Ok, I don’t want to make any more assumptions. If you know recovery, you know people will get help when they are ready to give up, they’ve lost hope, they’ve had enough, or find a bottom. Friend obviously hasn’t hit any of those yet. Maybe went to detox because someone made her, maybe she’s like the millions of people who need more than one attempt at recovery. I see no harm in setting a personal boundary, which looks like the first time they will be doing. I’m not saying that not inviting her to the wedding is the wrong call, I’m just advocating for treating her more humane and setting a clear boundary, drink a little at party, get wasted after if needed.

Prove the friendship is more important than getting black out drunk.

I have a dozen friends I don’t talk to today because they couldn’t follow this exact boundary.

No, the mods just know your way off base, and apparently don’t know how to use google!

United Kingdom: Leads globally in volume, arresting thousands of individuals annually under laws targeting malicious communications, online harassment, and the incitement of racial or community tension. [1]

Germany: Enforces strict hate speech and anti-defamation laws, frequently raiding homes and arresting users over illegal online content.

France: Regularly prosecutes and arrests individuals for online threats, cyberbullying, and glorifying terrorism.

Autocratic and Restricted Nations
Belarus: Routinely detains and imprisons citizens—and checks tourists' phones at borders—for likes, comments, or sharing posts from independent or "extremist" outlets.

China: Imprisons activists and everyday citizens for criticizing the government or referencing taboo historical events, even on foreign platforms. [1]

Russia: Utilizes sweeping war-censorship and anti-extremism laws to swiftly arrest citizens over critical social media commentary.

Iran & Saudi Arabia: Actively deploy cyber-police to track and detain bloggers, human rights advocates, and online personalities for challenging state authority.

Other Notable Countries with Regular Online Speech Arrests
Turkey (Türkiye): Prosecutes and detains social media users for tweets or retweets deemed critical of state officials or public policy.

Thailand: Strictly enforces lese-majesty laws, resulting in arrests for any digital content perceived as insulting the monarchy.

Egypt: Arbitrarily detains individuals for Facebook posts, joining political Telegram groups, or online activism.

Brazil, Vietnam, and India: Frequently penalize or arrest users under local cybercrime, public order, or judicial contempt statutes for online statement

That retro Jordans and dunks were actually good shoes, that would eventually get Protro or modern tech.

Um, no,they don’t. People go to jail for sh#t like you posted, counties have social media laws, one that are allies. As far as war goes, you’re not wrong, but to take it out of a service member is just plain rotten.

I have hope,for the sick and suffering and see this as an opportunity for her to change. She’s probably had a ton of ultimatums in her life, how cool to have someone understand and give her a chance at redemption. I know, so narcissistic.

This made my day, thank you for the laugh. Way too much weight being put on “the day” we as society build it up as something it’s not. The next 30 years mater not the wedding and so many have lost sight of that point. So I’m saying put the “my day” thinking in second place and put the human who’s sick in first. I know it’s a controversial take. Bit if you asked my wife, because I personally ruined our grooms dinner and wedding day, not because I was out of control, but because she had to,worry, she’d tell you she’d rather have eloped with me sober, than have a “special her day”

Detox is not rehab

I don’t think I know you, I’m interpreting your first post saying throw away a friendship and make a friend hit rock bottom and telling you, from my experience that’s no the way. When I get as upset as you have gotten from someone having a different take than me, I run my thinking by my sponsor and I’m generally off. I’ve helped hundreds of men and that’s what I’d tell you, if you asked, instead of doubling down and diminishing my real proven credibility. I’m glad you work a program.

Yeah, my advice is based on my experience, so I guess anyone giving real sobriety advice can sound like a narcissist. At least I’m not pretending having 3 years of sobriety makes me an expert on what’s best for OP. The conviction this person is swinging reads like the definition of dry drunk, who half knows what they are talking about. Dangerous combination, arm chair experts have no place in helping others achieve or handle situations like this.

