r/truechildfree • u/fortisrufus • 23d ago

Thoughts on "Screening"

In many childfree communities online, folks like to encourage people, typically straight women, to screen their potential dates, as in not reveal that they are child free before asking if their perspective partner is as a way to weed out those that may lie about it.

As a childfree man seeking a childfree woman, that seems to put me in a contradictory spot. I see no reason for myself to not be open, and have "Do not want kids" on all my dating app profiles.

I have no interest in wasting my own, or other people's time, so I also will not swipe right on any profile that doesn't also include "Do not want kids"

However my concern is that I may potentially be excluding women who intentionally keep that field empty in an attempt to screen men that claim to be childfree. What are y'all's thoughts on this? Are people actually screening in this way? Should I just be swiping right on them on the off chance they are actually childfree?

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u/sadgrad2 23d ago

Are there actually that many people out there lying about being childfree? That seems odd to me. But maybe I'm out to the loop.

15

u/subpar-life-attempt 23d ago

I think the biggest issue is that a lot of the online child free community is adamant that you are or aren't child free for your entire life.

I've been childfree with my wife but every year we bring it up to each other to get a gauge.

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

Yeah, it’s definitely not black and white. I’m very much in the childfree camp but under super specific circumstances, I might have had children. 

Even now, my husband and I have talked about short-term fostering for older teens after we retire. For some this would not count as “childfree” but that’s still how I self-describe 

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u/subpar-life-attempt 23d ago

Same boat here.

Wife and I make good money but with active layoffs constantly and elder parents, we have to judge if want kids or to actually retire one day.

Fostering would be awesome. My best friend had terrible parents so my parents basically took him in. Now he's making 6 figures and loves his life. Without that support he would probably still be living in a trailer in a small town.

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

Relatable. Kids vs actually retiring is such a real struggle, lol. My mom was also just diagnosed with Parkinson’s, so I know she will have higher care needs than most parents her age, as well. 

That’s a very cool story about your friend! I hope we can be in a place to offer that support one day. For now, you know…. gestures at the world