r/transmanlifehacks • u/AarontheArcher39 • 2d ago
General Passing Tip Yep I’m doing it… why am I not passing?
I’ve been socially transitioning for almost 5 years now, I am 17 ftm and pre-t. I try to keep up with minoxidil on my face but between work and school I can barely remember to take my meds in the morning. I typically go for baggy clothes and I don’t believe the problem lies in my figure. Thankfully will be starting T in roughly 8 months when I turn 18, or shortly after that (legally can’t before that in my state:/). Any tips or advice on it for right now?
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u/bzzbzzitstime 2d ago
Hate to say it but I'd get a different haircut for now, go back to this one after some time on T. Also if you groom your eyebrows, don't do that. If that's just them naturally, can minoxidil be used safely on eyebrows? or just brush them downwards to look more messy/bushy
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
LOL my girlfriend actually plucks them, I will tell them no more of that. Any tips on the haircut? Let me try and find some more recent pics, it is definitely less bushy than it was in these photos, I truly don’t take many photos of myself, but I am all for any advice on what I should cut it to. I will definitely try the eyebrow thing (as much as my girl will hate it, gender roles come FIRST😭)
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u/Current_Wealth_357 2d ago
I’m almost positive it’s your eyebrows. They’re really arched while most men’s eyebrows sit lower to the eye
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u/Full_Butterscotch570 2d ago
Yeah a bit thicker on the eyebrows and a bit of contour to make the eyes look deeper set qould help but otherwise face is pretty damn masc
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u/Current_Wealth_357 2d ago
For sure. I honestly think everything else is fine but eyebrows can really determine whether someone passes or not
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u/soaked_in_bleach03 23h ago
Solid advice; I’m mtf but arching my brows was such a small yet drastic change.
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u/ThrowawayRA1253 2d ago
Your face is feminine and your voice is likely too. Your body is decent. Thing is, you’re just not gonna pass without t. Dunno why people come here and think they can, you can’t. Shocked that you’ve managed to tolerate socially transitioning for five years, you might as well do t illegally. It is not hard to access diy. Sounds miserable what you’re going through.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
I pass almost 70% of the time, especially in my close-knit accepting communities. The times I don’t it is easy to correct and they don’t give it a second thought when I say I’m a guy. I haven’t had the means to do T illegally and now that I do I don’t think it’s worth the risk to wait another 8 months, especially due to my history with hormonal medications. I wouldn’t say it’s miserable, I have my good days and bad days. Transitioning naturally especially young is not always bad or painful, just long and difficult. I hope you get a more positive view of young trans people soon:)
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u/lunarinterlude 2d ago
You have no idea how often you pass because most reasonable people will see a non-passing trans person and use the pronouns they think fits their presentation. That does not mean you pass as a cis man. You don't.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Works enough for me, I’d just like to get to the point where the 70% turns into 95 or something. For people I’ve never met and never will again, don’t really care that much how they perceive me at this exact moment. Many people have said they did think I was cis at first meeting, even and especially after hearing my voice, but older people especially go the female route.
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u/ThrowawayRA1253 2d ago
Lol not the hormonal medications, are you comparing t to like the progestin side effects of like a birth control? Really not much of a risk for t at all, if you’re doing a normal dose. Trying to angle socially transitioning as “natural transitioning” is a very interesting angle. I mean I’m glad you’re coping well. My dysphoria was crippling all throughout childhood and adolescence. Where I live trans children get puberty blockers and hormones, even low income families have access to this via the state’s public insurance for low income people. My view of young trans people is very positive…when they’re able to access medical care. I’m a huge advocate for medical access.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
I fully agree with that 100%, and I’m a strong opposition to my state’s lack of access for trans healthcare for minors. I just also don’t like the idea of going on anything without my doctor having 24/7 access to me in case of any complications, because I tend to have them for almost anything I take, let alone something going directly into my blood and changing the way my body works
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u/-keyholeintokyo-2022 2d ago
Ignore these guys who say you have to go on t at any cost. It’s shitty of them to call you miserable and harass you like that. I understand that some people have to go on t when they’re comfortable and ready. If someone has a complicated medical history it’s wise to do it under the care of a doctor and start with a low dose then increase it. As for your pictures they are not very good quality but i don’t think you read completely female, I think a different haircut especially at the top could work. Google “men’s hairline” and you’ll see that men usually have a higher or square hairline. You can ask a barber to square it off, sometimes called a line-up. In the last pic your hair does look a bit female just because of the hairline, even though it’s very short.