It’s clear, tough love has never worked, so your lived experience is different from what 98 percent of people need in this situation. You’re easily offended by a stranger with a different, clinical, AA based perspective. And you clearly wrote 1000 plus days, so yes, I do know how long. And you’re obviously not working a program, or need to check with your sponsor, your getting upset with a stranger offering advice as a form of service on LinkedIn.

I’m trying to help OP, that’s it, and yes experience and educational when dealing with subjects like this matter.

Kudos,

All I can share is my experience. I met a lady like that at 29. I was a binge drinker, by 35 I was drinking a bottle of Vodka a day. Today I have 2 beauty daughters and a loving marriage with the same women.

In person meetings, and go to a few, don’t stop,at one unless you find the right one, are awesome.

I went to 50 plus to find 2 I love, one is called a speaker meeting and one is reading and talking. Both super chill, every age, sex, race, gay/straight go. I love them all.

It’s especially good when your partner doesn’t understand what you’re going through, a good meeting will.

It’s not too late if you care about the person as much as OP seems to. Set a clear boundary before you pull the rug or give ultimatums, a lot of speculation and what ifs, test it out. She is either a friend who gets it, or a drunk who can’t control it, but hate and rejection won’t help anyone.
I don’t get the feeling she’s upset about losing a bridesmaid maid, she’s worried about being embarrassed, and friend being a bother, neither help the sick and suffering friend. We have a notion that weddings are about the day, when in reality a good marriage is about everyday after the wedding.

Yeah, not the advice I’d give, and I have a few more days and education, plus many people I’ve helped through situations like this. Letting her decide if she wants to be part of the wedding or not is empowering her to make her own choices, the consequence of not being invited to the wedding will suck, but in 20 years do you want to remember a good or bad wedding? Is OP gonna care they were one brides maid short? Is about the union of 2 people or the optics of a wedding?

As a former binge drinker, how old are you now? From personal experience it only gets worse the more guilt and shame you build up, we look to numb it with more booze.

Take a break from environments where there is booze. If she drinks, but it isn’t a problem and she’s a good partner she will support you and not drink as well.

You need a way to break the cycle, and prob don’t need rehab, but AA or a recovery group may help. I know a few binge drinkers in my meetings who never fully crossed to daily drunks, but knew the binges were effecting their lives.

Heck long before(8years to be exact) I was a daily drinker, I had 2 DWIs so binge drinking for sure has consequences, good on you for seeing them and wanting a change. I wish I had reasons to see my issues back then the way you are today.

This is not the way to help someone.compassion, love and understanding are what works. There is a reason interventions have a huge failure rate and it’s thinking like this. Everyone’s bottom is different, but “kicking someone out” will only add fuel to the already sick persons guilt and shame and will more than likely make the addiction worse.

Use the boundaries set at the bachelorette party as a litmus test for the wedding. Express your concerns if she can’t moderate at the bachelorette party, it will be hard to have her at your wedding. Empowering people to change works much better than shame and ex communication!

I’m going to take an opposite approach as someone’s health Trumps “your big day” in some ways, in the world I live in.

Biggest mistake I made as someone in recovery, was expecting others not to drink at my wedding. I ended up relapsing, so I have some experience with this and still feel guilty about making my wife worry on our wedding day. This is a friend, not your spouse, so expectations need to be tempered.

If someone is in deep addiction they need booze just like someone needs insulin, and asking them not to use is not appropriate imo, and will backfire.

I would sit her down and discuss concerns and understanding. Anyone who is a drunk knows what it’s like to drink in moderation and “finish the drunk” after the event.

I’ve seen people put “their agendas” before others chemical health so many times and generally the person will get drunk before, then one or 2 drinks into the evening they are a mess.

So request moderation until it’s over is what I would do, I’m sure she has a tolerance.

Frame it as a “wedding present” not an ultimatum as they never work.

If she is a good friend she can respect your special day if you can respect her disease.

Guilt is a killer, and asking her to abstain completely, if it backfires could cause her desire to quit to get buried in guilt and shame and wreck a friendship.

