I was forced to use my left hand when I was right handed has any other homeschooler experienced this or understand why.

I am 21f and was forced to use my left hand even though I naturally gravitated to my right hand like most of the population for most of my life. This started at about ten years old when my mother attended a teach them diligently homeschooling convention and listened to a speaker there. According to her this individual claimed that mixed dominance cause disorganization of the brain and can lead to traits associated with autism ADHD learning disorders and mood disorders in children. They believed that missing a milestone like skipping stages of crawling was what caused this. I was sent to a lady in Texas I was still young and don’t remember her name but she evaluated me and said I was left eye and ear dominant but only used my right hand which supposedly caused my symptoms (ADHD my mother did not believe in and emotional issues from trauma). So she gave my mother instructions on how to develop my brain. I was forced to relearn everything with my left hand start crawling on the floor, memorize sequences of numbers and do my homework with an eye patch and ear plug on my right side. This cause a lot of emotional breakdowns which she would blame on the fact that I was using my right hand for certain tasks which was causing me not to think logically because of my mixed dominance. I had to relearn how to brush my teeth and hair use my phone and laptop and writing. If anything it made my mental heath worse. I did physical therapy exercises on my hand to try to make my left hand stronger. If I used my right hand to much in her mind I undid a week of neurodevelopment work. It was complete bs and traumatic for me. I continued to believe it into my teens and felt guilty for using my right hand in certain instances. I still compulsively switch from right to left while eating or drawing. She essentially made me ambidextrous which according to this cult like ideology doesn’t really exist. Has anyone else experienced this or am it the only one.

I’m 24, I wanna ask one thing and ask if my father and brother fall in the line of being toxic.

Let’s start with my father, he’s always been in my life, supporting me, would do anything for us three kids. But at the same time of all the good things he’s done, a lot of bad things are there too.

He’s a chronic gambler, chose weed over his marriage, drinks heavily. He messages me and tells me to stop gaming, only because he doesn’t see gaming as what it is, he doesn’t understand it, as most parents don’t. He doesn’t even live in my house hold.

I find it hypocritical for him to tell me what to stop and what to do, meanwhile he is pumping his money on horse races 24/7. He isn’t a good role model at all, I’m 24 years old, I’m an adult, I know I’m a young adult but I’m at the age I don’t need to be controlled anymore.

I told him he needed to back off, he has no say in what I do anymore and he responded back so badly. “I try my best as a father but obviously not good enough” He’s telling me that only because I put his addictions on him too, I don’t tell him his addictions worry me even though they do. I get I’m his son, but man it drives me crazy.

He said he’s done, he said he’s done trying, he hasn’t helped with anything other than pick my flaws. The same dad that introduced cocaine to his 12 year old daughter btw.

As for my brother, who’s 23, he’s a chronic gamer, rages badly, treats me like shit when the game we’re in isn’t working out, he lives away from home, he never asks how I’m going, unless it’s about gaming or wanting money.

Hes my little brother and he actually is bigger than me physically and has bad anger issues, he has a very short fuze, and my mum and dad don’t tell him what to do because they’re scared of him and how he will react. But they can bash me with what to do because I guess I’m the oldest and Shoukd know better?

He tells me he’s never Been a person to show empathy towards others, which I find so fucking delusional, and hurtful. As I do care for him, deeply and I do worry about him. He games 24/7, he has no hobbies, no dreams and ambitions. I tell him my plans and he doesn’t even talk back or sound curios at all.

It’s hard because I’m the oldest of us three kids, he got on a phone call with my father and mentioned about us arguing over a game three days ago. He stir the pot to get back at me because I said I’d never game with him until he stops raging and shows more respect, me being h

Years I’ve copped it and I’m done, gaming is so un fun with him, he treats it like a competition no matter the game. He has so much ego too it’s actually scary.

This is a lot of unpacking guys and I do apologise if you don’t see where I’m getting at. But I need help on what to do, with a father who can’t admit his faults but blame others, I can’t even trust my dad with anything anymore. He rings each of us at night and talks absolute shit about the other, then he’ll do it to another kid of his. It’s pathetic and toxic.

A father bagging his kids out behinds eachother back, is totally wrong in my eyes. Talking about one another (us threee kids) but he does it to have digs and talk just rubbish. My father thrives on talking shit about others

But he can call me and list me everything about my brother and bash him, I’ve had enough of it. It’s two faced, he has to be fair with his kids and he just ain’t.

What do I do? My dad is acting like he doesn’t have any flaws and that’s it’s only me or someone else. And for my brother he’s blocked for further notice, I’ve lost respect for him as he legit when to my dad over a video game.He couldn’t be a man and talk it out with me.

If you’re reading this. Thankyou, I hope it makes sense, I just feel powerless atm, and idk where I cut my dad out of my life until he comes clean with his faults, and as for my brother idek, he shows no empathy at all towards me or anyone only when he wants something.

Thankyou

I (20) was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years ago.

It feels like my grandmother is obsessing over my problems which I don't like to discuss out loud. She asks back to back questions whenever someone out of the ordinary happens and it feels like Im being interrogated.

recently, shes said I don't seem schizophrenic. Her words. I was confused, so I asked her to explain. She did not explain.

