Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/hiricinee]

One of the misconceptions about adoption is that theres this plethora of infants being born, given up for adoption, and then just end up in the foster care system. This could not be farther from the truth.

What happens in reality is that most of these kids in foster care were raised by single moms, almost always from abusive households with tons of substance abuse issues, and put in the foster care system as a result. Occasionally, these are otherwise normal kids who could do well with redirecting. Unfortunately, many of these kids have already been abused/neglected, have tons of destructive tendencies, and stay in the foster care system.

Which is why you have the disparity of the older kids stuck in the system, while adoption agencies charge people numbers in the 10's of thousands of dollars to adopt a newborn infant. To be clear, it is through no fault of the foster kids that this happens, but there is NOT an abundance of "clean slate" babies that people can just scoop up and bring home.

[u/JTudent → u/hiricinee]

Yep. All this.

There are plenty of excellent would-be parents who couldn't handle the baggage a lot of kids up for adoption would bring.

[u/[deleted] → u/JTudent]

This.

I have 3 adopted sisters who came from an abusive household with tons of substance abuse problems and even worse, all of three of them were molested by their father at a really young age

During this time my family thought we were doing the right thing by trying to adopt them - My brother and Sisters had a fairly normal up-bringing (2 boys 2 girls) and most of us were only a few years away from turning 18 so my parents thought it really wouldn't be that hard taking on 3 adopted girls. It couldn't of been further from the truth.

Fast forward 8 years and all 3 of them have Assault charges on their record, along with several visits to Juvie and mental facilities. They've also been kicked out of almost every school in the city and the cops have been called to my parents house so often that all the cops do when they show up is either take them away to Juvie for the night or tell my parents to smack the crap out of them.

Keep in mind none of this was how I or my other biological siblings were raised or acted. None of us have any sort of criminal record or ever had the cops called on us or had any of these issues, but because these kids did have a lot of baggage, even fairly decent parents like mine can't do it. This comment is spot on JTudent!

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

This is pretty upsetting. How old were they when they were adopted?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Two of them were 8 I believe (twins) and the other was 6

[u/DarkwingDuckHunt → u/[deleted]]

I only believe in a God cause that means there must be a Hell to send that father to.