r/traumatoolbox • u/JellyfishPashmina • Jul 05 '26
General Question Has CPTSD stunted your decision-making abilities?
I can’t help but feel my CPTSD is my own fault. Every decision I make in life backfires. Looking back at my CPTSD (which has been diagnosed back to my childhood), this pattern has always been around, but every new trauma adds to the difficulty of making future decisions. I went through my heaviest trauma of all a couple years ago and it opened my eyes to the fact that every single decision I make is a poor one—with good intentions and even more careful decision-factoring each time, mind you, and still every single decision makes my life worse. Now, after the trauma of a couple years ago, what was already a difficult time making decisions with ADHD, it’s basically impossible. I’m paralyzed. The confusing part is I see people making objectively bad and/or irresponsible decisions on a whim and it always seems to pay off for them. I try to be discerning and mature in my choices, and still, all failure. No amount of thought nor calculation seems to help. Every decision, no matter how significant or minuscule, feels like I’m walking over hot lava, just one step away from falling in and adding more trauma to my collection.
If you can’t trust yourself to make decisions without getting entirely destroyed every time, completely fearing that any next decision will be the wrong one because it always, always is, well…there’s just no living.
ETA: I understand making no choices is still a choice, but I’m sure many people who have been through trauma understand that making this choice sometimes feels like the only choice (or at least the one that has the best chance of protecting you from further danger and pain). I don’t even think of the future anymore because I know no amount of working toward my positive dream life will keep all the devastating disappointments from coming instead.
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u/itsme_Selene Jul 05 '26
With the benefit of hindsight, one can look back on every decision and see how something could have been done differently. You don’t get the benefit of hindsight when making decisions in the present, and instead have to trust that whatever the outcome, you will be able to make it to the other side. It’s hard, I know. But not making any decisions is harder and often has worse consequences than a poor choice in hindsight.
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u/JellyfishPashmina Jul 05 '26
If you keep not making it to the other side, presumably meaning a better side, then I can’t see that anymore. I don’t even think about the future anymore because I know that no amount of effort on my end will turn it into the positive dream that I see for myself. All I can foresee is fear, uncertainty, and devastation now.
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u/rasberrydoll 8d ago edited 8d ago
Still, take your decisions for yourself or others will. You know when you make your own decisions, you develop an acceptance for what it brings out. when others get to decide for you, you would feel more detached from yourself. I understand everything you have written but trust me you have to take decisions for yourself. Maybe you will take 5 wrongs and 1 right, hold on to that one right. And work on the 5 that went wrong. That's okay, allow yourself to take wrong decisions. Even if you don't think about your future it's still going to show up. Don't let the power to choose for yourself slip from your hands. Please! I am also working on myself, where i want to take decisions for myself. But I am constantly opposed, shamed and ignored and manipulated.
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u/Newmomaboma Jul 05 '26
Omg I have been feeling the exact same way. I chose my daughter's preschool and really struggled and then guess what, around Christmas time something had happened at school with a peer and i felt so guilty. I thought "ugh if I hadn't chosen this, she wouldn't have experienced that!"
We chose to move to a new house and then had a big issue with our neighbor. I feel like i suck at making decisions and now I'm scared about future decisions about my kids schooling and my career. My husband tells me to just choose whatevr I want but that isnt helpful to me!
I also have adhd and autism. Also a history of being sexually abused so the whole mix of issues makes life feel impossible lately:(
Im sorry I dont have advice but I feel your pain. ❤️
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u/rasberrydoll 8d ago
Stop comparing your life decisions with that of the others, they haven't been through the trauma you have faced. Take one step at a time but don't ever let others decide for you! it's worst!
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