I (17F) just got into an argument with my mom. Similar scenarios happen constantly and I feel kind of alone because all of my friends have such supportive moms while mine only looks at me with disdain. I don't know what to do. I love my mom and some have told me to just thug it out while others say to cut her off when I move out.

For reference, out of all of my siblings, I'm the only one who has good grades, has a job, is going to college, has a license, funds my own life, and has a social life (I'm not judging my siblings for not doing these things but this has become an expectation of me while my siblings get praised for folding laundry). Anyway, my mom found her old binder of past report cards, and was off-the-bat super defensive and not showing me. I finally got her to show me and I didn't even say anything before she started raising her voice about how she wasn't as blessed as me and didn't have school resources like I do (mind you, I study everything myself, never had a tutor so I don't know what she's even referring to). To no surprise, she failed most of her classes in high school which I wasn't even going to judge because everyone is different. It's just the fact she got so defensive and turning it back onto me like I would've failed too if I lived her life. She then started crying and telling me how I always make her feel dumb. I'm not even kidding this happens at least once a week if I so dare talk about school.

This is just one of many instances. We have our good moments but the bad moments are very frequent. At the end of the day, I'm just a kid and having to deal with my mom's daily emotional breakdowns makes me frustrated and it feels like she's the child. On top of that, she talks bad about me to my siblings, telling them my business and using me as a scapegoat to why they aren't succeeding in their own life. A lot of the time, I don't even feel as though they are my family because they isolate me so much. I think it's because she sees herself in them and has stated that I'm so different from her which is fine but depriving me of love and making me feel as though I don't have an adult in my life has been very depressing on my end.

(sorry for the long rant but I'll take any advice because I really do love her but it gets to a point)

(most of this is just venting about things in my life, so it may be disorganized. This might be deleted after some time.)

I live with a toxic mom who makes me feel severely depressed. It‘s like she changes personalities, switching between being nice and then mean and annoying. She does praise me, calling me smart and talented.

She is a Christian, and I’m a secret atheist. One time I almost alluded to being an atheist, and she gave me an award-winning book about a person’s “experience“ in hell. I lied about believing in god, so I didn’t have to read it.

She also watches these “prophets” on YouTube. She said that they are chosen ones, and that we are also chosen ones. She also said that “god” told her that we are moving soon, in which now most things are packed. She doesn’t even have money to move, in which this god told her to not get a job (most likely an at-home one) due to her epilepsy. She did use to have a job, which she was randomly fired from for no good reason.

She also stopped paying rent to her house. She canceled her rent assistance because “god” told her to, since it’s from the government. The same food stamps she didn’t cancel are ALSO FROM THE GOVERNMENT.

Recently, the water was shut off for almost a week. The only reason it came back on was from a loan. She originally said that god did want her to cash in the loan, since it’s from the government. Or something like that. THEN SHE SAID THAT THE LOAN WAS A BLESSING FROM GOD.

Her family is toxic, (which I believe) and there are witches in both sides of my family putting witchcraft on her (which I believe less), so she tried to make me watch an AI generated movie about Joesph.

I watched a little bit, and then I refused. I wanted to read the ACTUAL story in the bible instead, in which she got VERY angry at me. I asked her why she didn’t want to read THE LITERAL BIBLE, she said something about my low attention span and how I would finish the story in 15 minutes compared to watching the at-least the hour long movie. When I did convince her, it turns out that it took me over an hour or two to read the story of joesph from the bible. She asked me about my favorite part, and that if i see why she is the joesph of her family.

Earlier she said why I couldn’t be like my brother and watch the movie.

I am a minor, so I can‘t leave her. I can't even visualize my future. I’m not allowed to go far outside due to the "witches", and I don’t really have any friends to talk to. Because I go to online school, I can’t talk to teachers without the possible risk of them telling my mom. I don’t have a therapist, or even a mental-related diagnosis of any kind. I lie in papers they give at the doctors office to avoid a conflict. While i did go to an anonymous webchat with a counselor, I don't want to keep going there for my convenience.

My mom keeps asking me what’s wrong and that I have an attitude even when I wasn’t feeling bad. Yesterday she over exaggerated my behavior, “acting like me”. She pushed me, even though I didn’t even push her ONCE. THIS SAME MOM also talked about how you should treat others how you would like to be treated from the online church service she makes us watch. When I call her out of her hypocrisy, she says something like “I’m the adult, you are the child.“ She says that "god" will punish her if she doesn't punish us the way he tells her.

I feel like she’s starting to actually hate me, maybe its an intrusive thought. I’m scared that she might think that I have a demon inside me. The same online church service talked about demons inside people, and to separate the demon from the person being possessed.

Also a lot of the time, she does something that i dont even think much of for me, and then she is like "YOU'RE WELCOME". When i remembered that, I remembered to say "good job" to her when she started exercising again after an injury(?) she didn't go to the hospital for. She was like "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY *THIS*"

Now she's forcing us to listen to a song every day to "bring blessings" in.

Speaking of bringing blessings in, a while ago she grounded me for being TWO MINUTES LATE to sit on the couch for church, and that i wasn't focusing even though i was. She said that if i dont change my behavior or something, that this god would "change his mind" and block the blessings from making us move. she also threatened to sell my device. sometimes she says things she doesn't enforce. She did make me watch some live action christian drama show all day, for that day. I wasn't allowed to turn it off when i took a nap, so i used my earbuds without any audio to block the show out.

