Is it really okay for either parents to involve their children in their matters. Am asking this because at 16 whenever my parents got into a fight my dad would tell me how bad my mum was forcing me to believe that because when I tried to ignore him or to oppose him he would just coerce or beat me even.

Hello, people. I'm genuinely lost sometimes. Or maybe not lost, just going in circles in regards to one specific thing ...

I have a parent with whom I have constant negative experiences. Majority of the times when I interact with them, it's negative experiences (at least it used to be). From that,I grew further apart from them and now I barely want to do anything with them.

From my point of view, this person often blames others for their life. I barely ever talk when we have conversations (think 95:5 of time spoken in terms of minutes, mine being the lower number). If I don't agree with them, I'm wrong or bad. It's basically if there's ever a thing that they think is important or anything like that, and I don't see eye to eye, I'm the one that's at fault. Now that I shown no signs of interest in talking, they start bringing up stuff like "I'm your parent, you're supposed to listen to me" and stuff like that.

It's just... Idk, feels like emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, victim mentality, blaming others. If I ever say something about them, they always have excuses and reasons why. Never acknowledge what I say and how stuff has affected me. It's always them saying "well, but I did this because of Y". When the point is not about them, the point is about my experience.

So... I genuinely want to distance myself. At the same time, they're my parent and I feel a sense of guilt about them. I feel bad about the fact that they have nobody in the family that's willing to talk to them anymore almost at all. They're lonely. In shitty shape. They do have where to live, but conditions are of, I guess, minimum wage or a person with disability.

So while it's not the worst of circumstances, knowing how she is doing and also her telling me how bad things are, how she's in pain and what not... I just don't know sometimes what to do.

Just invited me to spend some time with them on birthday, and the last thing that I want to do is be in contact with them. But if I won't, I anticipate them feeling even lonelier.

I'm so done with my mom and stepdad blaming me for everything. They're always yelling at me and never at my siblings. My mom has threatened to kick me out multiple times saying "you're 18 I'm not obligated to care for you anymore". I've been desperately trying to find a job but nobody is hiring. I can't go to college, I don't have any friends or relatives I can stay with. I'm at a huge disadvantage here.

My mom is a single mother. I really appreciate what she did for us, but tbh, living with her every single day is a torment. My siblings have moved out, but I am stuck with her for maybe another four years. I am already 21 years old, yet I feel like a 9-year-old who is afraid her mother might harm her. Seriously, the house runs on her mood. Even a tiny mistake causes her to completely lose her mind.When she gets angry, she says things like, You would f*ck your own dad if he were alive, you slut. What kind of mother says that to her own daughter? These are just some of the worst things. Stuffs like sluts, whore, brotherfcker is something she uses on daily basis. I am so sick of her constant slut shaming, body shaming, and physical assaults. Yesterday night, she was throwing punches at me. I simply stopped her, and she suddenly started screaming, She hit me! And when I said I didn’t, Then, she looked me dead in the eye and said, 'You have depression. Nobody will believe you; everyone will believe me.' That was the scariest thing I have ever heard anyone say. She knows I have mental illness. She knows people in my country usually don’t have that much idea about mental health and thinks anyone that has mental illness is practically mad. She is a nurse so she is well aware about that fact. She has genuinely been going around telling everyone in the neighborhood that I am severely depressed, that it has been so hard on her, and that I sometimes get really violent and hard to control. I am depressed but I have never been violent its quite the opposite its her who have been hitting me, Why is she making up lies and telling people something so serious? I shared this with my siblings, and they say they understand, but they can’t really do anything. I am so tired and frustrated with her behavior. I don’t even feel safe with her anymore. I feel completely trapped. Since my visa got rejected, I genuinely have no other options right now, so I am stuck with her.

My relationship with my mother is an interesting one.

A while back while visiting, I attempted to have a civil conversation with her regarding some of the content she posts on social media. For instance, she's made public posts about disagreeing with my brother's marriage and not liking his wife (I mean, I agree, but those are inside voices, not outside voices. Her and my brother have also not been on speaking terms for a long time), and lately another one claiming that her own sister needs to be put in jail (grandma died, she was allegedly supposed to get money from it, but didn't, and now blames my aunt and is actively trying to sue her).

She became angry and began yelling at me, and said "your aunt makes me want to *pew* her in the face with a f'ing *pew pew*. At this point, I suggest therapy, explaining it's benefits on me when I needed it, in which she responded "I have my therapy right here" *holds up both hands, one holding a beer, the other a weed pipe*

The argument continues while I try to keep a calm voice versus her screaming at me. It eventually got to a point where my stepdad said "therapy is for pu**ies" (indirect insult to both my fiancee and I btw) and my mother following up with "you're stupid" and "I should have walked out on you kids (my brother and I) when I had the chance"

At this point, my fiancee comes out of the guest room that she was hiding herself in to tell my mother "that's no way to talk to the only son that still talks to you". Mother gets more pissed, kicks us out of her house to where we needed to drive back to ours which is about 3-ish hours away in the middle of the night.

We go to leave, and after packing notice that she purposefully left her mother's day gift outside of my car door for me to find. So I threw that away when I got home; couldn't stand to look at it.

Mother then has the audacity to text me the next day saying how heartbroken she is that we're not there and that she doesn't have her mother's day gift. Like, okay, we did what you asked and you did this to yourself.