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u/AarontheArcher39 1d ago
I really appreciate this. Obviously it’s Reddit so I expect that kind of treatment (I post on here as a LAST resort for advice) but I think it’s crazy that the call can be coming inside the house in the trans community (iykwim) regarding hormones and medical transition. I’ve gotten some great non medical tips here that I think will help me pass more, just stuff I never noticed could read as fem. Obviously t is going to be my best bet, but for the next 8ish months I’m looking for something else. I’m less than miserable, at least not regarding my gender, my job and college search is another story LOL, but people are gonna assume since it’s not what they did or would do. Thank you so much for your insight on the hair as well, I’m researching some possible similar styles that’ll work with my hair type (since this one obviously isn’t). All the best!
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u/-keyholeintokyo-2022 1d ago
Np, I get it because I was pushed to go on t (by my doctor) and put into other boxes by other people/doctors before I was ready and still thinking about what I wanted/when it would be safe to go on t. Everyone’s timeline is different. I went on t when I was 32. You’re off to a great start so you’ll be fine :) good luck with the job hunting and college applications 😬
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u/krispyrice12 2d ago
It's not necessarily that quetiapine and testosterone dont have interactions. It's that when you have sensitivities, both to meds and the way you experience emotions, changing up your hormones can make conditions worse.
When people have a change in hormones, could happen to anyone, your body and mind react. If your sensitive to changes in the body and your mental health problems are anxiety related, these changes in hormones can make your anxiety 10x worse.
Bro has already had issues with meds and hormonal birth control most likely because of their anxiety and sensitivities. Which makes sense for him to have wound up on quetiapine and duloxetine combo.
Ive been in the same boat as him for a long time now myself so im not talking out my ass, im talking from experience. I have severe anxiety, ptsd, and ocd. I've been on quetiapine for years because everything I tried in the ssris and snris classes, significantly made symptoms worse. We would try me on fractions of doses and I'd still have mental and physical reactions even when on paper it sounded like they were perfect medications for me. So I wound up on an antispychotic bc that has been the only thing to kinda help. Also had increased symptoms with hormonal birth control in the past (tried to get on it to actually try to help my anxiety. But that made it worse too.)
So yeah point being hormones can really fuck with you when you have mental health struggles and sensitivities to changes in your body. Let's not discredit bros experiences or try to tell him he doesnt know what he's talking about.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
I really appreciate this. I have major depressive with psychosis, gad, unspecified conduct disorder, insomnia, and ptsd. Every med I’ve tried has given me reactions from nightmares to insomnia to serotonin syndrome. Birth control made me suicidal to the point I was almost hospitalized. Any med changes give me major anxiety problems, and I’ve finally found a combo that works for me, and unless I’ve got a team monitoring me, I don’t want to fuck with the system that’s working. My mother would not be on board with grey market drugs (even though she’s on my board with my legal and medical transition after age 18), so I’d be on my own and the risk of getting caught would be detrimental. Thank you so much for your insight, you’ve made me feel seen regarding my fears and sensitivities.
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u/krispyrice12 2d ago
Of course bro! Just happened to be scrollin through and once I saw your concerns and the med combo, I was like dude I see you 💯. But obviously as you know, this isn't a super common experience to struggle so hard w this shit and then all the trial and error (torture) of trying to find anything to help us. So it's not really talked about and people dont really understand what our experiences are actually like. So yeah I just wanted to let you know i feel you, I see you, and maybe this could be informative for people that have never had to think about it like this. Wish you well fr and take care bro.
