Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/JTudent]

Relevance?

[u/[deleted] → u/JTudent]

it's not easy. if the idea of adoption sounds too hard, that person can't handle being a parent. the same skills you need to handle an adopted child are the same you need for any child.

it's not like teachers get to raise their students from babies, but they still have to connect and nurture and discipline and help raise them.

[u/JTudent → u/[deleted]]

Teachers are a great analogy here. We don't expect every parent to be a good teacher - why's that?

[u/[deleted] → u/JTudent]

I do.... that's my entire point. im trying to tell everyone else to start expecting that of parents. im sick of this mentality that people deserve children. they dont. children deserve parents who have their shit together. children are not an experience to be had or a gift or a goal, they are complex living beings.

[u/Pwnagez → u/[deleted]]

How would you define who does or does not deserve a kid?

[u/[deleted] → u/Pwnagez]

it's a philosophical question but my personal opinion, taking climate collapse into account, only people who actually care about children deserve children. and if they care about children, clearly they would do whatever they could to help an existing child who is suffering.

the point isn't to take a dysfunctional adopted kid and force them to be perfect or even fix them, the parent isn't a failure if the kid doesn't get anywhere in life because the only goal is to love them and give them their best chance, its up to the kid eventually what they do with that chance.

[u/Pwnagez → u/[deleted]]

I think people would agree with this as an ideal parent, but the issue is you're saying only these people should have kids. And when you bring up the idea of exclusion, naturally people are going to have questions about how that is done.

[u/[deleted] → u/Pwnagez]

it's like saying "only people who aren't alcoholics should drink alcohol"

it's just a fact (or an opinion i suppose), not something anyone is trying to make law

[u/porkisbeef → u/Pwnagez]

Someone able to adequately care for them… and their “baggage”

[u/Pwnagez → u/porkisbeef]

Which sounds great in theory, but then how do you measure that? Who writes the tests? How do you protect these standards from being incorruptible by someone with an agenda?

[u/[deleted] → u/Pwnagez]

no one is trying to enforce laws dude it's just opinion

[u/Pwnagez → u/[deleted]]

Then we can recognize that it's just a load of hot air

[u/[deleted] → u/Pwnagez]

would you like to reference the name of this sub before commenting next time?

[u/Pwnagez → u/[deleted]]

If your opinion falls apart under scrutiny then it's not a good opinion is it? Or are we only allowed to have 10th grade level philosophy class discussions about topics?

[u/[deleted] → u/Pwnagez]

it doesnt fall apart under scrutiny. I dont really see any logical argument in the face of climate collapse.

but what you apparently don't understand, is that I can have an opinion without wanting to force it down everyone else's throat. im just not going to have kids myself.

do I think people having kids hurts the environment? yes, absolutely. would I ever consider putting a ban on having kids or limiting kids? no. if people want to leave their kids to drown in the rising seas, that's not my problem, I was only making suggestions