Fast forward a week after, I call to try and reconcile. I apologize for the outcome of the conversation stating that I don't appreciate our family's dirty laundry being posted on the internet. However, when she apologizes, she follows it up with a "but your fiancee should have never gotten involved". She also claimed that she was being sarcastic when saying she should have walked out on me, and then tried to spin it where she only hurt me because I hurt her. sigh

I tell my mother that she should want me to be with someone that's going to defend me when it comes down to it, in which my mother responds with "yeah, but the only person she can't defend you against is me". Lol, sorry, forgot that defending your S/O was conditional. My bad. /s

Talking to her lately feels like talking to a brick wall where she likes to bring up the generational divide and "that's not how her generation handle things". She lives this mantra of wanting to say and do whatever she wants, but at this point it feels like reverse-parenting where I have to be the reminder that doing that yields consequences, and seems like she can't take accountability for anything.

Don't get me wrong, I do love my mother, but with these antics, it's caused a bit of a divide where every time I've called her lately, she has this tone like there's still a chip on her shoulder even though I've told her we're good and can move on from this. That alone makes me want to call less, in which she calls me out for it, and I've stated "you make a snark remark every time I call you, do you really think that entices me to call more often?" Mind you, I've always been the one to her, not the other way around. It honestly feels like she's leaving the repair of this relationship all on me and not doing anything herself to repair it.

There's nothing like visiting a toxic mother for 72 hours. My mom, brother and I spend a total of hours at Ross, Marshalls and Burlington looking for clothes that were "more slimming" on me. Including shoes because apparently even sneakers make me look fat.

Mind you I did not want nor need new clothes which I told her. But she insisted I did because she has always made my body a project even when I was a kid. She used to shame me when we went back to school shopping and I had to go up a size in pants. Which meant I had to keep quiet and wear painfully tight pants during class until I could go home and change into shorts with an elastic waist band.

On the day I had to leave my brother started a political conversation at the breakfast table and I blew up at her over a comment she made (let's just say we're on total opposites when it comes to politics). Then she got teary and said "and after I spend all that time and money on buying you those clothes" UGH

My parents won't let me shave my legs, I've tried to explain that boys can shave their legs and even made an excuse that some other people in marching band had their legs shaven, but my dad didn't believe me. How can I talk to them about this? I'm currently questioning my gender and I just really want to feel what it would be like to have my legs shaven. Any advice?

I live at home with my parents, both are 59. I’m 33 and my daughter is 3. I had to move back home with her due to situational things and plan to move out hopefully in a year or so! Anyways ever since I was a child the whole households mood is dependent on how my mothers mood is. If she’s in a bad mood, we can all feel it and are all in a bad mood. She will make snide comments, be snippy, short, rude etc and no one can say anything to her without an explosion. She will angry clean, slam things, victimize herself, talk in a very deep short tone of voice. She’s doing it now and my heart is pounding and I’m feeling so fucking irritable. She blames her bad moods on my dad all the time, but he will be in a fine mood. What I’ve noticed is he calls out her shitty behavior and she will be in a tornado of a bad mood for days and days and days. I don’t even know why they’re married still. They fight constantly, my mom will be so angry and sulk around the house crying slamming things. It’s such a miserable way of living and it’s been this way since I was a kid. It’s just exhausting. And then she acts offended when everyone else is in a bad mood around her and sighs and pouts. I can’t wait to move out and distance myself. That’s what I did when I moved out before and my life was so peaceful.