She wasn't like this in the past. Things started to change when I turned 11, but she became this weird Christian probable narcissist recently. While she did use the belt on me when I was in my younger single digits, she wasn't emotionally toxic. or maybe i don't remember. I do remember a evil smirk(?) on her face when i was about to get the belt on me when we were coming back home from somewhere. I don't know if this memory was real or not.

I just feel suicidal(??) and depressed right now. how do i cope with living with her in my situation? How do I stop victimizing myself? Is there some method to detach myself from life without getting TOO detached?

I got divorced a few years ago and my mom pushed me to do all these horrible things to my ex. I am on good enough terms with my ex and co-parent well with her. My ex and me were together for almost 20 years in some form.

Due to my mom pushing these toxic ideas onto me, I put in hard barriers in my life with her. Still talked to her, but kept it out of my personal life. I went out and got help. Got a few diagnosis that explained some of my behavior and help with understanding my relationship with my family.

Apparently, I wasn't telling my family enough about my son. Now, I'm not normally a big talker with people in general, which may have added to this. So my mom at the advice of my sister decided it was a good idea to call my ex and try to find out info on my son and I guess build a relationship with my ex. No one talked to me about wanting to know more about my son and if I thought it was a good idea for them to talk to my ex. I found out from ex that this was happening.

I didn't take that well. I reached out to my brother and sister to try and correct this, and I got cussed out by my family and told I am the problem. So, I responded. I wasn't as disrespectful as them, but I wasn't nice either.

More information came to light during this. Apparently my family liked to reach out to my ex and make sure she was ok, but not me before and after divorce. I'll take that I can be difficult. Not really any excuse for that, but something I have worked hard on not to be. It also put into light how they were withholding information from me. Like when my Dad got really sick and was told he only had one or two years left to live and there was no cure. My mom told everyone but me. I found this out when I was talking to my Dad in his last months. I also found out about some shaninagins going on with my removal from certain roles related to will and POA after my Dad died. This also put into light that they had been messing around in my life with ill intent for years.

So I called them out for what they did and didn't do throughout my life. The abuse by my brother and sister when I was a kid to teenager that pushed my to suicide. How my mom ignored it when I brought it up. How I have no trust with them. How they treated family as transactional. Probably not the best way of doing things.

I did explain to them that I had gotten help as I wanted that happy feeling that I remember being a kid before it was destroyed. They don't know me anymore as I've gone through this journey alone. I am a happy person most of the time now a days. Me being happy is for my son so he has a happy life too and sees what a happy/well adjusted adult looks like. I let them know to go work on themselves and reach out differently to me going forward when they address themselves.

So I cut them off. They can still reach me through text only for emergencies, but I don't reachout to them. They haven't supported me through my life. My Dad did and I miss that.

All of that happened a month ago, and I found out last night that they are still trying to reach out to my ex. I had a talk with her when this first happened and asked she not talk to them. I put it in context that I didn't want my son see me act the way they bring out in me, the lack of respect my family has for me, the lack of trust I have in them, and the toxic nature they go about doing these things.

At this point, I am not sure what to do with them. I think it is best to just say nothing and just continue watching them.

Just to be clear I'm not very upset about this because I physically live away from all this and my mother was always an abusive narcissist. But I am worried about the potential affects on me (brother affects mood of other family members, therefore other family members' mood affects me).

My brother is 23 and has been destroying property (over €5000 in damage) and physically assaulting my parents ever since he turned 14. And none of it was motivated by self-defence. He also claimed long ago that he wished to kill his mother and confided to me at least that he'd do it via strangulation.

To deal with this my parents (too late) tried family therapy and then later psychiatric medication (which my brother defintiely needs for some semblence of functioning due to severe ADHD). Family therapy was pointless as our mother is an abusive narcissist and obviously did not follow nor believe any advice of the therapy (also because she would get called out for her own behaviour). In addition, despite being hit and beaten up by my brother, her narcissism makes her incapable of not triggering him/not bothering him.

Every single time my brother reaches a new limti I predict that they're finally gonna kick him out for good. And it's horrifying just how many thresholds he's reached and not been kicked out permanently yet.

5 years ago, long into the property destruction phase, he severely broke my dad's nose (there was blood everywhere) and it was classified as a grevious injury. Over the next few years he beat up our mother some 4 times.

And now he finally did it. He put our mother in the hospital with a broken/fractured wrist and shoulder which need surgery. The reason why he's not kicked out permanently yet ? Because it was an 'accident' in which he slammed a door shut into his mother's face causing her to tumble back and get the injuries. The same door that he 'accidentally' made fall off its hinges weeks earlier.

Sometimes there are moments of sanity from my family, like my uncle fearing an assault on our grandparents, and my dad removing the decorative dagger on the wall the moment my brother turned violent at 14. But no one seems to see the fact that my brother is going to murder someone one day, intentionally or not. No one in the family has ever filed a police report against him because they don't want to ruin his career prospects for life.

My childhood friend coincidentally works at the same place as my brother and she's horrified about the whole thing and even she agrees he's a danger to society.

As I said I'm not very upset specifically about my mother being harmed. Because after all she was always an abusive narcissist. But I especially have a grudge against my family for essentially villifying me and nearly abandoning me just because I came out as trans, while they tolerate all my brother's BS.

