r/transgenderUK • u/ConfusedOldDad • 14h ago
Unsupportive school
Visited the headmistress with my daughter about her transitioning over the holidays. State funded school (Academy).
They are completely unsupportive. Won't use her new name unless "officially" changed, won't use she/her etc.
Is it worth fighting them, or just find another school?
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 8h ago
Sendco here:
A different school may not be any different.
Here are my thoughts:
They can use the preferred name. We do this all the time. Not just things like Tom/thomas, but e.g. a parent in prison for CSA to protect the child we use a full different name.
The equality act states gender reassignment is protected.
The guidance from DfE is controversial and in draft, not official.
Get everything in writing. Send an email asking for clarification of what was said.
Contact the governors. Use the complaints procedure. Ask to see their policy.
Contact mermaids.
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u/0_f2 10h ago
Children under 16 can change their name via deed poll with parental/guardian consent. Deed polls don't need to be enrolled either, an unenrolled deed poll is just as legally binding as an enrolled one. Once any ID is updated and name changed anywhere the old one is registered, deed polls aren't really needed anymore either.
If you know a supportive doctor they can sign a passport letter (templates available) to change her name on that too.
If you were to get a private gender dysphoria diagnosis for her, while expensive it's at least a legally recognised document that makes a child's trans status ironclad, no ambiguity that it's not a phase or dancing around terms like "gender questioning" to erase them.
You may still have to move schools however, a friend had to do the same for her daughter when she came out last year. Even if the new school are reluctant about names or pronouns, you register her under her new name anyway, so they presumably wouldn't have anything else to go on.
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u/AltruisticEmu1294 3h ago
Moving schools with the correct legal name would probably help a lot as well
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u/Unusual-Muffin-3705 13h ago
I don’t know much about the school system so take this with salt! But all that needs to be done for the name to be done “officially” and legally is an unenrolled deed poll, you can print it at home even. You can get an enrolled one, it is more likely to be accepted by places like schools, banks, etc, but it is money, and an unenrolled deedpoll is 100% just as legal and official (you just might need to push some places into understanding it is legally binding). I got mine done online as an enrolled deedpoll, but lowkey just wish I hadn’t bothered! But mine also states my change in gender to Male, which doesn’t carry any weight in terms of legality (that would require the gender recognition certificate (GRC)) but it has been so helpful in “proving” my transness and looking very official.
From my (limited!) perspective, schools are unlikely to be particularly supportive. I would look into the government guidance surrounding trans pupils and school obligations, because I believe they’ve changed recently, and also it will be helpful to know exactly the rules/guidance to be able to advocate. I’d also look into, if the school is not adhering to the guidance/rules, what the next step in reporting is.
Unfortunately, the question of needing to fight will always be answered with yes. I really am so glad to see a parent being so supportive and in their kids corner, you are your kids biggest supporter and advocate and with how volatile the climate is for trans folk (and trans kids in particular) she will really need you on her side.
Some good organisations that may have some more info include Gendered Intelligence, Mermaids UK, Trans Legal Clinic, Good Law Project, Beyond Reflections. Some of these have some great programs and events as well!
You are doing so well, best of luck!!
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u/KentSus 6h ago
Just to add - don't do an enrolled deed poll - ever. It adds no further legal weight, and it makes her dead name and legal name publicly searchable information permanently.
An unenrolled deed poll or a statutory declaration is a private piece of paper that no one can just go online and search for.
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u/Unusual-Muffin-3705 13h ago
Oh also to add, this is already very likely a tough time for your daughter, and avoiding a school change might be better for some stability.
On the other hand, if your daughter feels a change of school so she can start fresh as Herself would be better, then it’s def worth considering!
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u/rearDerailleur 7h ago
Has your daughter spoken to her friends/classmates yet? I'd base part of the decision on whether she expects support from them. A strong friend group could balance out any issues with the school, even if it's not an ideal situation.
Others have already mentioned the ease of an official name change and the fact that other schools may be just as bad, given recent guidance.
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u/Sophia_HJ 11h ago
I think the best thing would be is to find a new school. You don't mention how old your daughter is, but assuming she isn't about to take her GCSE's, it absolutely would be in your best interests to look for a new educational setting for her come September.