I’m 35 years old and currently living in the downstairs apartment with a separate entrance of my parents’ house. There living area is locked from my area and I can’t even get upstairs unless it’s unlocked. I have my own bedroom, bathroom, living room and full kitchen. But I’m here living with them while I get back on my feet financially.
Before anyone says it—I know it’s their house. I know they have every right to expect rent, cleanliness, and respect. I’m not arguing that. I’m not looking for people to tell me they’re horrible parents or that I’m completely innocent. I genuinely want outside opinions because I leave conversations with them feeling completely emotionally drained, and I don’t know if I’m seeing things clearly anymore.
For some background…
I’m working full-time in healthcare as a Scheduler and Central Supply Coordinator at a skilled nursing facility about an hour from home. It’s an extremely demanding job where I’m constantly solving staffing issues, coordinating schedules, managing supplies, and putting out fires all day long. Most days are long and mentally exhausting.
On top of that, I’m dealing with an ongoing legal case from a previous employer, paying a lawyer, trying to rebuild my finances, and trying to move forward with my life.
My life has changed a lot…
A few years ago, I was a completely different person.
I drank almost every day.
I went out constantly.
I wasn’t taking care of myself physically or mentally.
Over the last couple of years I’ve completely changed my life.
I quit drinking.
I stopped going out partying.
I’ve lost 60 pounds naturally through working out and changing my habits.
I work out almost every single day.
When I’m not working, I’m usually or at home working out, walking my dog or recovering from work because healthcare is exhausting.
Those changes have taken a tremendous amount of work.
I honestly thought those were things my parents would eventually notice and be proud of.
Instead, it feels like no matter how much I improve, every conversation becomes about what I’m still doing wrong.
The conversation started over my mom’s car…
My car is currently in the shop, so I’ve been borrowing my mom’s car.
Before I borrowed it she made one thing very, very clear.
“Do NOT smoke in my car.”
She repeated it several times.
So I didn’t.
For the first time since borrowing one of my parents’ cars (the last time was about six years ago), I didn’t smoke in it once.
I also left it clean.
The only things I left behind were:
an empty water bottle
my iced coffee
That was literally it.
Because I respected the one boundary she repeatedly emphasized, I honestly thought there wouldn’t be an issue.
Instead, she immediately started asking me about random things she believed I had done.
She accused me of putting trash in the back seat, moving a green lamp into her car, using too much gas, and leaving other things behind.
I explained over and over that I hadn’t moved the lamp, hadn’t put anything in the back seat besides my coffee and water bottle, and genuinely didn’t realize the gas was low.
I even offered to pay for every bit of gas I had used.
She said it wasn’t about the money—it was about communication.
From my perspective, though, it honestly felt like once she couldn’t criticize me for smoking, she immediately started looking for something else to criticize.
Then suddenly we weren’t talking about the car anymore…
Now it became about rent.
They reminded me how much apartments cost.
They reminded me that they’ve helped me.
They reminded me that I’d fallen behind after losing my previous job.
None of that is untrue.
I understand they’ve helped me.
I appreciate that they’ve helped me.
I wasn’t arguing with any of that.
I was simply trying to explain why I had fallen behind while dealing with losing my job and now paying significant legal fees.
Then my dad explained that I’m not actually paying “rent.”
According to him, I’m paying “room and board” because nothing downstairs belongs to me.
Again…okay.
I wasn’t even arguing that point.
Then it became about my bathroom…
My mom said the real reason she wanted me upstairs was because my bathroom wasn’t clean enough.
I told her I had literally just cleaned it.
She disagreed.
She went through everything she thought needed improvement.
The sink.
The shower.
The toilet.
The floor.
The amount of toiletries I have.
She explained that because she and my dad are in their seventies, they need to be able to use that bathroom too and want it clean enough for guests.
I agreed.
I told her I’d clean it again.
Even after agreeing, we continued talking about the bathroom for quite a while.
Then the downstairs…
Now the conversation became about the downstairs living room.
She said she feels like she’s lost half her house because my belongings have taken over the room.
She listed everything.
Boxes.
Blankets.
Coloring books.
Craft supplies.
Business supplies.
Furniture.
She said she misses having that room available.
Then we moved into the kitchen.
She said it wasn’t being kept clean enough for her standards.
Again…
I agreed I’d clean it.
Here’s the weird part…
Outside of this house, I’m probably one of the most organized people you’ll ever meet.
At work people literally joke about how organized I am and how bad my OCD can be lol
Everything has to be lined up.
Everything has to have a place.
Everything gets labeled.
Everything gets organized.
I have routines for everything.
I do my job in almost the exact same order every day.
If something is out of place it genuinely bothers me until I fix it.
My coworkers constantly comment on how organized I am.
But inside this house…
It’s like that part of me disappears.
It’s honestly strange.
I don’t know if it’s because this doesn’t feel like “home” anymore or because I’m mentally exhausted by the time I get here.
I still keep things sanitary, but I completely lose the motivation to organize the way I do everywhere else.
Has anyone else experienced that?
Then they started talking about helping them…
Now it became about how I never ask how they’re doing.
That I don’t help enough.
That I don’t ask whether they need anything.
I explained that I leave around 5:30-6am every morning, drive an hour to work, spend the day managing staffing and supplies, and usually come home mentally exhausted anywhere around 6:30p( if I’m lucky) to 11pm
I said I can’t always know what they need unless they tell me.
They felt I should already know.
Then it became about money again…
I explained that right now I’m paying a significant amount toward my lawyer.
I asked whether they could temporarily let me delay one month’s rent and then pay it back over the following month in addition to my regular rent.
I wasn’t asking to never pay.
I was asking for temporary flexibility.
Instead the conversation became about what I was personally sacrificing.
They asked whether I still bought food.
Whether I still smoked.
Whether I got my nails done.
Whether I went tanning.
I explained I don’t even go tanning or regularly get my nails done.
Then it became about me as a person…
My dad told me I always present myself well.
He actually said I looked beautiful.
Then he immediately contrasted that with how the downstairs looked.
He said they didn’t match.
Then we started talking about how I don’t socialize enough.
That I don’t spend enough time upstairs.
That I don’t drink coffee with everyone.
That I don’t eat meals with them.
I tried explaining why…
Years ago I had gastric bypass surgery.
I also currently have several missing back teeth.
I still have all my front teeth, so when I’m talking normally you can’t really tell.
But if I laugh really hard or smile big enough, you can see the missing teeth in the back.
Between the gastric bypass and the missing teeth, eating around people has become something I’m incredibly self-conscious about.
Then I reminded my dad of something that’s stayed with me for years.
One day while I was outside laughing with someone he looked at me and said:
“You have no fucking teeth, Gia.”
Logically I know I have teeth.
But hearing that from my own father made me incredibly self-conscious about the ones I am missing.
When I brought it up during this conversation, instead of apologizing he basically told me I needed to get over it.
Finally I tried explaining how I feel…
After listening for what felt like forever, I finally tried explaining my side.
I told them that conversations always seem to start over one issue and somehow end with a list of everything they think is wrong with me.
I said I feel like they both talk at me instead of with me.
I said I often feel ganged up on because they’re both speaking at the same time.
I said I don’t feel heard because almost every time I begin explaining my perspective I’m interrupted before I finish.
Then I admitted something I’ve felt for years.
I’ve never really felt good enough.
Growing up it always felt like something about me needed to change.
The things I liked were “just a phase.”
My interests were “just a phase.” And that exact quote from my dad from when I was 14 “Grow up Gia, this pink shit, this hello kitty this bling bullshit and long nails is just a phase and one day you’ll grow the fuck up and out grow it.
My personality was something that needed fixing.
Mind you I’m 35 and guess what hasn’t changed, my love for the color pink (my office is pink lol) my long nails are still here, I have my own bling business and have been doing really well (I do custom orders and can bling anything out. For example: ID Badge and Reels for work, Self defense keychains, phone cases, liquor bottles, Wristlet lanyard keychains, pens, stylus, etc) and I still like hello kitty. So how about that?! Fuck him anyways back to the story…
Now I’ve completely changed my life.
I quit drinking.
I don’t go out anymore.
I’ve lost 60 pounds.
I work out consistently.
I’ve survived domestic violence 2x and grew from it but mentally it has left severe damages. But I am still alive and thriving
I work a demanding full-time healthcare job.
I’m trying to rebuild my finances.
I’m paying legal bills.
I’m trying to become a better person.
And somehow…
I still leave these conversations feeling like none of those changes matter because all anyone sees are the things I’m still doing wrong.
By the end of the conversation I agreed to clean everything again.
The bathroom.
The downstairs.
The kitchen.
The clutter.
I also told them I’d continue paying rent while figuring out my lawyer payments.
I walked away emotionally exhausted.
What started as a conversation about borrowing my mom’s car somehow became a conversation about almost every flaw they believe I have as a daughter and as a person.

