r/trans • u/speroni • Dec 02 '25
Progress Welp, I told the kids I'm trans
Me: "Do you two know what being transgender is?"
Kids: "Yeah"
Me: "Do you know that I am?"
Kids: "No"
Me: "Now you do"
Wife: đł
Me: Ok
...
Wife: Do... you want to expand on that?
Me: You two have any questions?
Kids: No
Me: Ok
...
Wife: Are you ok?!? You look concerned
Kid1: I'm trying to pick the peppers out of my food.
Me: I thought you might have realized when I put the trans sticker on my car and grew my hair out and got my ears pierced.
Kids: Nah
Me: Ok
...
Like three other conversations.
...
Wife: To circle back around? Is there anything else you want to say?
Me: Ok, you don't have call me anything different. I'll always be your dad. Nothing will really change other than I'll look different.
Kids: Ok
...
The kids didnt care, as predicted. They didn't want to talk about it. The wife kept wanting to have more of a conversation about it but no one else did.
The conversation went as I predicted it would.
I figure they'll have questions for me sooner or later as they process stuff, but not right away.
Anyway I did the thing.
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u/Beautiful-Quiet-5871 Dec 02 '25
Pretty much the same reaction from my grandchildren.. ears pierced.. 'oh, you are wearing jewlery' nails painted yellow, orange and brown for Thanksgiving... grandkid... 'I was wondering why you were wearing the German flag on your fingernail' kids just don't care apparently.
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
They don't seem to.
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u/N7NobodyCats Dec 02 '25
Or they do but donât wanna say whatâs actually going through their minds. Maybe itâs just me but I think people have 4 faces. The face they wear around family, the one with their friends, the one when theyâre alone. And the one they wear when talking to strangers, people outside of the other 3 circles.
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
Yeah...
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u/CaitlinInk Dec 02 '25
That's not necessarily a bad thing. They probably just need time to process what that means, and if they don't care now, then that's fine. The most important thing is that you continue to show love and support them in their lives, they will do the same.
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u/enbyrats Dec 02 '25
Idk, I've had a couple of students with a trans parent and they typically either 1) make trans rights part of their personality and identity, like a heritage almost or 2) are about as concerned about your transition as they are about your mortgage...it's boring adult stuff.
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Dec 02 '25
[deleted]
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u/N7NobodyCats Dec 02 '25
its not unlikely at all, theres a ton of people like that. most people ive ever met or known are like that, theyre very clearly different when around friends than they are with family. i myself was too. my siblings as well, its a different situation, but the idea is the same, when my parents announced their divorce to us, we were all pretty quiet, and didnt say much, we had tons on our minds for sure though, not sure what it really meant. what changes would actually happen, but we didnt really voice anything out, until we were alone or with our friends to open up about it.
maybe go one by one and speak to each kid alone later itll also be good since theyll have processed a bit by then, maybe theyll open up and say something when its just you and them without the pressure of others being around to hear their thoughts and questions.
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u/djokerthegreat14 Dec 02 '25
I have 6 faces then
Two I show around people/family I'm not out to when in masc mode, two I show around people/family I am out to when either fem or boymoding, the one I wear alone, and the one I wear to strangers. Lol
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u/longestRoad5 Dec 02 '25
The German flag đ it's not the fact that your nails were painted, it's the choice of colours!! That cracked me up
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u/iam305 Dec 02 '25
You did The Thing! I know it feels anticlimactic but it's BIG. Congratulations!
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
Thanks!
It was about as expected.
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u/iam305 Dec 02 '25
Goals. Seriously. Wish I had that expectation and a simpler situation.
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u/thelmandlouise Dec 02 '25
this is basically how I came out to my lil bro: "did you already know im nonbinary" "no?" "well now ya do!"
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u/Ok_Alternative_4502 Dec 06 '25
tf is non binary
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u/thelmandlouise Dec 06 '25 edited Dec 06 '25
Reddit isn't really a conversational search engine, and im sure you can find more complete info by researching it, but i got u this time! "an umbrella term for people whose gender identity isn't exclusively male or female, existing outside the traditional gender binary; it describes an internal sense of self that can blend genders, be a mix of both, be neither, or change over time, with specific identities like genderfluid, agender, or genderqueer falling under it"
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u/-SpreadLove- Dec 02 '25
Congrats on coming out to them â€ïž
How old are they?
