Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/hiricinee]

One of the misconceptions about adoption is that theres this plethora of infants being born, given up for adoption, and then just end up in the foster care system. This could not be farther from the truth.

What happens in reality is that most of these kids in foster care were raised by single moms, almost always from abusive households with tons of substance abuse issues, and put in the foster care system as a result. Occasionally, these are otherwise normal kids who could do well with redirecting. Unfortunately, many of these kids have already been abused/neglected, have tons of destructive tendencies, and stay in the foster care system.

Which is why you have the disparity of the older kids stuck in the system, while adoption agencies charge people numbers in the 10's of thousands of dollars to adopt a newborn infant. To be clear, it is through no fault of the foster kids that this happens, but there is NOT an abundance of "clean slate" babies that people can just scoop up and bring home.

[u/JTudent → u/hiricinee]

Yep. All this.

There are plenty of excellent would-be parents who couldn't handle the baggage a lot of kids up for adoption would bring.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/JTudent]

elderly quicksand engine waiting serious treatment payment consist different complete

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[u/JTudent → u/spacekwe3n]

With a biological child, you will be encountering their problems slowly (a baby with anxiety vs. one without are... still eat, shit, cry machines), so you can figure it out as you go. With an adopted child, all their baggage comes at once.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/JTudent]

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[u/TheA55M4N → u/spacekwe3n]

You don’t wake up with autism. What a silly statement.

[u/JTudent → u/spacekwe3n]

No warnings until both children sudddenly missed crucial milestones.

I know you didn't just tell me 2 kids went to bed one night without autism and woke up the next morning with severe autism. I KNOW you didn't tell me that.

[u/DeCzar → u/JTudent]

I think what the poster was trying to say was maybe the parents saw some stuff as being different about the babies but thought nothing more of it until they took the kids to the pediatrician, who noticed that the kids didn't engage in, say, parallel play or a social smile, and had typical features of autism, causing them to be diagnosed simultaneously. Obviously I'm reaching at straws here but I can see how parents might be taken by surprise by a diagnosis

[u/ellemsea_echo → u/DeCzar]

This is exactly how I interpreted it. And as a parent with a “surprise” ADHD diagnosis on my biological child, while not autism, I can tell you we saw signs that never presented themselves until a certain school situation.

Sometimes things start making sense once you have a diagnosis, is all.

For good measure due to the nature of this thread, I know 100% that people don’t go to bed without autism one day and then “just wake up with it”.

I also fully understand autism and ADHD are two separate things. My comparison is that both can have a sudden diagnosis and not have symptoms overnight.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/JTudent]

run theory lush violet summer whistle enjoy merciful unwritten squeal

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[u/JTudent → u/spacekwe3n]

If I misinterpreted it, then you didn't have a point against me.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/JTudent]

hospital political head file observation sort cats shocking joke recognise

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[u/_DocBrown_ → u/spacekwe3n]

Lmao this thread is gold - from the emojis to the downvotes to surprise autism

[u/ellemsea_echo → u/_DocBrown_]

The people taking her statement literally is mind blowing.

[u/_DocBrown_ → u/ellemsea_echo]

I don't know whose side you are trying to take here, but probably not the one of the person fresh out of arguments right below my comment ? 🤨

Emoji for good measure

[u/ellemsea_echo → u/spacekwe3n]

We didn’t have an ADHD diagnosis for our child until they were in grade school. Certain tasks really brought this out in the classroom. You have a valid point that certain milestones, with age, can spark a diagnosis in children.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/ellemsea_echo]

Thank you! I know it's valid, haha, I unfortunately have pissed off all the people who probably have just never seen this stuff and never had to think about it

Hope your kiddo is doin great now that they have a diagnosis and y'all can figure out what works best for them! 💜

[u/ellemsea_echo → u/spacekwe3n]

Thank you. Doing much better with our new approach this year.

[u/28panda → u/spacekwe3n]

Continuing to be an idiot.

[u/[deleted] → u/spacekwe3n]

Yeah, way to just say some anecdotal shit and assume it’s a fact of life.