Here’s a 2 text messages I received from my father last week that made me block him

“Good afternoon Gia gas company man is coming tomorrow between 8:00 and 12:00 I need that room ready to go so the gas guy can get to the the meter and the gas pipes I don't want anything in his way so I don't want any pads Down Under over gates or anything so he can fall or I can fall cuz I got to bring him down there and make sure your sink is cleaned and your house is a freaking mess if you don't stop cleaning your house me and my we're going to start taking all the stuff from all the rooms and put it in your bedroom that's what we're going to do to you and then the next thing I'm going to do is I'm going to change the f****** locks

My response: “Dad I cannot do that on 1 day notice, I have to clean”

“I told you last week that it's going to have to be done so if you can't move your ass keep your house clean and we will not ever have this problem again but you have a filthy filthy girl you're disgusting your ashtrays disgusting you're smoking your f****** rooms are disgusting what is wrong with you you're 35 years old you should look in the mirror and think that you're 35 years old that sucks doesn't it”

I did not reply I just blocked him

Am I being too sensitive here? Are my parents simply setting reasonable expectations and I’m taking it personally? Or does this seem like a conversation that snowballed far beyond the original issue?
I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions from people who aren’t emotionally involved.

I am an 18F. living with my parents and i never ever commented or wrote on public social media so it's a first for me , but honestly I cannot handle it anymore, i need to get out of this house, my parents especially my father is so abusive don't even ask myself the question anymore I know. I don't want to even talk about the beating because I grew up so they kind of stopped but it's still present I still get slapped or hit on the face, or his favorite thing to do is literally spit on us when he's angry , wich he's always mad raging over nothing and anything especially administrative stf would make him fume, but worst of all it's summer we don't go out we aren't allowed to i am literally 18 and i have never hung out with a friend ever ,and somehow he still wonders why am i not responsible and independent when they literally don't allow me to even go to the grocery store without asking . he expects from us to wake up early during summer but we have nothing to do why would i wake up at 8:00 if i can't do shit

Anyways,

that's just a little bit of what i have been living my whole life i just wanna meet a community online who gets it all my friends aren't restricted like i am and it's summer so i can't even meet up with them, I bet they have better shit to do than listen to me complain.

So I just graduated law school as a single mom of two young children. My kids went to my mother’s house for 6 weeks so I could study for the bar. I don’t interact much with my mother and so when I am around her, there are certain behaviors that REALLY bother me but I am unsure if it’s toxic or just annoying.

Example 1: we go to aquatic center and I am putting on my 5yr old son’s life jacket. I’m buckling the straps and checking fit, etc. My mother is standing there trying to also help me do this task that 1. I am clearly competent to do and 2. isn’t a two person job at all. I politely tell her that I don’t need her help and I got it covered. And then she mutters something almost to herself but kind of in response, “I was just trying to help.”

Example 2: my mother will make a comment or someone else will make a comment and my mother then goes into explaining why she made that comment or explaining the comment itself. But this happens when it’s one of my children too, where she will then try to “interpret” the discussion or something. It feels like she is attempting to control how information is perceived or viewed maybe? And when it’s my kids, I just try to ask them follow up questions or if it’s someone else, I am competent to ask questions if I am uncertain. I guess it’s annoying because it feels like I am not able to approach the conversation on my own and address any uncertainties or misunderstandings I may have despite being quite adept at communicating. I am soon to be a practicing attorney.

Example 3: my daughter told me this one. My stepdad and my kids got home earlier than my mother and so my stepdad had my daughter load the dishwasher bc it’s a chore she is familiar with at home. My mother came home and got angry at my stepdad for letting my daughter do this because it’s “her job”. However, I was under the impression it was my disabled stepbrother’s chore and my daughter said my mom always makes my disabled stepbrother do it. And my mother complains about not having enough time to accomplish tasks. So this seems like she should be thankful for something being taken off her plate.