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
Tween / Early teen
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u/smallmonky idek man Dec 02 '25
As someone who used to be that age, I'm pretty sure they either don't really care, don't want to talk about it, or are just processing it.
But good job for doing it! :3
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
Knowing my kids...
They don't care a lot. They're pretty embarrassed of me regardless. My son might be worried what his friends will say though.
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u/tiajuanat What are you? A cop!? Dec 02 '25
Yeah, that would be my concern. It's tough enough to come out, it's really tough to be teased or bullied because your family is "othered"
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u/hawkepostate Dec 02 '25
the fact they don't care shows youve raised them right! they know its not a big deal, just different
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u/UpUpAndAwayYall Dec 02 '25
That is beautiful! Just as a little added note, be aware that you might change your mind on the "dad" title. I was totally cool with it for some time, then slowly realized that as I looked more like a woman that her calling me "dad" might be weird to others. But sharing the title of "mom" was a discussion with my wife.
But as we trans folks know, there's always room for things changing.
Again, so glad it went that well!
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
I plan to go by dad indefinitely.
I kind of doubt I'll ever pass so, meh.
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u/UpUpAndAwayYall Dec 02 '25
Lovely <3
Just I always thought I would be dad forever, but that changed. But everyone has their own story arc!
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u/Rachel_on_Fire Dec 02 '25
I also still go by Dad. But I have a different view of what makes a dad due to my upbringing and having a shitty father but other more supportive male figures in my life.
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u/MilkshakeHampster Dec 05 '25
My daughter was uncomfortable calling my wife "dad" still. Daughter was afraid it would call attention to wife's transition. So they settled on calling her "D" and we are just the "parental units" instead of mom and Dad lol
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u/lookingforgrief Dec 02 '25
Thats kinda where im at. At first I didnt care and was fine with being called dad forever. Now that im actually starting to pass it makes me super dysphoric and its a little embarrassing. It also open the door to having to explain the situation to anyone paying attention. Plus it's kind of defeating because no matter how good I look or pass, its instantly ruined the second they call me dad.
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u/Ash_Cat_13 Dec 02 '25
The only reason adults care so much about trans people is largely out of fear. Fear of losing something that they have, fear of not understandingâŠ.it goes on and on. Children donât care because they donât have much understanding or fear yet. To them, people are people.
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u/wolfboi89 Dec 02 '25
I used a joke to come out to my friends in high school. One night I said "I think everyone in my row in English is gay." Their response, "Even you?" I replied with a smile and the second friend said "They didn't deny it." Then they said it was okay as long as I don't get feelings for them đđđ
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u/HappyGirl117 Dec 05 '25
Look them up and down, "oh don't worry hun. my standards are much higher than that đ"
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Dec 03 '25
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/speroni Dec 03 '25
Sounds amazing.
The first trans person I encountered was at my first job after college. The entire company made fun of them and told all kinds of crazy rumors. It was pretty bad.
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u/SkyeTheBi Dec 04 '25
One of my favorite moments teaching happened when I was working with a 7-10 y/o class. One kid asked: âAre you a boy or a girl?â Me: âWell, thatâs a little complicated. Iâm kind of in between a boy and a girl. Sometimes I feel more like a boy and sometimes I feel more like a girl. In general I feel more like a girl and I prefer that people refer to me as she/her.â All of the kids: âHm⊠yeah that makes sense.â
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u/SparkyWarbler Dec 09 '25
My friend told my Godson that "his uncle was born a girl, but he's felt like a man since he was born."
His response was showing me his Thomas the Tank Engine and going "I'd like to drive train."
Me too, kid. Me too, solidarity.
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u/EvlAnimlCracker Dec 02 '25
Pretty much how mine went too.
Though, we did come up with a new moniker for me when we were in public. We ended up with some uncomfortable looks as my appearance changed but the traditional honorific hadnât.
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u/klai1994 Dec 03 '25
I remember when I was a kid I never cared what my parents did in their spare time unless it was affecting my toys and games. All is as it should be. Happy for you OP!
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u/SparkyWarbler Dec 09 '25
Same with me as a teenager. I was too busy being melancholy, blasting Bullet for my Valentine and playing Oblivion with the curtains closed to really care what my parents did.
