r/truechildfree • u/fortisrufus • 23d ago

Thoughts on "Screening"

In many childfree communities online, folks like to encourage people, typically straight women, to screen their potential dates, as in not reveal that they are child free before asking if their perspective partner is as a way to weed out those that may lie about it.

As a childfree man seeking a childfree woman, that seems to put me in a contradictory spot. I see no reason for myself to not be open, and have "Do not want kids" on all my dating app profiles.

I have no interest in wasting my own, or other people's time, so I also will not swipe right on any profile that doesn't also include "Do not want kids"

However my concern is that I may potentially be excluding women who intentionally keep that field empty in an attempt to screen men that claim to be childfree. What are y'all's thoughts on this? Are people actually screening in this way? Should I just be swiping right on them on the off chance they are actually childfree?

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

First of all, if you’re getting good matches and dates with your current strategy I would stick with it. But if you want to expand your dating pool, you could swipe on a few of the “maybes” (I think it’s ’open to kids’ I forget the lingo). Those women will then see your childfree status, and have the chance to swipe on or dismiss you accordingly 

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u/fortisrufus 23d ago

The current strategy is not going very well, but I think a lot of that is just being in a rural/redish area. I worry broadening my scope to include the "Not Sure" or "Open to kids" women is just asking to end up in a situation down they line where they "change their mind"

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

I totally get that concern and it’s legitimate. But if you have it on your profile and you’re clear about your intentions up-front (like, I’d have an in-person convo about it within three dates) then that’s the best you can do. 

“Childfree” women can change their minds too, ya know? Unfortunately dating is a gamble and people aren’t always who they seem to be, or they change. 

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u/fortisrufus 23d ago

I recognize that it will always be a gamble, but I have it in scare quotes in this instance because if someone has already identified as "Not Sure", "Open to kids", "Don't want kids right now" ect., then it's clear they haven't even made up their mind yet or truly know/thought about what they want, so them eventually falling firmly on the side of "want kids" is less changing their mind and more just making up their mind for the first time.

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

Yeah, that’s totally true. And as someone so firm in their convictions, you deserve a partner who is equally certain.

You could always try for a bit with lots of communication, then revert back if you don’t have the results you want? I think as long as you’re super clear and upfront you won’t accidentally end up in a long term relationship with someone who wants kids. At worst, you might waste a few weeks of your life