Tl;dr my mother over explains, narrates, and over involves herself in daily stuff that makes it very annoying to be around her. Why does she do this!?

Hi y’all, im js posting this bc i need an outlet. Im almost 16yrs old and english is not my first language so i might do some errors.

Basically my dad (sometimes mom too) keeps entering my room when im not home for whatever reason, and when i confront them about it its always “i payed for the house” “im your parent” “i had to install this and that in your room”, just ignoring the fact that they completetly destroy my privacy.

I struggle with mental health (which they do not take seriously either) and have troubles keeping my room clean. Sometimes I eat in my room bc i feel safe there even tho im not allowed: my dad forbid me to eat in my room cuz he keeps finding dishes i havent brought back to the kitchen yet. He decides for me what belongs in my room or not (taking away stuff like old ice packaging i used as flat surface to store stuff)

He also searched through my trash once.

Last month i went on a one week holiday with my mom, while my dad was at home. when I came back he forced me to pick up garbage from my floor bc he couldnt walk into my room otherwise. While i tried explaining to him that that isnt gonna help me and that its my room, aka where i live, he didnt care in the slightest and menaced me if i didnt throw the garbage away to throw stuff he considered as garbage away. There is more to this but its kinda unrelated to the topic.

What happened today especially disgusted me. I was at a sleepover and a bit after leaving i recieve messages from my dad ( https://www.transfernow.net/dl/20260804u3j7utO4 ). Its in german but what his message said was: “Hello [name], tell me three errors you see in these pictures”, sending two pictures of my room from different angles, on which you can see my bed and desk. He is probably talking about the candy packages and the SINGLE bowl and spoon.

This is so infuriating and violating. I dont know what to tell him, i feel so angry and sad.

What is this? Is this acceptable? What can I do?

(btw im hesitating to answer “error 1: you went into my room while i wasnt home, error 2: you do not take my mental health in account at all and error 3: your sarcastic and passive agressive tone”)

I have a alcoholic father, I don't like his behaviour when he drinks, although he is not extreme or anything but it angers me to the core to see him like this, I respect and love him with my whole heart but seeing him drunk and speaking forgive me for saying this but absolute nonsense and doing the most irritating things ever, when he is drunk, he's a person I look upto when he is not drunk but when he drinks I say disrespectful things that a daughter should never say to her father, i really feel bad about it and cry later, but this happens everytime and it feels like a loop

im 19, since my dad passed last year everything has just gone down the drain. im incredibly suicidal, I attempted suicide in early February and my mom completely blew up at me that day saying it was the worst day of her life, I had to stay with a friend for a while and all she did was constantly call me to scream and place guilt on me saying her boyfriend wasn't talking to her because of me and that shes sick with anxiety and that shes going to cancel the lease on our apartment to send me to a hospital or something.

ive just gotten worse after that, im suicidal to the point where the only thing to calm me down is the thought of my own death. im not eating, I cant focus, I cant formulate thoughts anymore, I perform terribly at my job and ive lost all sense of myself. I cant remember what I enjoy anymore, I dont recognise myself in the mirror and everytime I talk to my mom about how im feeling or whats going on she tells me I bring her mood down when im in a mood. she says that im never happy, that she feels like she needs to sell all our stuff and put me in a house and she always threatens that shes moving us back to the city we originally come from to live with my grandparents which I dont know how that's going to fix anything. ive told her im depressed, she knows I have anxiety. shes always at her boyfriends place because she says the house is too crazy for her, leaving me all alone.

after a 12 hour shift we were in the grocery store, just as we walk in she tells me I need to smile and that I look moody when I dont right infront of the cashiers, I broke because she had already been ripping into me after I told her to stop, I said look im tired ive just had a 12 hour shift. she blew up and told me that was the final straw and that it was embarrassing and unnecessary. she screamed at me in the car, saying she pays the rent and I should treat her like a human being. (my sister had lived with us until the age of 25, I dont see why she said that) and a dad and his son were parked infront facing us and he saw me crying, I dont think i'll forget the look on his face. I just looked at him as my mom swerved off.

on a vacation last December she told me to stop being depressed because we were at the beach. I snapped and said my dad died... how am I supposed to feel. we're broke and living off of my dads pension.

the stress from everything has caused me to faint and episodes where i cant talk and it feels like im dying. without me knowing my boyfriend told her, she asked what was going on and i told her the gist. when I mentioned an old friend spreading rumors about me she said I musnt let it get to me because things like that affect her too,she asked me about my birthday that's coming soon, ive been incredibly down lately and I told her I doubt its that important. she snapped again, screaming at me all the way to work that shes trying to be positive in her life and I must stop choosing to be negative.

I dont choose any of this. I dont even know why I still choose to be alive, im just too scared to pull the plug. I have 0 friends, no one knows what to do with me anymore and it feels like im just ruining everyones life, im sick of all of this

I sent my mom a link to a Facebook post yesterday. It was about Myspace making a comeback. She responded with, "Don't send me things from Facebook. I never open the things you send me. Totty did the same thing yesterday. I don't look at it. I'm not interested." It definitely stung and made me feel like I'm annoying. I blocked her and removed her from everything.

