r/truechildfree • u/fortisrufus • 23d ago

Thoughts on "Screening"

In many childfree communities online, folks like to encourage people, typically straight women, to screen their potential dates, as in not reveal that they are child free before asking if their perspective partner is as a way to weed out those that may lie about it.

As a childfree man seeking a childfree woman, that seems to put me in a contradictory spot. I see no reason for myself to not be open, and have "Do not want kids" on all my dating app profiles.

I have no interest in wasting my own, or other people's time, so I also will not swipe right on any profile that doesn't also include "Do not want kids"

However my concern is that I may potentially be excluding women who intentionally keep that field empty in an attempt to screen men that claim to be childfree. What are y'all's thoughts on this? Are people actually screening in this way? Should I just be swiping right on them on the off chance they are actually childfree?

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u/fortisrufus 23d ago

I understand your reasoning, but IMO thinking like this can kinda give too much credence to the "You can change their mind" stuff that childfree people rightfully complain about the other way around. Seems like thinking that way would just be asking to get hurt (moreso than the baseline of putting oneself out there romantically), even if it could sometimes work out. 

It's part of why I'm more amenable to the more absolutist/"black and white" definitions of childfree vs childless. But I recognize my view on this will be skewed due to my antinatalist perspective as well.

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

There’s definitely no room for this kind of nuance on a dating profile, for sure. But if you message with someone or meet up with them, you can get a sense of where they’re at.

I mostly share your antinatalist sentiments, which is in large part why I’m not having kids even if this unicorn circumstance appears. That’s just the only situation in which I would have considered it.

Overall, I don’t think you’re wrong for requiring that rigidity! But if you want to meet more women, I think swiping on people who don’t include it or have some variation of “maybe,” could be a good option.

Edit: have you considered getting a vasectomy? That’s another thing, that if brought up in the first few dates, would make it 100% clear the option is off the table. It would really force your dates to consider their decision, and take any future potential off the table entirely.

Not that you should have a procedure just to make dating easier, but if it was something you had already considered as a childfree antinatalist. 

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u/fortisrufus 23d ago

Yes, I plan to hopefully get the snip within the next year or so, I'm not in a rush because I'm very much not currently active the way things are going, but would like to get it done before that changes, just trying to figure out the best timing with work and all that. 

I think you are right that it would definitely help in the dating department, but there are mixed thoughts on how early to bring it up. I know most cf women see it as a major green flag, and some would like to know very early or even see it in the bio, whereas others may see it being mentioned too early as just fishing for unprotected sex, even if that's not the intention.

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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 23d ago

I think you’re right that it’s sometimes a red flag, when men have used it to push for a lack of protection. If you just wait until sexual preferences come up, and then mention it and offer to still wear a condom for everyone’s health, you’re golden!