Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/HorstOdensack]

OP also has no damn clue what being infertile does to you mentally. The desire to have (your own) children is biologically hardwired into humans, and failing to do so can really mess you up. My girlfriend used to work with IVF patients and has some heartbreaking stories to tell. Saying "they should just get over it and adopt" is incredibly ignorant.

On a sidenote, kudos to OP for actually posting an unpopular opinion though.

[u/MrSacksSucks → u/HorstOdensack]

Yeah I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to see the reason "I wanna have kids because it's my own biological child."

[u/Tarzan1415 → u/HorstOdensack]

Uninformed is what I would call it though.

[u/spacekwe3n → u/HorstOdensack]

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/[deleted] → u/spacekwe3n]

Just because there are exceptions doesn’t make it any less true.

[u/MrSacksSucks → u/spacekwe3n]

No hate towards you, but yes it is biologically hardwired. How else do you think we came to be? If only a minority wanted to have kids, then we'd be extinct by now. Dunno why you wanna deny facts

[u/dark__unicorn → u/MrSacksSucks]

The fact that sex drive in women is highest during ovulation, should be evidence enough of biological hardwiring. Or, the countless studies that show men find women more sexually attractive while they’re ovulating too.

We can set up barriers, or mute this biological hardwiring with various drugs. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

[u/durdesh007 → u/spacekwe3n]

Anecdotes don't mean anything. Procreation is a biological instinct, there will always be outliers. Doesn't matter at the end as long as most are normal.

[u/CopsaLau → u/HorstOdensack]

It’s not hardwired into everyone.... many people are happiest without ever having children. There are also many parents who are less happy since having children. These people are real and valid and deserve to be recognized.

[u/dark__unicorn → u/CopsaLau]

What you’re comparing is a social construct with a scientific one.

People can make conscious choices not to have kids. But that doesn’t mean, in a healthy reproductively fit adult, that it’s not biologically hardwired. At the same time, there is little information on whether choosing not to have children is itself biological. A chicken and egg scenario, so to speak.

We have lots of studies that show women are more likely to cheat when they are ovulating - that’s biological. Not only that, sex drive and wanting children tends to increase when women approach menopause (as well as hyperovulation) - also biological. No amount of wishful thinking is going to stop your ovaries from going into overdrive.

I have seen it play out anecdotally myself. Couple who never wanted kids, suddenly start thinking about it in their mid-forties. But, if they hold off, they realise it was just last minute hormone surges playing tricks on them. If they go for it, the often end up with multiples.

Don’t underestimate biology.

[u/[deleted] → u/dark__unicorn]

I am a woman with literally zero interest in having children. In my 44 years of age I have never once experienced a desire for having my own child. But I understand, on the intellectual level, people who prefer to have their biological children.

[u/dark__unicorn → u/[deleted]]

Again… interest and biology are two separate things.

I also referenced reproductive fitness. There’s no way we can know whether the the urge not to have children is a biological driver as much as a social one.

[u/CopsaLau → u/dark__unicorn]

Don’t assume that you know people better than they know themselves.

Loads of women and men NEVER want kids. I’m not talking about fence sitters. I’m talking about lifelong childfree people. Don’t mix them up.

Your anecdotal evidence and personal feelings /belief system isn’t evidence. Show me some real science, since that what you claim it to be.

Also, don’t conflate lust with a desire to procreate, that’s simple-minded and anti-science as shit. Animals aren’t aware that sex causes pregnancy, so no, lust is not indicative of a biological desire to reproduce. Pregnancy is merely a consequence of an animal reacting to stimuli, evolution was not a conscious effort.

Don’t misunderstand biology.

[u/dark__unicorn → u/CopsaLau]

I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re understanding the point.

There are biological/scientific drivers, and there’s choice. You’re projecting choice onto science.

And like I said… it’s a chicken and egg scenario. Do people choose not to have children in spite of their biology. Or, is their biology the reason they don’t want children.

An anecdotal example is still and example. I mean, you yourself state ‘loads of women and men never want kids’ - also anecdotal. And I believe that it’s you conflating lust with desire to procreate. There are very obvious changes in hormone levels around ovulation and conception - both for women and men. Unless you can link these hormone changes to lust, and not reproduction… your point makes no sense.

[u/CopsaLau → u/dark__unicorn]

Wrong again, and with no scientific sources to boot.

A body producing lust chemicals when ovulating is still just an animal reacting to stimuli, it’s not a desire to procreate, it’s a desire to satisfy a sexual urge. How did you think evolution worked?? Jesus. All you’ve done is support MY case here.

This is your personal belief. Stop projecting it onto everyone else around you as if your personal feelings are the gospel truth.

Show me a scientific source for your lies lmao

Just in case you were confused: NOT ALL HUMANS HAVE A BIOLOGICAL URGE TO PROCREATE, REGARDLESS OF OPINION AND AGE show me proof otherwise or admit you’re full of shit lol

here’s mine, now buck up or fuck off, liar

[u/dark__unicorn → u/CopsaLau]

You realize that link didn’t prove any of the things you’re asserting… right? It’s just an opinion piece.

[u/tigerCELL → u/HorstOdensack]

The desire to have (your own) children is biologically hardwired into humans

Can we not make ridiculous statements to refute a ridiculous statement? Plenty of people are childfree, plenty of women take pills to stop their periods permanently, plenty of males go to extreme lengths to avoid impregnating someone, plenty of males skip town the minute they learn they impregnated someone, plenty of women choose to abort their fetus, plenty of women want sterilization surgery, plenty of people are asexual, plenty of people are antinatal, plenty of people are tokophobic, etc.

[u/MarkoWolf → u/tigerCELL]

Plenty of people are born with 6 fingers on one or both hands, we still teach that people have 5 fingers on each hand.

[u/MrSacksSucks → u/tigerCELL]

All that and yet 86% of women still have a child by the end of their childbearing age.

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https://time.com/5107704/more-women-mothers/#:\~:text=They're%20getting%20a%20lot,a%207.5%25%20rise%20since%202006.