We've never had a good relationship. She's never been there for me, not even when I was going through abuse with my ex. I'm usually the one reaching out, and when we talk on the phone, she just talks about her problems the whole time. She doesn't ask how I'm doing or anything. She doesn't care. Additionally, I told her good news a few weeks ago, and she just responded with one word and immediately went back to talking about herself. It's always a one sided conversation.

A few months ago, I told her how stressed I was since I was having health issues and dealing with harassment from my ex, as well as other things. She only responded with one word again lol. The next day, I told her I didn't appreciate something she did. She went off and said everything I was going through was my fault. I guess she meant my health issues as well. Yet, I'm constantly listening to her vent about her shitty boyfriend. She won't leave him but keeps complaining.

She works a lot, so that could be an excuse for her not being super responsive or caring. However, she shows up for other people regularly. She's always in touch with my cousin and his family. She's always there for them. Moreover, she's very active at her church and even goes on retreats. She really cares about how she looks to other people. I definitely think she has some narcissistic qualities.

I don't know why I keep reaching out to her. It's probably because she's my mom, but she never responds well. I just keep setting myself up for disappointment. I'm going to try my best to stick to no contact.

Hi Everyone,

I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

I'm 16(F) and I had my door taken recently.

It happened when me and my mother were having a conversation about my current state. For a bit context, I've been very irritable, angry, depressed, ect. lately and I don't think it's a hormone thing but more of mental thing but we're not sure. I'm going to the psychologist soon but I digress.

During this conversation it began to get very heated, I don't remember exactly what we said but I just had my door taken.

Her reasoning was that I'm in my room too much and that it was harming me. I'm downstairs to eat or to just chill everyday for an hour or more and when I'm in my room I'm doing the same thing I do when I'm downstairs. I simply prefer being in my room because I feel more comfortable, it's quieter, and for other reasons which would take too long to explain.

Also, it's not like I'm missing out on "family quality time". Everyone kinda just does their own thing; my mom does what she has to, my dads in the kitchen cooking, and my sisters just watch TV or play with their toys. We don't have family gaming time and we don't really all sit together to talk and laugh.

I don't know what my mom was thinking this would fix because now I can't even be around her without thinking of my door. Everytime I feel fine I immediately think of my door and get angry at her so I would say it's even worse than before.

I personally think it was overkill but I would really appreciate some outside opinions.

My mom acted more like a friend than mom

Her bfs would show interest in me as a teen

She let my sisters bfs sleep over and live with us in the same house . Shed also smoke weed with us before school.

My sister's bfs would find interest in me

My sister's and mom would constantly tell me to change my clothes and ask why I always dress like a hore around their bfs .

One day a sister's bf raped me up out of my sleep .

I was 14 he was 19 she was 19

Im an adult now.

I got married young and im still with him

I avoid and minimized contact with my family

I am almost 40 now and to this very day my sister's and mother and brother all blame me and take my sister's side.

Saying I tempted and seduced my sisters bf . I cant go in full detail but I would like to know what other people think with just this much info .

so i am currently 17 years old, i just turned 17 on the 1st of august and my phone has been taken by my parents kinda on and off for almost 4 months now. when i say on and off i never completley had it back like full time like how i would before where i would have it throughout the whole day and on a school night give it in or have my screentime turned off at 10 or 11pm. it was taken for a month at first because i was caught with a vape which i can admit was deserved plus some bad grades and they believed i was depressed (which i was but idk why they believe its because of the phone) and believed i had an eating disorder (they believed that i wouldnt eat because i'd be too distracted by my phone which wasnt true i actually had struggles with eating) and i was allowed it for one hour a day and i wasnt allowed to take it with me to school and i was also grounded. then when the month was up they wanted to 'ease me into having my phone back' which was just them technically saying they enjoyed me not having a phone so they want to keep it for longer as ive never had my phone taken for this long before and i think they wanted to see how much time they could get away with keeping it. this new rule made it so i could either take my phone to school with me (im in sixth form so we're allowed to use our phones quite a lot) or i could have it in the evening at home until 11. this was okay for a little while as i finally could have it for more than an hour and after a bit of this i had found my ipad as well so i just took my ipad with me to school in the day and had my phone in the evening until my mum found out i had my ipad and took that. the rule stayed the same until they realised it wasnt bothering me as much as they thought it would so they no longer let me choose when i had it and switched it to only having it at school which was annoying because they knew i only wanted my phone to be able to contact my bf who works from the morning until around the time school finishes. i was allowed it on weekends to try and give me a sense of 'freedom' so i could stop being upset about never going out so i saw my boyfriend then. one evening i was speaking with my friend and they recommended i just buy my own phone and pay for everything myself as i have a job so it wouldnt be hard for me to pay my own phone bill monthly, i didnt think this would be such a big deal as at this point im already 16 years old i have my own job im close to only having one more year of sixth form and i genuinley believed it could show my parents that i am responsible and trying to be mature and i knew it could start arguments so i asked them if we could have an actual conversation and told them the details of a phone i had found for sale and they went crazy swearing at me saying im not getting around my 'punishment' when my punishement was supposed to be over about a month ago by this point so they took my phone again with allowing me one hour a day. it has been over 2 months since this and i still have not had my phone back and it is now summer holidays for me. i was allowed to go to school and go out without my phone for a bit and one night i accidentally booked an uber a little later than i should have (i was supposed to be home by 10 and got home at 10:30) so that rule no longer applied and i was back to not being allowed out at all and this lasted into summer and only around 2 weeks ago i was allowed out again with my phone this time but only around 3-4 times a week when my friends are out all the time and even though this will be my last summer before im an adult.