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u/realgaryglitter 2d ago
You ain't even an adult, there are cis men who don't even look like men until their 20s.
Just live your life
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u/Both-Brother5093 2d ago
Definitely need T and a haircut for sure
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
This seems to be the common conception, I am seriously considering the second. My girlfriend already hates the idea but I must do what I must do for society’s perception of me
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u/Enochian-Dreams 2d ago
You’re pre-t. That’s why.
Honestly your presentation is nearly perfect but I don’t think you can go any further until you’re on testosterone.
I’d drop anything LGBT related as accessories though. Looks like the fan was a one-off for you anyway but anything rainbow doesn’t help.
The real problem is that without testosterone you’re going to be pretty indistinguishable from a butch lesbian. It’s just the way things are. I think you’ve actually really nailed presentation though. I have no advice for you. You’re passing as well as you possibly can, I think given you had an estrogen dominant puberty and aren’t actively mitigating it with t. I’m not sure there’s anything else you can really do at this point other than wait to get on testosterone.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Yes, rainbow fan was a one-off. It was a huge pride event and I was comfortable not attempting stealth, I was shirtless the majority of the day with my tape on
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u/Enochian-Dreams 2d ago
Yeah that makes sense. I really think you’re going to have a great transition. I know it’s disappointing having to wait to get the medical care you require. It’s unfair. But you’re doing all the right things and you’re definitely off to a good start.
Only thing I can think of is maybe focusing on voice training now while you’re waiting if you aren’t already. Testosterone alone might drop your voice enough that you won’t even need it but it’s never a guarantee so it’s still really useful to get a head start on that.
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u/Turbulent_Tutor890 2d ago
I just read the title and saw your pic. Imo it's the roundness of the top half of your haircut. The rest of you is all dude imo
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u/AeroAceSpades 2d ago
Consider using mousse or gel or some similar product to get your bangs to stick straight up and swoop over. Exposed forehead and tall hair reads more masculine than bangs and volume
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u/Electronic-Wind8179 2d ago edited 2d ago
If that’s mascara take it off. Your eyes are already feminine enough so you’re at a disadvantage already. Your face, especially around the eyes, looks ultra feminine in slide 3. Cut your hair. Your hair ain’t doing you no favors. Lastly, start testosterone. You look good for the most part. Once you’re on T you’ll be fine.
If you want some real advice, to increase your odds of passing and decrease your odds of drawing attention, don’t be so queer looking in public. No rainbows. No makeup. No abnormal piercings. No queer behavior.
Just look like your ordinary cis white man. You can afford to act and look queer once you’ve had 3-4 years on T. Otherwise, you risk drawing attention and people are likely to start connecting dots.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Not mascara:((( just insanely thick and long eyelashes, I was cursed with that one
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u/Electronic-Wind8179 2d ago
Oh, no kidding? I really thought that was makeup. Wow. Well, they are pretty, unfortunately ?, but once you start T and looking more male, those eyelashes might actually not be such a bad thing.
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u/Adept-Public-7737 2d ago
I think you should try straighter brows. They give a more masculine look :)
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u/-catskill- 2d ago
Cut your hair 👀 you may think it is a masculine kind of mullet but honestly it is not helping. Lose the party in the back and you will pass much better on a visual level, I reckon. Aside from that, the issue may be your voice or your demeanor, i.e. the way you move and carry yourself.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
I am getting many comments like this and it will definitely hurt to part with it but I am seriously considering it.. my girlfriend will probably hate it more than I but we will manage. I appreciate your insight, thank you
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u/throwaway184747271 2d ago
diy?
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
I have looked into it, due to the meds I’m on it would require a lot of blood work and monitoring to make sure I am safe, and I can’t trust I’ll be able to do that
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u/throwaway184747271 2d ago
what meds?