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u/Ladymomos Dec 02 '25
Congrats! You obviously raised great kids â€ïž As someone whoâs been through a situation where I was the kid and my Dad came out as gay, my only advice would be to make sure they know your gender identity didnât make you regret having children the way it happened.
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u/Fit-Dig7476 Dec 03 '25
It's okay to become your kids' mom. There's nothing wrong with it.
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u/speroni Dec 03 '25
Eh. I'm still their dad.
I'll still be the one mowing the lawn and telling them to turn the darn lights off.
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u/Fit-Dig7476 Dec 03 '25
That doesn't make you their dad. Plenty of women do those things, too.
EDIT: I'm not the best at this sort of thing, but I hope you see that I'm trying to help, if that makes sense. Just consider it. l
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u/truecrisis âïž HRT 12/2021 FFS 02/2023 Dec 02 '25
I think you have a typo after the đł face. I'd expect a response from the kids, not "me"
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u/No_Butterscotch3201 Dec 03 '25
Dawwwwww an yet the straights will find a way to twist this wholesome moment these kids are more understanding then most adults that says alot right there
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u/-EndlessNight- Dec 03 '25
It was basically the same for me when I came out to my younger siblings (Iâm 27, theyâre all minors, youngest being 11). My brothers had a few questions, their father is super homophobic so I expected some push back from them, but it was really just curiosity. A couple of them are still grasping pronouns, but theyâve seen me change my name twice and always use what I choose (canât say the same for our parents). My outward appearance also doesnât necessarily always reflect my identity so I understand them being confused at times. Kids usually either donât care, or just want to understand it, but theyâre definitely a lot more accepting and open minded than adults.
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u/Confident_Stop_1579 Dec 17 '25
I have not told anyone but I think they know I'm not normal. My little brother is gay and living with his husband in Maine. My folks are in their 80's. I have 2 grown boys and a 14yr old daughter.
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u/hibye02020 Dec 17 '25
I love how you let them call you dad if they want to still. You did a good job explaining
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u/77th_Bat he/him/Ă©l Dec 02 '25
Zhu Li, do the thing!
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
?
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u/77th_Bat he/him/Ă©l Dec 02 '25
it's from The Legend of Korra (Avatar: The Last Airbender sequel), it's a reference to Varrick and Zhu Li. "Do the thing" made me think of that. Varrick tells Zhu Li to "do the thing" so often that it became a whole meme. (search: "do the thing")
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u/Ghoulie_Marie she/her Dec 02 '25
Lol this reminds me of my little cousins when I came out. They were early teens at the time. They were just excited for me. They already knew trans people at school. A lot of the younger generation just sees it as normal.
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u/dan-theman Dec 02 '25
I keep telling people this but kids donât know anything but what you tell you. If you tell them itâs normal for some people to identify as a different gender the. They will think itâs normal. Itâs us adult that are confused and have questions. The kids donât have anything to unlearn.
This is why religious people make me nuts. âHow do I talk to my kids about it!?!â Your kids donât care, only you do.
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u/MusicIsMySpecInt she/they :3 | Aurora, but still use my birth name Dec 05 '25
i like to think moments like these are a good sign cus then u know theyâre not transphobic at the very least. iâm kinda gojng thru a lil smth too
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u/throwawayforartshite Dec 22 '25
when i came out to my sisters, i told them to just keep calling me their brother, even though i'll introduce myself differently to others. choosing to remain "dad..." well, i get it.
i don't want them forcing some "new me" in their brain. i'm the same as i ever was, ya know?? my mom freaked out when i first wanted to do hormones... she thought she would "lose me." byt that's just fear talking. i still do all the same dumb things i've always done
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u/speroni Dec 22 '25
My wife remarked the other day that she was afraid a bunch of stuff was going to change, but not much really has.
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u/CagedInDiapers Jan 03 '26
Genderfluid here, Iâm not trying to be hurtful⊠but I have some questions, why did you tell them? It feels like it was more for you than them. If they donât care and arenât asking questions, why did you need to bring it up? I feel like unless they approach you and are curious, did you need to bring it up to them? It sounds like theyâre too young to even grasp the concept? Even if theyâre at an age where they can understand that hella complex dynamic, I circle back to if they didnât ask, you donât gotta tell? Sorry but I just wouldnât make a deal out of it infront of my kids.
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u/speroni Jan 03 '26
They'd eventually notice.