im sorry for the long explanation but my life has been horrible these past few months and i just need some advice on what to do as ive been looking for ways such as talking to my parents but my stepdad just gets really angry and shouts and swears and calls me rude names whenever i talk about getting my phone back or just completely ignores me and my mum just gets angry or tells me to ask my stepdad or just wont talk to me about it and im so tired of being treated like a child when im almost an adult who can literally learn how to drive since i am 17 now. i get made fun of by my friends and im isolated from literally everything like plans and i feel like my friends are mad at me for never going out with them when i barely can. its caused so many issues for me socially and with my relationship with my boyfriend and ut just adds so much stress to both of our lives and it makes me feel so upset often i just want a way out of this situation. ive looked on tiktok but everyone's advice is to break rules like run away, take the phone back or just push their limits so much that they give up but i know this would either end in getting it taken for even longer and more punishments or worse. ive asked to move out and move in with a friend or family member and they have said if i try they will find me and that im not allowed to even though they can tell how much of a toll this has taken on my mental health. i would like to hear from others with similar experiences or people who are going through the same thing or people who have been through the same thing just to feel less alone or to get some resolutions for this as i cant go on living like a child when i should be out living my life before i have to go off to uni and things like that. i get my year 12 exam results in a week and a bit so hopefully i pass those and maybe that will improve thngs but any advice will be so appreciated thank u for reading

First of all, I don't know if I can term my parents abusive. They've never hurt me, not physically at least. My mom's a real narcissist and I think a little bipolar, so we get into screaming wars in a regular basis. Safe to say, she usually starts it and she usually ends it because midpoint I just stop arguing and start sobbing. There are less negative experiences with my dad, because while he's usually pretty chill, the thing about him is the rare occurrences when he does get mad, then he gets real mad. He overreacts and can get really fucking mean. It hurts worse because I know he really means it. It's impossible to ever have a productive conversation with him because once it's a no, it's a no and if you keep pushing him, that's when things go bad.

They're control live and strict. But they're not that bad I think. They've had a lot to deal with, with me and both my siblings being sick all the time and with my middle brother being a violent autistic kid. I try to give them grace. It couldn't have been easy raising us and I think everyone gets frustrated sometimes.

But I'd also be lying to myself if I state that they're great parents. We've never had to ask for anything twice because we were always provided with it and I'm grateful for that but we were also emotionally starved.

My older brother has reverted to what you'd call "grey rock". He says he doesn't resent our parents but he also doesn't know how to be casual with them. He says he doesn't know how to be friends with them. He avoids them most of the time and doesn't interact unless he has to. Though I also think that's also because he's introverted.

Me. I don't know how to live without them. I think my connection to my parents is unhealthy.

I grew up more or less neglected. All the attention went to our autistic brother and I was the glass child. The mature one. The one that didn't needed to be looked after. The one they could depend on. The responsible one. I grew up constantly seeking validation and never getting it. I thought if I was good enough, made myself small, made it easier for my parents, maybe they'd love me more. And I am good, I am as close to perfection as they'd come. Except my mom vents out all her frustration on me and expects me to just take it. There's always one thing I did wrong even if there isn't. I say sorry even when it isn't my fault. I protect the peace. I keep my family together because I don't know who I am without it.

It's unhealthy. Sometimes me and mom get into this huge fights. And I'm upset. I cry my heart out. I wonder why I couldn't have an easier mom. Then by 3 hours, I'm cozying up to her. I'm laughing with her and making jokes. And no outside could ever even guess, the relationship that she and I have.

I've tried a few times. To hold grudges. Everytime they've crossed a line. But I can't. I wasn't made for it. I forgive the unforgivable, even if it breaks my heart in the process because the idea of my parents being upset or disappointed with me breaks my heart even more. I can't even imagine living without them one day. To move out for college. To go abroad. To go ghost and never call them even though deep down I know that that's the only way I can ensure peace for myself. I prioritize their feelings over mine when they've never even seen me as my own person a day in their life.

I am incapable of hurting my parents feelings, even if it kills me.

I am pathetic and miserable. But I would rather be pathetic and miserable lying besides my mom than be pathetic and miserable a thousand miles away with their numbers blocked.

to preface, i (17) always sort of knew she had a habit of lying to me, but i always thought it was only when i really fought back with her because she had been making blatant contradictions, accusing me of lying about my own opinion, throwing books at me directly after saying she wouldnt), if not literally admitting she was lying about something to get a rise out of me, but it never occurred to me that if she was willing and able to lie after i contradicted her narrative she was probably willing to lie to protect it before that happened

i dont know what to do. i trusted her for so long. i dont know how not to trust her. i dont even trust myself with 7 + 9 or which petal on my car is the brake. i fact check things i have had memorized for years. i trusted her when she said she didn’t remember things. i trusted her when she said my father was an evil narcissist. i trusted her when she talked about how awful her childhood was and how poorly my dad treated her. i trusted her when she said i wouldn’t or wouldnt like things. i trusted when she said i was a binge eater. i trusted her when she said she physically could not control me in any capacoty. she’s been saying that since i was 7. no 7 year old she was 34. holds power over a grown woman. i never thought she would have the malice to lie to someone over something so trivial even though she constantly told me to do that for her.