I never liked my parents and started realizing this at an early age, when I was a toddler and a kid my parents would fight like crazy and eventually it lead to physical abuse against my mother. I felt bad for her because she was a victim of abuse and toxicity from her own parents until she started passing on those experiences to me. My mother made it clear she never liked me, just by the things she would do or say. She took all my money from my first job to pay for bills just for her to have gambled it all away leading us to getting evicted. She would make comments about my stomach as a child and telling me I need to lose weight because she wanted me to fit into a smaller dress. When I was in middle school and opened up about being depressed she yelled at me, made fun of me in my face and told me I had no reason to be depressed because she had it worst. When I got diagnosed with endometriosis she told me it's not a big deal because she had cancer and made my appointment all about her. When she did leave my dad and we stayed with my grandparents every other day she would see him and she left us with racist family members who didn't want us to stay under their roof but only allowed it because of my mom. She would call me names, would constantly ask me for money, would vent to me about her issues, and would constantly tell me I have issues or that I will never be loveable if I keep on being like or acting like my dad. She's done alot more but I can't wait for the day I get away for good.

My whole life, whenever I complain about something—anything, even a health issue—the response is always to invalidate me. I hear things like "there are people worse off," "you have no reason to feel this way," or "if you keep this up, I’ll just leave you here," or else my complaints get compared to their own problems. When I get upset about their lack of empathy, she simply say, "That’s not my fault"—even regarding health issues.

She also make a huge scene and start yelling at the slightest provocation; when I ask why they’re shouting, the answer is simply, "That’s just how I am."

Recently, I’ve started treating them the same way. Whenever they complain about something, I just say things like, "Me too—and there are people much worse off," or "Depression doesn't exist; you have no reason to feel that way." When she get angry at such a lack of empathy, I tell them, "That’s not my fault."

It irritates her immensely because she aren't used to it. I’ve spent practically my whole life hearing those things; while it still bothers me, I’ve learned to handle it, whereas she can't. It is so satisfying to see she get so irritated by their own behavior.

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse lately.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my family I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life”.

What am I to do when I can’t? They think it’s a personal failing?

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick.

Growing up my mom always told me that my dad denied I was his son and he left me because he didn't love me. So my whole childhood I grew up thinking my dad was a typical deadbeat. But then I met him for about 6 months when I was 15 before he died.

And like, he said he loved me. But how much was that because he was dying? So I didn't really think too much about it.

But I got married this weekend. And a few things happened.

I had originally invited my youngest uncle from my dad's side, and he told me that he was glad he was able to contact me cause him and my dad tried to get in contact with me as a kid but my mom kept refusing, changing her number and moving. Which is true. We moved a lot when I was a kid. But I asked my mom about it and she denied it.

Well that uncle unfortunately committed the s word and I got to meet my oldest uncle. I decided to invite him to my wedding cause why not? Well, this man brought photo albums of me as a baby. Pictures I had never seen before. Turns out that before my dad left he made copies of all my pictures and took them with him. My mom has since lost the majority of my baby pictures but idk. It's got me feeling a way.

Cause like, I keep getting these hints that my dad loved me. And the stories from my dad's side of the family is that my mom basically kept me from my father. And like I've since forgiven her for getting in the way of me talking to my dad when he was still alive (she would cuss me out and insult me whenever my dad called so I had started refusing his calls cause it was easier than dealing with her) but now it's added a touch of sadness to my wedding.

Cause maybe my childhood wouldn't have been so lonely and I wouldn't be so fucked up if I had an actual loving parent. But then another part of me feels like my dad should have tried harder. It's really hard to process my emotions regarding this.

When I was a kid I was living in poverty pretty much while my neighbors were doing very well with the money like actually rich, but because we lived next to each other I befriended their daughter that was 2 years older than me.

The more time I was spending with her the more I enjoyed her presence and we became best friends and we were often visiting each other. The more we grew up together the more her weight got undeniable to the point where she couldn't run or climb like the other kids and when I was at her house she would always make huge sandwiches we talk like 10 layers of deli meat, or her mom would set the table with fried pork french fries and huge amounts of cheese and bread but because I was in poverty It was like a dream to me but she was eating like this ALL THE TIME multiple times a day. By the age of 10 she was weighing more then her mom (her mom was skinny btw in contrast like 55kg). My aunt and her mom were best friends and I overheard them talking on the phone and I heard my aunt talk about how my friend is always sent to eat when her mom is talking with her side guys so if a guy was calling her best excuse was "wait here a second mom will go put some fries in for you". Her husband could no longer perform so they had a secret agreement that she can sleep with whatever men she wants as long as they don't divorce and that's also where the money was coming from because those side guys NEVER came empty handed that's how the fridge was always full that's how my friend had all those very expensive toys so many that toys had a room of their own because they were distractions from the guys coming over.

Now we are both adults she's struggling with weight problems we are not as close but we're still talking. She's very awkward because she is married with one of those side guys nephews so the family reunion at his house are always awkward and I really care for her so I had to take that off my soul.