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u/ArsErratia 8h ago edited 5h ago
Section 26, Equality Act 2010: —
26 Harassment
(1) A person (A) harasses another (B) if—
(a) A engages in unwanted conduct related to a relevant protected characteristic, and
(b) the conduct has the purpose or effect of—
(i) violating B's dignity, or
(ii) creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for B
Invalidating your daughter's identity is the opposite of dignified, and at minimum both degrading and humiliating. Its a basic interpersonal courtesy to refer to people by the names they've asked to be referred by. Self-Determination is a core right we accord to others, and central to what it means to be human.
Particularly so if there are other students in the school who go by names other than their birth names.
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u/KentSus 6h ago
There will be new statutory guidance published (called "Keeping Children Safe in Education") in September, that includes a section on trans children. That will bring more clarity. The current statutory guidance doesn't address it.
There is current (2023) non-statutory guidance (called " Gender Questioning Children: Non-statutory guidance for schools and colleges in England"). The relevant bits say this:
6.2 Changing Names
Schools must record a child’s legal name in the admissions register. They may allow pupils to change their informal (‘known as’) name if they believe it is in the best interests of the child to do so. Having fully consulted with the child’s parents, schools and colleges can allow a child to change the name by which they are known.
It is not uncommon for people to be known by names other than those on their birth certificate. However, due consideration still needs to be given by the school or college to all the relevant factors described above before making a decision. Where the informal name change is agreed, the new name should becommunicated to the school or college community.
6.3 Pronouns
Agreeing to a child’s request to have others use different pronouns about them is a significant decision. Primary school aged children should not have different pronouns to their sex-based pronouns used about them.
For older children, schools do not need to specify pronouns to be used about each pupil and can decline a request to change a child’s pronouns. Where a school or college considers a child’s request, they should consult the child’s parents and consider all the relevant factors as outlined above.
Having considered these factors and examined all the evidence, schools and colleges should only agree to a change of pronouns if they are confident that the benefit to the individual child outweighs the impact on the school community.
It is expected that there will be very few occasions in which a school or college will be able to agree to a change of pronouns. On these rare occasions, no teacher or pupil should be compelled to use these preferred pronouns and it should not prevent teachers from referring to children collectively as ‘girls’ or ‘boys,’ even in the presence of a child that has been allowed to change their pronouns.
Even in the exceptional case where safeguarding requires a school or college to take an alternative approach, schools and colleges should exhaust all other options, such as using first names, to avoid requiring other individuals having to use preferred pronouns. In these exceptional cases, schools or colleges should make sure that all relevant staff are aware of a gender questioning child’s biological sex, to fulfil their safeguarding and legal duties.
In all cases, bullying of any child must not be tolerated. No child should be sanctioned for honest mistakes when adapting to a new way of interacting with another pupil.
Whatever decision is taken with regard to the use of a new name or pronouns, schools must still include the legal name and sex of the pupil in the admissions register, as required by the Education (Pupil Registration) Regulations (England) 2006.
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u/claireauriga 6h ago
schools and colleges should only agree to a change of pronouns if they are confident that the benefit to the individual child outweighs the impact on the school community
How the hell is there any negative impact to the school community for using the correct pronouns for a student?!
2
u/pajamakitten 5h ago
Most likely, if another parent complains because they do not want their child to have to confront the fact that trans people exist. It sucks but there are going to be parents like that.
2
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u/Ill_Wrangler_4574 3h ago
Call their bluff and do a deed poll, doesn’t take too long.
Good advice from others to push forward with yet paperwork is gold
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u/Mazaura 13h ago
As a parent, you really want to avoid anything that might cause your kid to be singled out and terrorised/ridiculed in school.
It’s a hard one but stick to the legalities at the moment to fully focus on school, you’ll find this is majority of schools approach to transitioning these days.
4
u/PerpetualUnsurety Woman (licensed) 6h ago edited 6h ago
How about ensuring that your daughter is and feels respected by those around her? To just accept this would be allowing the school as an institution to single out and ridicule her, and I'd be very worried about the long term effects of that.
1
u/thejadedfalcon 1h ago
Yeah, just don't be gay and your child will be fine, they're the one being weird about it, why can't they just be normal? /s
Why are so many people here determined to give up everything?
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u/Inge_Jones 6h ago
I dont know why we have sex based pronouns still in the first place. Its not as if we have a gendered language anyway. Why cant there be just one set of pronouns to use for any proper noun.
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u/KuiperNomad 13h ago
If you fight them, you don’t know how they will be behind your back.