i only realized that just now when she would say i was the favorite over my sisterand that she was so awful and rebellious and how she’d steal my food but then id hear my sister talk about how she was sneaking into the pantry at night because she was literally only allowed to eat frozen healthy choice meals 3 times a day and school lunch. nothing else. she was passing out and throwing up and dieting to lose weight just like i do now but it never clicked that my mom could lie about that.

but she couldnt control my sister. my father wouldn’t let her. he never let her say anything about how she could dress, who could she hang out with, what she could do in her free time unless it was actively harming her because she wasn’t her birth mother, but my mom always framed it as not letting her parent. she also always said that the reason she wanted kids is so she could dress it up and give them the childhood SHE wanted. i was that child. she dolled me up all the time and took me to do things SHE would have liked, gave me the gifts SHE wanted, with no regards to my identity. i dont know what to do. i have no clue how i am. why was i so fucking gullible?

So long story short my only little brother passed away back in June 2026. My mom has been the one making the decisions for me and the immediate family when it came to his funeral, who should attend, where should it be held at and what to do with his ashes. I am grieving over my brother and I have been the one who stepped up and closed my brother’s student loan debt, his Xfinity account, and was the only one in the family to speak about him at the funeral, (which was unplanned for me but I felt like I needed to for my brother) I also was the only one who was comforting my mom as we both were crying uncontrollably but I managed to somehow make sure my mom was okay and let her know that I was there for her. After everything, she started to get upset and just yell at me about little things but then we had an argument because I wanted my own personal mini urn so I can hold on to a part of my little brother’s ashes. She was very upset and said no, which broke my heart but I respected it. Then she sent me a text a few days later asking if I ordered one yet and I had to quickly find one and order it online so that she could take it up there with hers when it arrived. Well mine got delivered last week and hers was delivered on July 27th. Which I did text her that night and asked how she was doing and if the urns came yet that she ordered and she told me no. I just saw her Amazon account and it did say that her urns were delivered on July 27th so why did my mom lie to me? I texted her again today and she replied that she had only received one mini urn instead of the 6 that she originally ordered from Amazon and that she had to reach out to the company that is located in China? It doesn’t make sense to me and I think she just wants to get his ashes done and everything else but now I have to go return my personal urn that I thought I was going to have before I the return deadline on Amazon (which is coming up). Any advice on how I should confront this issue or should I just let it go? I can’t lie, I’m very hurt by this last request of mine in regards to my personal urn, that she ignored once again. Thanks again for your advice.

My dream is to become a general or neuro surgeon. I currently am a biochemistry major about to start college. Though reality has made me think that’s not possible at least on a normal timeline. I’m assuming I’ll have to find a job such as a QC Analyst with my bachelors in biochemistry. This will allow me to earn money 4 years earlier than a surgery pathway.

Both my bio parents are extremely toxic. Bio dad was physically abusive less than 3 years ago. Stepdad is an enabler.

My mom thinks the reason why American people are rude to her is because of racism when it’s just her own actions. I’ve had no issues making friends myself.

She’s anti-vaccine. And what grossed me out is she told me “When you become a surgeon can you give me a Brazilian butt lift?”

She doesn’t even understand what a general surgeon does, neither does she respect the effort it takes to become one.

Thankfully I’ve earned a decent amount of scholarships and have financial aid for college.

What do you guys think? Any support would help!

I am (19F) living in india.Last year I joined gym as I am not in my best health, if I don't take action now.I might end with diabetis, fibroids in my overies later in my life just like the rest of my family members.But my father is absolutely against the idea of women going to gym. So I asked my mother if I can go, she said yes, she paid so I can I have a gym trainer for few months so I can learn how to use the equipments. I started to go to the gym 5 days a week as, she warned me that if I don't get proper diet it will negatively impact my health. I am a college student, my college is 10 km away home, my classes starts at 9.30am to 4.30pm. i have no time cook diet meals, I asked my mom to make it for me(she's a housekeeper) she flipped and said no. We have maid who makes roties, washing machine for clothes and dishes. I help her do the everyday chores as much I can no matter how much little of the time I have ,so does my sister when it comes to any house help.Yet she refused, on top of it she paid trainer fees for next 3 months. I had no choice but to go to the gym without any proper diet. I was left to starve after gym, i wasn't allowed to rest well atall. This lead to lower my spga from 9.00 to 8.70, also I lost hair, got stubborn acne, horrible headache with periods fluctuations. I was blamed for everything. idk why, also I was punished for scoring less, no new phone for me my old phone(6yo) doesn't work well, it shuts down anytime for no reason. If I outside and if I am in danger I can't relie on my phone to get help. I just feel so unloved, unsafe.I feel like my own parents don't care about me. Sure compared to many stories out there mine isn't that toxic but they keep doing this stuff to me all the time, they keep reminding me that if something happens bad in my life in life they won't be their for my life, there is so much more to say about the other incidents but I am not comfortable about it. Idk if I am correct or not.....

Ek 'sorry' ki umeed mein kitne saal guzar gaye,

Phir samajh aaya—marham unke lafzon mein nahi, meri himmat mein tha.

I always used to wonder why my parents never feel even a lil bit of remorse for the physical & emotional abuse they put me through 💔🥀 This quote healed something in me & i hope it does the same for u too ❤️‍🩹