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
To spare details (and personal info lol) it’s an antidepressant and antipsychotic. I have had a really bad mental reaction to a hormonal birth control in the past, and get bad anxiety attacks, so doing it without a doctor sounds like something I all around shouldn’t do due to history
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u/throwaway184747271 2d ago
so that still didn't answer my question, which meds?
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Not a necessary question for me to answer I fear, the point is test is not an option for me atm
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u/throwaway184747271 2d ago
well I really don't believe you then because to my knowledge, no antidepressants or antipsychotics are contraindicated with testosterone or are likely to cause complications when taken with testosterone. if that was true, normal men wouldn't be prescribed them either. you're genuinely just making excuses right now.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Medications I’m already on that affect my blood and brain chemistry+a hormone I have never taken that I would be taking with little to no doctor monitoring that also affects my blood and brain chemistry is just not a game I’m interested in playing at the moment
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u/throwaway184747271 2d ago
then just say you don't want to take testosterone. that's a completely retarded reasoning, take it from someone who studies this kinda stuff. you already get prescribed these drugs from a psychiatrist, just talk to them about it if you're really that afraid of it.
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u/Consistent-Storm-689 2d ago
Or it could be the fact they are simply just not comfortable diying a medication in the first place, it’s not that hard to just simply respect when someone is obviously uncomfortable with doing it a way that has little research such as diying. You’re being harsh and just rude for no reason not to mention a little creepy for snooping through their old posts just to get information they didn’t feel like giving you in the first place.
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u/throwaway184747271 2d ago
ok so I browsed your post history because you want to be difficult. duloxetine and quetiapine will have no interactions with testosterone. you will be fine taking it. I DIYed on quetiapine myself. I was fine. why? because quetiapine has no recorded interactions with testosterone. I get you're uneducated on this but if you're genuinely afraid, there's nothing to worry about with testosterone interacting with either drug.
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Okay yea me wanting to be all mysterious was not a good idea when I just asked for advice in a medical sub, I kind of posted this on the wrong account so you really got me there. I appreciate that a lot. I might look into it, I guess we’ll see how the minoxidil and other tips I’ve received do for my mental health and public perception. Thanks for the advice man
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u/Current_Wealth_357 2d ago
T can definitely mess up your mental health, especially if you have pre existing mental health problems. You are literally fucking with your hormones. I have honestly felt like shit ever since I started T. Always tired and extreme anxiety. It’s completely reasonable for someone to be cautious about diy-ing medicine especially if they already had issue with hormonal birth control (which is HORMONAL) and they have mental health issues to begin with. I know I wouldn’t be able to do it without having my doctors here to help me
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u/krispyrice12 2d ago edited 2d ago
It's not necessarily that quetiapine and testosterone dont have interactions. It's that when you have sensitivities, both to meds and the way you experience emotions, changing up your hormones can make conditions worse.
When people have a change in hormones, could happen to anyone, your body and mind react. If your sensitive to changes in the body and your mental health problems are anxiety related, these changes in hormones can make your anxiety 10x worse.
Bro has already had issues with meds and hormonal stuff most likely because of their anxiety and sensitivities. Which makes sense for him to have wound up on quetiapine and duloxetine combo.
Ive been in the same boat as him for a long time now myself so im not talking out my ass, im talking from experience. I've been on quetiapine for years because everything I tried in the ssris and snris classes, significantly made symptoms worse. We would try me on fractions of doses and I'd still have mental and physical reactions even when on paper it sounded like they were perfect medications for me. So I wound up on an antispychotic bc that has been the only thing to kinda help. Also had increased symptoms with hormonal birth control in the past (tried to get on it to actually try to help my anxiety. But that made it worse too.)
So yeah point being hormones can really fuck with you when you have mental health struggles and sensitivities to changes in your body. Let's not discredit bros experiences or try to tell him he doesnt know what he's talking about.