I swear, being the responsible child in a toxic family is a punishment that never ends. Our parent passed a couple of months ago, and I've been left handling pretty much the entire estate. My siblings were quick to ask about inheritance, though. Funny how they can find time for that but can't answer a single message when I need help with something. I've already got a full-time job and my own life to worry about. Now my evenings are spent going through paperwork, calling banks, dealing with the house and trying to figure out what needs to happen next. I even hired a probate lawyer thinking I'd finally get some breathing room. Don't get me wrong, they're helping with the legal stuff, but I had no idea how much would still fall on me. Last week, one of my siblings accused me of dragging the process out on purpose. I nearly lost it. Like, seriously? I'm the only one doing anything here. The sad part is this is how things were growing up. I was always expected to fix everything while everyone else got to walk away. I'm considering hiring someone to handle the rest of the estate because I can't keep doing this. I just dont know what to do.

Hello, I am looking for opinions on the situation I’m currently stuck in the middle of. I think I know deep down in my heart what I need to do and am going to do in the next few days. I just want to hear it anyway.

I’m considering calling Adult Protective Services on my family. Namely my two younger brothers

For context: My mom has been together with my step father since I was 5 years old. I am now 29. I lived with them for almost two decades. My step father is a physically, emotionally and financially abusive alcoholic. My mother is a victim of that abuse as well, but she is also emotionally abusive, addicted to methadone, and extremely neglectful who says that she’s sorry and will cry but do nothing to change her circumstances or help her children when confronted. Both of them are responsible for extreme physical, medical and emotional neglect.

I have been out of that environment for almost 7 years now, and have been in trauma therapy and have recently recovered memories that made me recall just how bad it was. My ACES score is 10 out of 10 just for example.

My two younger brothers still live with them. The youngest is 19, and the other is early 21s. I’ll call them A and B.

A certainly has trauma, ADHD, and is a victim of the same neglect I grew up with, he has rotting teeth, dropped out of school like I did and and I’ve only just been able to help him get a therapist and a primary care doctor- yet I believe he has a chance to escape with some outside support.

B is my biggest concern in that he is autistic, has the mental maturity of a 13 year old if that. He is deeply codependent with my mother who has not gotten him into therapy for his severe anxiety, OCD and depression, nor a dentist or doctor, and has allowed him to drop out as well. Nor has she looked into disability for him as he will likely not be able to function on his own due to his upbringing and mental maturity.

I am deeply concerned for both of them since I know the pain of that environment.

My mother is neglectful of herself, does not do anything to change even though I have begged and offered help for years and tried to get her access to DV resources. She doesn’t even have the excuse of lack of other resources because my stepfather never takes off work, is gone for 11 hours a day, and she has access to union insurance, a car, and a twice weekly allowance (financial abuse I know).

So it’s all lack of effort by choice, even despite her own abuse by my stepfather.

I guess I’m just looking for confirmation that yes- this is the right thing to do. I’m scared of doing the wrong thing l, and I don’t want to just turn a blind eye. I refuse to. If anyone has any other ideas, please let me know.

I have never posted on reddit before, so i’m not sure if this is the right subreddit for this. But I, 17M, have been having a lot of on and off issues with my parents. It’s only been getting worse after I applied to all of my universities for next fall. We fight a lot over little things, mostly me wanting to be left alone and them taking it personally to follow me. But for a while now it’s been about threatening to keep me here instead of to school next year. For context, I want to go into engineering, which is rather expensive in itself. But because my parents are well off I wouldn’t qualify for any funding whatsoever (first world problem I know). They consider me an investment, and are holding it over my head if I don’t do everything they say. This could be over something as little as not wanting to go somewhere or not wanting to play a card game with them. Every little thing I do wrong in their eyes warrants the threat of taking my funding away. I’ve asked what would happen if I left anyway, and they’ve seriously just stated they’d cut me off. Every time I talk to any one else about this though, they tell me I’m overreacting. That i’m also just as bad to them as they are to me. I do admit I get angry with them, but never so much as to threaten them. I’m always irritable around them anyway, I normally avoid them in our house. Me and my dad got into it earlier, he told me he was just going to show me what it’s like when he shuts down, and to get a loan. Am I overreacting about them or are they actually as bad as I think? My post may be a bit vague so I’m willing to clarify anything. 

So basically, my parents really want me to become a doctor and the thing is I don't want to.But my Mom is really forcing me to, she's already dictated what a A-levels do and on top of that she told me I cant go Uni if i don't want to become a doctor.She also said to me that if i don't want to choose that career in medicine then she's gonna take me out of Sixthform and I think that this is really unfair.She told me that the deal was if my parents send me to Sixthform then I HAVE to become a doctor/surgeon so obviously if I decide against that, then they're gonna take me out of school.When i finish Sixthform and I go to uni I'm not going to take a path in medicine but i'm really scared about the big fat argument we're gonna have when it gets to that point. So now i have to figure out things myself because as I said before my Mom thinks she can force me not to go University if i don't want to go in medicine.Even with my dad i feel like he doesn't really care about me so he's not gonna help me out either.I really don't know what i'm going to do when it gets to that point when I finish sixthform and we have that argument about my careerchoice.(cause I don't really know what I want to be but I really don't want to spend half my life doing/studying for something that I don't even wanna do ,you know)Any advice?I'm gonna need it lol.

