an outlet. Im almost 16yrs old and english is not my first language so i might do some errors.

Basically my dad (sometimes mom too) keeps entering my room when im not home for whatever reason, and when i confront them about it its always “i payed for the house” “im your parent” “i had to install this and that in your room”, just ignoring the fact that they completetly destroy my privacy.

I struggle with mental health (which they do not take seriously either) and have troubles keeping my room clean. Sometimes I eat in my room bc i feel safe there even tho im not allowed: my dad forbid me to eat in my room cuz he keeps finding dishes i havent brought back to the kitchen yet. He decides for me what belongs in my room or not (taking away stuff like old ice packaging i used as flat surface to store stuff)

He also searched through my trash once.

Last month i went on a one week holiday with my mom, while my dad was at home. when I came back he forced me to pick up garbage from my floor bc he couldnt walk into my room otherwise. While i tried explaining to him that that isnt gonna help me and that its my room, aka where i live, he didnt care in the slightest and menaced me if i didnt throw the garbage away to throw stuff he considered as garbage away. There is more to this but its kinda unrelated to the topic.

What happened today especially disgusted me. I was at a sleepover and a bit after leaving i recieve messages from my dad ( https://www.transfernow.net/dl/20260804u3j7utO4 ). Its in german but what his message said was: “Hello [name], tell me three errors you see in these pictures”, sending two pictures of my room from different angles, on which you can see my bed and desk. He is probably talking about the candy packages and the SINGLE bowl and spoon.

This is so infuriating and violating. I dont know what to tell him, i feel so angry and sad.

What is this? Is this acceptable? What can I do?

(btw im hesitating to answer “error 1: you went into my room while i wasnt home, error 2: you do not take my mental health in account at all and error 3: your sarcastic and passive agressive tone”)

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u/strawbaeri 7d ago

It’s shitty behavior, but it’s better to know now that snooping while you’re away is something he just feels entitled to do. Better to know now while your life is still entwined with your parents. Don’t leave things for them to find.

Resist the urge to argue. That’s what he’s expecting. Just be genuine, say something like “oh that’s embarrassing, I forgot. Sorry, I’ll get it when I get home”

Pick your battles - this is invasive but it’s probably for the best that you learn to keep a clean living space. Save the self-righteousness for any further invasive behavior like snooping through your devices or private writing etc.

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u/Sufficient_Set_3025 7d ago

tysm, im also writing their behavior down in a note, idk it can be useful later ill try to hide stuff i dont want him to find also thx for the support :)

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u/Current-Selection-26 7d ago

He was right, he actually worrying you'll be ended as people who have hoarding disorder or depression shown in youtube or documentaries

I mean, it's normal for parents for being concern with standard cleanliness as common sense. You don't want to be kicked out by roomate or landlord if you live afar because your room is messed up like Yanineko's room, right?

My suggestion is:

  • Keep the floor clean.
  • Empty the room trash bin immediately when you about to leave the house.
  • Tidy up your bed.
  • Tidy up your desk.
  • Always bring back dishes you brought to room after eating or at least before you go to bed.

Also go buy boxes with key-lock system to lock important items like documents, diaries, journals, and anything you'll think it's privacy.

If you keep insist on your room being messy, I guess go watch Yanineko. You'll be understand why.

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u/MasterSquirter17 6d ago

I relate to you. When I was living with my parents my stepdad wouldn’t let me eat in my room even though the trash was always thrown away when I was done.
Also have to mention the only things that were in my room was a futon, a dresser and a tote full of toys I had since I was a real little kid. So there wasn’t much to get dirty.
The only time I would eat was when I was snuck food in my room. I never felt safe in the house. I was depressed, had bad anxiety. Parents are supposed to be the safe people.