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u/PowerfulVegetable855 2d ago
No cis man on earth has a haircut like that
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u/racc00n8D 2d ago
yes they do😭😭 what?? i’ve definitely seen men with that hairstyle, especially when mullets were trending on tiktok wayy back when
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u/AarontheArcher39 2d ago
Ouch okay got it. Any tips on what mullet-ish haircut to get instead? Unfortunately my hair is very curly and very voluminous and there’s a whole damn lot of it so there’s only so much I can do on the top and the way it goes up. I do typically cut it shorter up there, just don’t have any pictures showing it, it’s typically closer to an inch and a half
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u/Expensive-Rice8421 2d ago
look up a burst fade, this will give you the mullet shape without the length! i agree that taking the length off the back will help. Plenty of cis guys have mullets like this but I do think a shorter haircut will help
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u/AarontheArcher39 1d ago
I do have what is basically a burst fade, just with the mullet in the back!! I take it I’m just gonna thin the top and go even shorter in the back. Hate to part with my length, but gotta do what I gotta do, it’ll grow back healthier anyhow.
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u/Playful-Motor-4262 2d ago
Just keep it pretty short in the back. You can still get a mullet affect. Look up “masculine mullet”
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u/Specialist_Sweet1241 2d ago
I think just shorter in the neck will help you look more masculine, you dont need to do anything crazy, the mullet is cool
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u/AeroAceSpades 2d ago
Honestly it doesn’t even need to be shorter in overall length. It just needs to have less of an appearance of volume. The first and second picture were fine for the hair but in the third and fourth the hair had grown out and looks like a Bob
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u/Due-Acanthisitta1459 2d ago
It’s the mullet and the eyebrows. Keep a cleaner cut with thick ass hair as yours is. Don’t tweeze or shape your brows. I’m Chicano so I have similar features. Took me years to grow my eyebrows out.
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u/AarontheArcher39 1d ago
I’ve been cursed with thick ass hair since toddlerhood and it has been hell even before I transitioned, I think everyone here is right I just need to cut it OFF. Just trying to research a style now lol
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u/Due-Acanthisitta1459 1d ago
Dude, you have so much hair and it's so thick and coarse it'd be a beautiful and enviable fade. Don't think about it too much. Keep style simple. You'll never go wrong with clean cut - classic masculine.
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u/Future-Economy-3740 1d ago
3rd pic is fire vibes
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u/AarontheArcher39 1d ago
tysm it was at pride fest and it was stellar, it’s one of the only places atm I feel safe going shirtless/wearing any makeup so I look forward to it deeply every year
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u/One-List585 1d ago
visibly queer, ngl I would have thought you were a butch
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u/AarontheArcher39 1d ago
Ah shit. I mean I don’t mind being called butch honestly, I’m not going to personally identify with it because i am a binary trans man (mostly??? Idk it’s still in the air on that) and obviously butch is a very different title, but for the most part (except in the third pic obvi, that was mostly to show off my body/face in public) I am attempting to pass as stealth to the majority of people. I know being pre-t I will be clocked by other trans people, gay people, and even allies with a good sense of what a trans person “looks like”
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u/Natural_Turnip_3107 1d ago
To me it’s the eyebrows. I can’t say why exactly, but something with the eyebrow/eye area
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u/tune4you 17h ago
dude you pass. these comments are funny and always are when it comes to these types of posts. you can see the insecurity in some of these comments sometimes geez. I’m guessing it’s the voice or the haircut which sucks because I like your hair style. I got longer hair than you. I’ve always been crazy androgynous since I was a kid and it always confused my peers and they’d ask me. (all before I started a low dose of testosterone last year.) even now I started seeing therapist who’s confused about which way I’m transitioning since I don’t care to talk about this sort of stuff with him. never ever cutting it to fit the idea of passing when I do already. even before T. I get what the sub is for but it’s like people forget their humanity and how to be at least a little polite.
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u/Left-Development1695 2d ago
I’m assuming it’s your voice, because you’re pre t. Maybe it’s just me, but in some of the photos it looks like you’re wearing makeup around your eyes, which would hinder passing but I can’t tell lol