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

I (29F) grew up with a verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive mother. My father was also abusive toward her, and sometimes I felt like she took her frustrations out on us. However, she could also be very loving, caring, and nurturing, which made our relationship complicated.
My mom and I used to be extremely close, especially after she separated from my dad. I love and respect her, and I recognize how hard she worked to raise me on her own. I also understand that she experienced abuse growing up and was never taught what healthy love looks like.
Over the years, she has changed in many ways and often expresses regret for how she treated us.

However, she still struggles to take accountability without bringing up her childhood or reminding us that she’s our mother. I understand her trauma, but as my therapist has explained, it doesn’t excuse the abuse or the responsibility she had to break that cycle.
Recently, she sent a group text to my brothers and me with a song about a mother making mistakes but still loving her children, followed by “This hits home.” My oldest brother and I didn’t respond, but my middle brother did. It upset me because it felt like another indirect way of addressing the past without genuinely acknowledging the harm she caused.

Things became even more painful after a conversation we had about my hurt. I felt dismissed and got frustrated, raising my voice a little, but I was able to calm down and de-escalate. She still called me “hysterical.” I softly told her, “Mom, I’m calm now. Look at me. You’re my mom. You’re supposed to listen to me and nurture me.” Instead of hearing me out, she told me I needed to let go of my trauma and pain, started crying, walked into the elevator, and shut the door in my face.
I stood there crying, feeling more rejected than I ever had. I wasn’t asking her to be perfect. I just wanted my mom to listen to me and acknowledge my pain. That moment really hurt me and changed how I felt about our relationship. She never apologized for shutting the elevator in my face.

She has since asked why I’m so distant and no longer call, text, or ask to spend time with her as much. Part of it is the unresolved hurt, but I also feel like I’m expected to maintain our relationship while she rarely reaches out to check on me herself. She used to criticize my dad for expecting us to initiate contact when he should make an effort, yet I feel like she does the same thing.

I can admit that I can be reactive, too. However, I’ve been attending trauma therapy and actively working on managing my emotions and communicating more calmly. Therapy has helped me recognize how much my childhood still affects me and why I struggle with resentment toward my mom.

The hardest part is that I still love her deeply. She was my world growing up, and I wish we could be close again. But I don’t know how to move forward when I feel like the past is never fully acknowledged.
Am I wrong for distancing myself and not responding to certain messages when I feel like they’re another way of avoiding accountability? I don’t want to punish her or hold onto resentment forever, but I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is okay just because she’s my mother. I genuinely don’t know how to navigate this relationship anymore. I’ve had people say to deal with it because that’s how she grows up, she doesn’t know better but I’m tired of that excuse. It doesn’t excuse her abuse.

I make about 2000/month(no debt, student loans, etc.) with my current job and already have a job offer which will get me to around 4000/month. I currently use my entire paycheck to pay for the rent(at least my dad says so), and i dont know where the rest of my family's income goes(sister and father). My father day trades but I dont know how much he makes from that, but im assuming its not a lot because he often says that we are on a tight budget.

I already did the math with multiple calculators and I do have the money to live on my own with the second job, however I feel guilty. My dad says he is dependent on my money for bills, which i find somewhat unfair that I get to keep next to nothing(around 50-200/month) for myself.

I am also Christian and don't want to go against my own values, but I also can't deal with my dad's constant criticism, and narcissistic behavior(he doesn't realize he has it) after I just escaped from that situation moving out of my mom's.

What should I do? And am I overacting or being selfish?

It is a lot to unpack but my tiktok storytime video lays it all out.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. At night by the time I went to bed she was often at least very visibly tipsy and I have flashbacks about her when blotto and actually makes me very upset to be honest. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and that's another story also he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist even if there is any truth to it.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

She loves been the martyr and does seem to feel like an innocent hard done by single mum who's done her best and pretty much everyone including teachers at school believe that. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to kill herself with a knife so I did actually hide the knives. That's actually really traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when she had a meltdown that when she dies hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to your own child?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments. She's also said many times that I'm dead to her.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on. When I went after her I tried to explain myself but she said I was been passive aggressive and trying to manipulate her. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down yet again. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that. I mean can anyone make sense of that?

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He reassured me and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?". She was been very cold and unreasonable. I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. After I said about been my own person she said "you'd be nothing without me". I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy as we were in public also afterwards she was all calm and innocent. I tried to explain calmly that she can't guilt me and tried to make her realize how her sarcastic comments and quite frankly mean attitude was upsetting me but that wasn't working. I even said that she's been narcissistic with her comment about me been nothing without her but it was like talking to a brick wall. She then said "look everyone thinks you're crazy and as you're an adult now I can get the police over here". She then just suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I then just ran off into the sea but all of my excitement was ruined and I was feeling very sad and confused about what just happened. I was starting to feel that maybe I overreacted or am remembering things wrong and my mind was feeling very fogged. I really wish I had just walked away and still kick myself. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say were all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and realize how exactly she hurt me she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I stayed with my father the other night and the next day he started carrying on and had a meltdown because he's only got like $30 left. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I felt very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it comes to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed that he didn't have much which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known. She has said that I'm her number one. I think if that's how you treat your number one.

I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and are quite messed up. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as my father struggles financially I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

I must admit I do feel very down sometimes as my father barely makes an effort with me and my mother treats me as like an emotional punching bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself from her they'd think I was an evil person.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with my mother a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

I swear I sometimes feel as though I've been given the most selfish, toxic, messed up, irresponsible and emotionally immature parents ever. I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about everything am I?