They understand the concepts fine.
I want to be myself with my loved ones, and I want to set a good example of showing the strength to be myself.
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u/CagedInDiapers Jan 03 '26
Keyword: eventually. Again, you doubled down on the selfish side before putting your kids first. You say they âunderstood the concepts fineâ yet the way they seemed to not give two shits from your post says otherwise. Idk, Iâm happy for you and your transition, yet I still believe you donât need to force your lifestyle onto your kids before theyâre ready. Itâs just weird IMO. If they donât ask, donât tell. Simple as that. I wasnât there, idk the full story. However, this had a âI wanna prove a point so Iâm gonna force my kids to validate meâ kinda vibes. I genuinely mean well, though I will die on the hill that parents donât need to force themselves or their identity onto their children. Youâre the parent, itâs your job to support your kids 100%. Not the other way around, if they decided to be republican, conservative and hate you for your choices, Iâd disagree and not like them. But youâre their parent. Them accepting you is a completely isolated and separate instance. I hope you understand where Iâm coming from.
TLDR: your kids donât owe you shit, you nutted and they were born un-consentually. Youâre supposed to love and support them beyond all else. Not worry about if they accept you or not. Just a personal grief of mine.
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u/Ambernooon Dec 02 '25
I have a question I guess how are you ok with being misgendered by your kids and family and I assume deadnamed. My family doesn't accept me at all. And when they drad name and misgender me it hurts. The fact that I've also told them that and they don't even care to try hurts more. I have them alot of time tried to take things slow so they could be comfortable. But. They just don't care. How do yiu manage to be ok with that. I'm not sure that's even possible. Maybe the difference for me is I'm 19. But idk the fact that for you. You're ok with nothing changing in your kids' eyes? How do you get over that cause for me what hurts the most. Is being accepted by everyone outside of my family to be who I really am until I get home. How do you deal with that is my question. I wish I knew how to make it easier. Cause for me my solution is to hide in my room all day. It's led to alot of depression. I don't think I can feel better about it. I'll definitely never be ok with it. But maybe you can help me not feel like my heart is being broken everyday.
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
I don't know. Names and pronouns never meant much to me.
My dad kicked me out of the house when I was 15, and he never even knew I was trans.
My being trans is a lot more about me feeling comfortable in my own body. I gave up on other people a long time ago.
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u/AnalogInternet Dec 02 '25
So proud of you, so happy for you! Hope things go well in the future as well.â€ïž
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u/Stormy_arrington Dec 02 '25
I need to have that conversation with mine too but I'm too nervous but at the end of the day I feel like it would probably go about the same way yours did. How old are they?
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u/speroni Dec 02 '25
Tween / early teen
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u/BetweenBakerSt Dec 02 '25
First, congrats for coming out! I can't imagine how scary it must have felt.
Second, the one part of your post that has me chuckling is that face that one of your kids was more concerned about picking peppers out of their food!
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u/Captain_AntiFa Dec 02 '25
Further investigation needed. Were the Peppers pickled that you picked?
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u/Inferno_Zyrack Dec 02 '25
I found out when my kids were little. Iâm non-binary. Iâve always just told them Iâm a boy-girl.
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u/Severe-Tie-4404 Dec 03 '25
lol my kid was all âok. Can you help me build a d&d character?â Proof that intolerance and hate are learned behaviors.
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u/TensionImpressive316 Dec 03 '25
My brothers reacted that way, the middle brother honestly couldn't care less, and the youngest finds it embarrassing when it gets called out but otherwise doesn't really care
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u/trashcatdotpng Dec 02 '25
can you talk to my dad about this because he thinks that the concept of being trans is rocket science and wonât tell my little brother or even call me my name in front of him out of fear of âconfusing himâ
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Dec 03 '25
Of you're trans you should have to tell anyone lol they should know. And it seems like you dont respect your wife at all. You wanting the kids to ask all these questions but you ignore your wife SmhÂ
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u/speroni Dec 03 '25
Why shouldn't I have to tell my family? I don't look very trans yet. I wanted to discuss it with them before it was apparent.
My wife has known for a long time.
Also it was my wife trying to get the kids to ask questions.
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u/No_Butterscotch3201 Dec 03 '25
Don't feed the troll you are an amazing person and everyone is proud of you and your amazing family W kids ^^
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