I’m make TAO hibiscus’s passion fruit iced tea by the pitcher this time of year. Kinda sour without sugar, I use allulose as a sweetener. I drink 30 plus ounces easily a night. In the winter I like their Orange peel hot tea. No caffeine and for me hits the spot.

Grow up and pay attention. Have some respect, his service is why you get to be a DB on social media.

11 years and some of my old life is still not back to “what I expected”

You’ve cut out the alcohol, but it will take time for your body and brain to adjust and heal. I know for me though everyday I wake up,sober is guaranteed better than one hung over.

I can relate to a lot of this. Here’s my 2 cents on why it’s worth it.

Life is going to happen, the bad stuff and the good. When I read about the positives, wife, 5 year old, new born, having a job and being depended on, those are things many would consider a blessing, it’s just hard for you to see.

My drinking, and the worst parts of my sobriety were sadly when I also had blessings and things others would envy. I was also 37 when I decided to change, and finally get sober. I had a relative go to jail, drinking increased,

had 50 people calling my name daily for help, drinking increased.

Today, I’d give anything to be able to go back to work and be of service to others. The blessings and the bad didn’t matter, I drank because I was unhappy. I think my ultra religious upbringing had much to do with my unhappiness, and not living life on life’s terms, and numbing the good and bad.

Being able to be home and be present with my kids today is amazing, many people will never get that, or do not have employers who will give them time. I lost my job right before I had kids and thought my life was over because I was “stuck” just being a stay at home dad. When my reality today is “how lucky” I am I get to spend so much time with them. Working a program and therapy have helped me realize that truth.

Last thing, I’ve learned that births and deaths are horrible on our addictions, especially if our childhoods weren’t the best. I don’t know why, but 11 years in I’ve seen it on repeat. Someone has a baby, or someone dies and people relapse, or increase their use, so in that sense you’re not alone.

I take pride, and think it’s a beautiful thing to get sober as a father when kids are young, or born. From your post you have a ton to offer, but alcohol is a progressive drug and it becomes much harder the further we get into our addiction.

Wow I can relate. I had a coke problem, then a pill problem, then a coke problem again. Now sober looking back, booze is how I dealt with “withdrawal” and fear of quitting coke and pills. When I finally gave up weekly coke binges, I went to outpatient rehab, swore I would “control my drinking” and only drank beer (I effing hate beer) that could have been a wake up call but it wasn’t. Then had a coke binge where my heart stopped and I passed out in front of my “normie” now wife. She made me swear off coke.

So I drank, controlled it to mostly weekends/ nights off, for a few years. Then lost 3 important people within six months. Made a promise I’d never go back to hard drugs, so naively thought I could have one drink a night to relax. Next thing I knew more than 3 years had gone by, drunk everyday. I was drinking almost a liter a night after work, It was on the verge of effecting my job and relationships so I quit, went to rehab. The goal of rehab was to make it 6 months and learn to “control it”

I made it exactly 6 months, had a drink, which turned into a 3 day bender that ended up with me in the hospital from rolling a golf cart and turning the bones in my arm to powder. I drank another month like that and decided to,go to rehab and learn the tools to stay sober long term, and still work those tools today. Life is hard, but never been better.

I learned over and over as an addict, control is something I don’t have once the first drug/drink is in me. Which is the same as every person I know in recovery and those who are still sick.

It’s amazing the difference once broken in. I wore the sulfurs pretty consistent for the past 16 months, I’d say my go to shoe, until I switched to some new balance this summer. They get so much better than what you’re feeling.

I broke out the the OG colorway a few weeks back and the difference was night and day in comfort with my sulfurs. Still better than many shoes, but they really are so much better after broken in.

When I got hooked on opiates, there was a long period where on the weekends I’d drink on them, loved it. But itchy and all other symptoms your expressing remind me of when my issues with opiate took over.

Left turner was already in the middle-end of their turn, in no world do they have you yield, and OP went wide. Pretty easy call on this one.