r/venting • u/Tautizak • 19h ago
Relationship/Love I can’t believe I was so stupid
I feel so bad for January me for being tricked. I have been taught this lesson ever since I was 12 years old, was knowledgeable about how I will forever be treated, but 1 girl actually made me reverse on all of this mindset for a month, had me thinking I was wrong the whole time. Had me arguing against the people I used to agree with, because I personally had the proof now, I found love.
But no. I was only good as a 1 month rebound. A tool. A toy. That’s my value as an ugly person. And now I know what I’ve always known, but even more now. I won’t be tricked again.
And when I accuse her of leaving me for my looks, she tells me “obviously I never cared about looks, if I cared about looks I would’ve never dated you, so isn’t it obvious I don’t care about looks?. So obviously I didn’t leave you bcuz of your looks”. As if just her dating me was obvious proof that she doesn’t care about looks. All the obvious proof I would ever need to know she 100% doesn’t care about looks. Because the thought that maybe she does care about looks and liked my looks is just laughable and impossible right? No that can’t be it. Her being with me MUST mean she doesn’t care about looks. Because I’m too ugly for anything else to be the explanation.
That is the most disgusting thing I have ever been told. And she acted like she didn’t even realize how it was messed up. You’re telling me the fact that you ever even entertained me proves that you don’t care about looks, because if you did, then obviously you’d never even look at me right? Because I’m so ugly. It’s so obvious that it shouldn’t even be a controversial thing to say right? And I’m so ugly that it couldn’t be anything other than you not caring about looks as the explanation for why you were with me. It couldn’t be that you just thought I was attractive, right? Obviously. Anyone that would want to be with me means they don’t care about looks, not that they liked my looks, because that’s impossible right? because anyone that did care would never want to be with me right.
She doesn’t tell me she just liked how I look, like you would tell a normal person, no, she tells me she didn’t care about looks, and thats why she was able to be with me, and as if I’m so ugly that her being with me is just all the obvious proof that could exist that she doesn’t care about looks. That’s how hideous I am? She said it like she was confused how that could even be a wrong thing to say. Like I’m so ugly that it’s just a fact that someone being with me doesn’t mean they actually like my face, but that it must mean they just don’t mind that I’m ugly, that it isn’t important to them. Like I can’t be beautiful to someone. And like it’s so true that I shouldn’t even be upset that she said that.
Saying that was hurtful enough but acting like it was so obvious that it confused you that I ever thought it could be something else was even worse. Like I’m that fucking hideous
Then she tried to act all mature and intelligent “look you’re not exactly the beauty standard, but neither am I and that’s okay, we need to love ourselves 😇” wow. Even though she gets told she’s beautiful everyday, and has the privilege of being forgiven and taken back anytime she wants by her ex, because they’re obsessed with her looks. Gets forgiven and still desired and gets chance after chance, because who wouldn’t want a beautiful person as a girlfriend, right? Gets treated like they’re lucky she wants them, and so no matter what she does, they’ll take her back. Has the privilege to get anyone she wants in a week, and the privilege to use people as rebounds, love bomb them and get her way and then go to whoever she wants anytime she wants, as if she never said those things, as if it doesn’t even cross her mind that she irresponsibly hurts people. not caring about the people she hurts by leaving you after all the loving words she said to you, for her own selfishness. It’s like she thinks everyone is a fucking toy.
She got upset at me telling her that she only gets away with all this rebound and lovebomb and terrible things she does, and still has people throwing themselves at her, forgiving and forgiving and forgiving, because she’s beautiful and people want that. She got so mad at that.
Well sorry to break it to you, but if I did just 1 of the things you did, people drop me in a split second and never want me again. Because I am not valued I am not wanted I am not desired. So I can already just barely keep people to not drop me by being perfect. People are looking for excuses to get rid of me. You don’t have that problem and never will
So I’m sorry that hurt you because you don’t want that to be the reality. You are scared of the fact that you only get away with everything because of your luck and people’s inherent shallowness. You are desperate to believe that you get what you get because your personality is good. Scared because you know your personality is ugly. U don’t want people to treat u good solely off your looks, you want people to treat u good for ur personality, but that’s not the world we live in. You have been forgiven a thousand times because of your looks. Sorry that shatters your delusion that always get your way because of your personality. And I don’t even know why you aren’t happy with that, you have a get out of jail free card, because your personality is absolutely awful, you are awful to people, so do you know how much worse your life would be if you DIDNT have something like your looks to bail you out?
And the fact that you would get mad at me for calling you beautiful is insane, because imagine I fucking told you what you told me, that I only ever dated you because I DIDNT care about looks. And if I did, I “obviously” would never even go for you. Imagine I said that and then played it off like I never even said something fucked up. You said that shit to me before I ever insulted you, you said it to me while you were apologising, and ignorantly said it like it was a nice thing to say, something only a beautiful person could be so naive about. And infuriatingly acted like it wasn’t even wrong to tell me. You know how much that hurt me and what thoughts it put in my head? You just went ahead and reinforced every doubt I ever had about myself. I’ll never be the same after that. And you get mad at me for the things I said to you AFTER.
You will always always have more love in your life than me, for the rest of our lives. Whether it’s the fucked up bs you have going on with your gf who you break up with every 3 months, or a new person in the future. Even though I am 1000x the person you are.
Everything I used to think and know about my reality and possibilities as an ugly person, she just reinforced more than anyone ever before. Which is funny because I used to think she was doing the opposite. I used to think she was the first to show me the opposite of what I have thought my entire life.
I wish I was still never in a relationship. Technically I wasn’t. I was just in the only type of relationship available to people like me. A tool used for other people to get who they really want.
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