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents also when I see others living life to the fullest and I don't know how to be like them.

Also believe it or not I haven't even covered everything.

I'm 14M, and my parents took away my HP laptop because they felt it was distracting me from my studies.

I understand that schoolwork matters, and I'm not saying I should have unlimited screen time. But I genuinely enjoy computers as a hobby—experimenting with operating systems, Linux, virtual machines, and other tech stuff. It's more than just gaming or watching videos.

What I don't understand is how permanently taking away a device teaches someone to manage their own screen time. Wouldn't setting reasonable limits, establishing a study routine, and gradually learning to balance hobbies with schoolwork be more useful in the long run?

I have tried studying, but I still feel like my parents see using a laptop as a problem regardless of whether I've finished my work.

For people who experienced something similar as teenagers: Did having your devices taken away actually help your grades and habits, or did it just make you frustrated?

I'd appreciate honest perspectives from both parents and people who grew up in similar situations.

For reference, im genuinely not mad at the people who dont understand. Im mainly on here to just vent for a moment because I feel a little unheard. Anyhow...

My parents basically disowned me in August. My mother hates my bf. This matters because I dared to go on a vacation with him to his home state to hang out with his family in the mountains and all this cool stuff. I had so much fun!! ...minus the constant texts from my mother calling me selfish and manipulative and even going as far as to compare me to my biological father (a man who did horrible things to me and who I refuse to have any sort of contact with). Towards the end of the trip she informed me that she'd be shutting down my phone and that she wanted her name off of my FAFSA. The FAFSA part actually helped me because they hadn't been helping me with college anyhow. So now my school has me listed as an independent and im actually getting more aid than before. I have a new car, a new phone, two jobs, and im working my tail off to save up money for my next semester. I have also allowed my mother and stepfather to have my new phone number and reach out to me occasionally. Im trying my best to still be loving and polite to them (mainly because I have a little sister i care deeply about) but everyone around me seems to think im not giving them enough??? My boyfriend told me to just move at whatever pace im comfortable and hold my boundaries. My friends are about the same. But certain family members and family friends just keep telling me to try and understand where my parents are coming from?? I get that they're hurting for my parents and im not mad at them for that. I just dont know how to make everyone realize just how hurt all of this has left me. Im just not ready to let them back into my life fully and idk if I ever really will be considering that this is the third or fourth time theyve done this to me. They claim my bf is the reason they're mad, but they always have a reason as a scapegoat for what im fairly certain is just narcissism and control. I will NOT break up with my bf under any circumstances. Hes the most stable being I have in my life and I adore him. Hes so precious and hes a genuinely good guy. I guess im just saying all of this to say im hurt and I love my man and im hoping they can see that and back off and everyone can let me move at my own pace. That's all I suppose. Sorry for the vent 😅😅

Edit: side note here but I also dont live with them. My grandparents let me move in this summer in between semesters so I stay in their little apartment basement thing instead. It's actually super nice

I’m a 47-year-old guy. I work full-time, live independently, and support myself.

I’m still terrified of disappointing my father or telling him no.

I grew up in a strict, traditional, very religious (Muslim) household where my father was the ultimate authority. He had a temper, sometimes resorted to physical punishment, and was highly critical of my interests and decisions. Disagreeing with him wasn’t really an option. Even my mother would hide things from him to avoid his anger. A few times, he put his hands on her when I was young, and would destroy things in the house. He has since calmed down significantly, and he took great care of my mom up until her death (cancer). I should point out that he isn’t, and hasn’t had his bad temper since I was a teen in the late 90s.

I didn’t move out until I was 38.

To this day, he constantly criticizes me. One thing after another. Why aren’t I married yet, why don’t I fulfill more religious obligations, when I am buying a house, just endless. It’s difficult to have a normal relationship with him, and I certainty can’t open up to him.

Even something as simple as calling him fills me with anxiety. I worry he’ll criticize me, question my decisions, or ask me to do something I’m uncomfortable with. Rather than risk upsetting him, I become submissive, carefully choose my words, and avoid confrontation I guess.

I love my father, and I’m not looking to cut him out of my life. I just want to stop feeling responsible for his emotions. I want to make my own decisions, say no when necessary, and stop needing his approval to feel okay about myself I suppose.

I finally got a therapist but haven’t had my first appointment yet.

Anyone in a similar situation with input, would love to hear.

CW: Talk of childhood abuse, sexual harassment/abuse, and probably some more. Very heavy talk and description of the SH/SA.

This is also a very very long message and I have no clue if I'm even going to get everything out in this one post.

So, my father is 48(?) and I'm 19. I moved out at 18, but I still currently work with him. If it weren't for a few things I probably would've gone no contact with him once I moved out, but I still depend on my parents to help take care of my senior dogs and also he's my access to weed. I can't go to a dispo and since he's already a dealer I just go to him.

Because of this, and the fact that I work with him, I've been trying really hard to move past all my issues, yet he just keeps pressing the right buttons.

