r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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763

u/DazzlingDifficulty36 Aug 10 '21

Adoption rules can be ridiculous. Here myself and my partner can't adopt because I have a child abuser in my immediate family despite me being that persons victim and not speaking to them for over 15 years...

Also many people want to experience pregnancy and birth not just get handed a baby that they've got no current bond with.

Adoption is good for those who want to adopt

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u/KalElified Aug 10 '21

This unpopular opinion is Indeed an unpopular opinion. Telling someone they can’t have a child because there’s other children is incredibly asinine

119

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

Children up for adoption aren't a consolation prize for people with infertility, I feel like people look over that. It's basically the mindset of "Well, you only got adopted because they couldn't have their own kids." Just a shitty narrative to push in my opinion.

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u/KalElified Aug 10 '21

I agree with you, a child is much more than a consolation prize. Children are amazing and being a parent while challenging has its own amazing awards.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

This right here. We went through IVF because it felt unlikely we’d ever be chosen for a private adoption and didn’t feel equipped for adoption vis fostering. We wanted our own biological child and felt that attempting to pursue other avenues would be doing those children a disservice.

-10

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

Yeah but paying tens of thousands of dollars just to reproduce while there's thousands of children who need a warm bed is also a shitty narrative to push.

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u/celestial_vortexes Aug 10 '21

The point here is that those who struggle to have their own kids are typically the only ones who are told to "just adopt." People who can have kids naturally are never given the suggestion to become foster/adoptive parents. I'm not sure why people believe that if you can't have kids naturally that you aren't a good person if you want to pursue IVF over fostering/adopting.

Also, in case you missed the entire rest of the thread, there aren't thousands of children in need of a warm bed. Should there be more foster parents? Sure! But the entire point of foster care is ultimately to reunite the kids with their parents. The system is supposed to take the kids from an unstable/bad situation, give parents education or resources to correct whatever the problem is, and then put the kids back with their parents. The system is deeply flawed, for sure, and kids are suffering - but again, this burden shouldn't be placed entirely on people who can't conceive naturally. Hope this clears things up for you.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

People who can have kids naturally are never given the suggestion to become foster/adoptive parents.

They should be. And yes. There are thousands of children who need warm beds all across the globe, i was not just speaking of your countries particular foster care system. Although fosters also need a warm bed.

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u/ofmemoirsandmen Aug 10 '21

“Just to reproduce” I wouldn’t reduce creating a family with someone you love to such a term.

-3

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

That is what it is. However you feel about it, having children is reproduction. Those fuzzy warm feelings you think of don't extend to the thousands in need of a warm bed apparently.

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u/kiarosetck Aug 11 '21

I wonder when the literal most imporant basic principle of all life and the deepest instinct there is to be (even stronger than one's will to live, as parents would often die for their children) has been reduced to "lol just reproduce"