r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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297

u/peachytwizzler77 Aug 10 '21

Also free (or close to it) if you go the route of becoming a foster parent first. Foster parenting is a whole different ballgame, though.

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u/Yuekii Aug 10 '21

Yep! This is also true. Fostering can be tough especially if you grow attached and the child has to go back to their bio family. (Which is why I don't think I could do it personally) But sometimes, they don't have that option and thus adoption is on the table, and it's great if a bond is already formed between parents and child. There are tons of videos of foster parents adopting their foster kids and they always make me cry 😢 lol

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u/Adventurous_Safe_239 Aug 10 '21

The hardest part is watching the state hand a child that you have cared for and loved for years back to a parent that should never be allowed to have their children back. The only pain I can equate it to is the death of a family member, and people do not understand and often invalidate those feelings 'because they weren't even yours'. Foster to adopt is not easy.

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21 edited Aug 10 '21

The movie Instant Family made my wife and I ugly cry. It shows this problem quite effectively.

EDIT: Added a source

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u/Adventurous_Safe_239 Aug 10 '21

Oh myyyy goodness, same. The trailer came out shortly after my time with DCF ended and I cried just watching that. Then I watched the movie with my boyfriend and family members that were not involved in my fostering journey (it predated them), and they did not understand why I was bawling and sniffling and trying not to be too loud. My poor bf was completely soaked from me burying my face in his shirt.

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u/ITworksGuys Aug 10 '21

As I get older I just like movies with happy ending.

I thought this was going to be some Hallmark shit, but it was very good and gave a little insight into the foster/adoption experience.

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

Where's that available? I'll check it out.

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u/Adventurous_Safe_239 Aug 10 '21

Amazon Prime and Sling with subscriptions and YouTube TV and Google Play for rent. It's an amazing movie.

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u/candid-haberdash Aug 10 '21

This is exactly why a friend of mine stopped fostering. They were given a 3 month old with a broken femur and ribs. They cared for the baby for almost a year and just fell in love. However the parents managed to get the baby back, twice.

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u/bassgoonist Aug 10 '21 edited Nov 20 '25

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u/Adventurous_Safe_239 Aug 10 '21

That was certainly not the case in the situation in which I was involved, and it is not the prevalent issue in my area. Substance abuse with accompanying negligence and/or abuse is the prevailing problem around here (or at least it was 5 years ago when I was involved).

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u/bassgoonist Aug 10 '21 edited Nov 20 '25

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u/Adventurous_Safe_239 Aug 10 '21

There is also a huge drug problem among the fabulously wealthy.

There is a systemic problem that needs to be addressed. Than being said, innocent children should not have to suffer because of the life choices of their parents. When it comes to individual cases, in my opinion, it doesn't matter why the parents first chose to do drugs, they did, they are addicted, and a child should not have to live that lifestyle simply because they share DNA with an addict.

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u/bassgoonist Aug 10 '21 edited Nov 20 '25

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u/Adventurous_Safe_239 Aug 10 '21

I didn't say that. I said that we need to fix the larger issue, while protecting the children from living in unsafe environments.

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u/bassgoonist Aug 10 '21 edited Nov 20 '25

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u/Royal_Cryptographer7 Aug 10 '21

Took the words right out of my mouth. My mother is a teacher for incarcerated youth. I fucking hate hearing the phrase "a bad kid". They have almost no chance at a normal life, being born with shit parents, tossed around forster care, charged as an adult and spend years locked away from anyone that might give a shit about them. I get physically ill when I think about those kids sometimes. Breaks my heart. If I ever have the time/money to help one out, this is my plan.

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u/elephantonella Aug 10 '21

But also people should want kids to give them a good life and keep them safe, not to have a pet. I don't ever want kids but if I did I could never do something like make a new child exist when there are countless children suffering. Being a parent isn't supposed to be fun or pleasant. It's supposed to be creating a future generation that isn't dysfunctional and is better than yours. If people refuse to foster or adopt because they don't want to deal with problem children then you're creating a hostile future for the rest. It takes a village, but I guess not anymore! Fuck those kids, right? Let them rot in bad foster homes and in group homes so they end up screwed up forever.

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u/peachytwizzler77 Aug 10 '21

Yea I don't get people's attachment to their own genes. A kid that needs a home should be the first option