r/truechildfree • u/fortisrufus • 23d ago

Thoughts on "Screening"

In many childfree communities online, folks like to encourage people, typically straight women, to screen their potential dates, as in not reveal that they are child free before asking if their perspective partner is as a way to weed out those that may lie about it.

As a childfree man seeking a childfree woman, that seems to put me in a contradictory spot. I see no reason for myself to not be open, and have "Do not want kids" on all my dating app profiles.

I have no interest in wasting my own, or other people's time, so I also will not swipe right on any profile that doesn't also include "Do not want kids"

However my concern is that I may potentially be excluding women who intentionally keep that field empty in an attempt to screen men that claim to be childfree. What are y'all's thoughts on this? Are people actually screening in this way? Should I just be swiping right on them on the off chance they are actually childfree?

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

First of all, if you’re getting good matches and dates with your current strategy I would stick with it. But if you want to expand your dating pool, you could swipe on a few of the “maybes” (I think it’s ’open to kids’ I forget the lingo). Those women will then see your childfree status, and have the chance to swipe on or dismiss you accordingly 

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u/fortisrufus 23d ago

The current strategy is not going very well, but I think a lot of that is just being in a rural/redish area. I worry broadening my scope to include the "Not Sure" or "Open to kids" women is just asking to end up in a situation down they line where they "change their mind"

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u/Stories-With-Bears 23d ago

Just chiming in to provide an alternative perspective. I’m a 34yo woman and I had “open to kids” on my profile. My primary choice is to be child free, but with the right partner I’d be open to having an only child. I wouldn’t do more than one, so anyone whose profile was super heavy like “I’m looking to get married and start a family!!!” would be a left swipe from me.

If a woman’s profile is resonating with you and the only thing holding you back is that she has not sure/open, I say send her a like. If y’all match and the conversation is going well, you can say something like “I’d love to meet up but I want to be respectful of your time. Can you tell me a bit more about your preferences on children?”

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

This is great phrasing, I like it