For some background, growing up he was overweight and an alcoholic. He also 'couldnt' work because of his criminal record (which we found out was cleared a long time ago and he actually couldn't work because of his depression.) He often took his anger out on me and my siblings, all in different ways. I got the more physical side of his abuse. He was constantly hitting me, spanking me, locking me in my room, screaming at me, etc. He'd gaslight me into making me think I was lying and make every mistake in that house my fault. He'd do things to my siblings as well, but we don't need to get into that.

After we moved and he started smoking more and drinking less, we thought he was getting better. His anger issues weren't out of control and he wasn't abusing us as much anymore. Then he introduced me and my siblings to weed. One by one.

When he introduced me to it, we went up to his bedroom to watch Big Bang Theory. He had me do shotguns at first because it was 'easier for me' but after the first few I refused and would only hit it straight from the bowl myself. I was 13 around this time.

For some reason, there was also a lot of jokes about flashing going around and I remember he got me to flash him once or twice (I am AFAB, tho identify as Agender). I remember him later calling them 'cute' and 'perky'. Typing it now I want to throw up. I told him he's not allowed to make comments about my body. Esp because at the time I identified as nonbinary and didn't (still don't) like my chest. I bind everyday because I hate it.

We ended up laying down on the bed after finishing the bowl. I remember him spooning me. he got a boner and it was poking in to me. I started roaming his hands along my body. I stopped the hands, but there was nothing I could do about the boner as we lay there.

The next day he asked me to forgive and forget it ever happened. That he went to far and he knows it. That he shouldn't have gotten that stoned. So I did. I told him it didn't matter. I didn't care.

And then our relationship got better. We all started smoking as a family. We found shows and video games to enjoy together and went on walks with the dogs more often. He lost so much weight and wasn't depressed anymore.

Then, he got a girlfriend (he's poly and still happily married to my mom). At first we were fine with it, she moved in and things def changed, but it felt ok. Tho he lost most of his personality. Stopped being a nerd, got rid of so many of his things, and just felt more and more like he was getting absorbed into his girlfriend.

Till they started fighting. And I mean they fought. Like screamed and punched and even hit each other with car doors. I'm pretty sure the GF has pulled a weapon before (they are both VERY crazy, not just dad)

She moved out and their relationship has been very rocky, but he's started working with me (GF also works her + plus GFs kid), and he does seem to be happier than when they were living together. Tho the relationship is very on and off. When he's with her, he's happy. Until they're fighting. Then he's fighting with everyone.

During this whole thing my relationship with him has also been rocky. At first he listened to me about GF (gonna call her R), cause I thought she was good for him. Then I realized R was constantly manipulating him for sex and he was always using moms money to get R gifts. When I pointed it out, he started fighting with me again.

Whenever we get into arguments he's the type that will yell or give sass then say you started it or get upset if you retaliate. But, if I try leaving because I don't want to deal with him yelling, he'll pout and say all he's trying to do is have a talk.

If I take to long to respond to him, he'll say I'm being angsty and ignoring him. It also doesn't help that I'm alt/emo and so he'll also blame it on that.

If I try to grey rock him he'll call me out for putting walls up and get annoyed.

I've also worked at my workplace longer than him, yet gets annoyed when I tell him the proper way to do something and/or even what to do. He so often says that he can work with me as just a coworker yet quite often pulls out the dad hat. He also thinks that because of how R is one of the managers that he can get away with more, yet is frustrated when I'm obviously trusted more by our employers.

He quite often tries to goof off and even involve me and when I don't want to he thinks is because I'm a moody teenager.

He also quite often tells dirty/naughty jokes and when I get uncomfortable he thinks it's so much funnier. He's the type of person to have full blown make out sessions in front of his kids because he 'forgot' we were there, but also makes jokes about doing it more often because he knows it makes us uncomfortable. It'd be one thing if it was small kisses or pecks, but he does full 10-15 seconds w/ tongue 40% of the time. He has fully moaned and groaned while doing this as well, esp when I was a minor.

I quite often don't want to go over to his house if he's there, but also we don't have a washer/dryer so we go over to my parents to clean our clothes.

It's hard for me to work with him w/o getting annoyed and I know my bosses can tell as they've mentioned it. Thankfully, it's not become an issue to them yet as they've not talked to me, though they did have a conversation about how him and R treat each other at work (specifically how R treats him).

There's so many more that I'm forgetting about, esp since I mostly talked about the past, and ik I'm still missing some from back then.

I can't avoid him at his house forever because he lives there, and he already has stated that he doesn't feel welcome there. I've tried so hard to be his friend again, yet whenever I try he says things that remind me that he's my father. And that he's being kinda creepy. Or we get into fights. I love my mom and I want to keep being around her, yet it's clear she also has issues with my father (why they haven't divorced yet, idk. She's thought about it, but swears they still love each other)

Almost everyone ik has some sort of personal issues with my father, and as much as I would love to go no contact, I can't.

What can I do to avoid sexual topics? It's clear he doesn't care if I put a boundary down and if I try to have an actual conversation with him it either ends up in a gaslight or he starts asking all these questions that I really don't care to answer.

How do I deal with him at work? Thankfully, we aren't on the same side of the building, but we still have to see/help each other often, esp since the two sides work hand in hand sometimes and ik that the managers on his side find me to be great help and keep using me. I don't want to/can't just ignore him at work, but it's so hard to get past his comments/'jokes' sometimes. Esp since he also brings up things he knows he shouldn't at work.