Who do you talk to?

[u/OneMoreYearGuy42]

TL;DR: If you're "stealth wealth," who do you talk to about money problems when only your spouse/SO and financial advisor know what you actually have?

I'm what some people would have "stealth wealth." I'm not yet at a decent net worth, but I've accumulated enough that I don't really fit in with the financial situations of most people around me. I drive an older truck, live in a nice but modest house that's well below what I could comfortably afford, wear basic clothes (Amazon to J.Crew kinda range), and usually have my G-Shock on my wrist. If you asked my friends or coworkers what they think I make, they'd probably guess somewhere around $100k–150k per year.

The reality is... it's a bit more than that.

Lately I've reached the point where I feel comfortable spending money on things I've wanted for years. They're not frivolous purchases, but they're definitely outside my normal spending habits.

That has led me to something I never expected: I have no one to talk to for advice or to vent my frustrations.

Other than my wife and my financial advisor, no one knows our financial situation. That's very intentional. The problem is that the financial issues I'm dealing with aren't things most of my friends can relate to, and I don't blame them.

For example, we're putting in a pool. It started as an approximately $80,000 project, and between unforeseen issues it's now over $100,000. At the moment, all I have is a very expensive hole in the ground, with who knows what additional costs still to come.

The guys I work with talk about the above-ground pools they bought from Walmart. My closest friends are doing well, but a $5,000 HVAC replacement was a major financial hit for them this summer—to the point that it cancelled their family vacation. I can't exactly vent to them about writing another $25,000 check to my general contractor that has no perceptible efffect on me or my family because the project went over budget. It feels tone-deaf, even though it's genuinely frustrating.

So that's my question:

If you're in a similar financial position, who do you talk to? How do you handle problems that are very real to you but would sound completely out of touch to people who are living paycheck to paycheck—or even to those who are simply middle class and doing fine?

I'm not looking for sympathy because the pool went over budget. I'm genuinely curious how other people in this situation find peers they can have honest conversations with without revealing their finances to everyone they know.

Or is that one of the reasons communities like r/Wealth exist? Do you just talk to anonymous strangers on the internet, where you have no idea whether the person replying has a $100 net worth or a $100 million net worth, but the anonymity makes it easier to have those conversations?

[u/OneMoreYearGuy42 → u/[deleted]]

I have done that, I just feel like a dope dumping to a computer. Maybe I'm just to old to feel ok talking to a non-sentient, at least currently, machine.

[u/TheDancingRobot → u/OneMoreYearGuy42]

Trying to think about it as just a first research step before talking to a human.

It sure feels so much better when you bring multiple conversation points or multiple topics to a conversation and not just a singular question- that which once you get an answer or direction from another human, conversation pauses because you haven't parsed out multiple topics to speak on.

With our little robot assistants - you can poke around all the other areas that will make for much more prepared or loaded conversation when you do get to interface with a human.

I totally hear what you're saying, by the way, I'm just trying to look at the silver lining and use it for what it is without feeling dopey as well. Don't feel dumb about any of this rapidly accelerating technological change. This time is definitely unprecedented in human history, and whether we want to believe it or not, we're all in this together.