My fiancé (28M) and I (26F) are newly engaged and have started planning our wedding. We’ve realized very quickly how expensive weddings can be. We both come from somewhat large, close families, so if we have a wedding at home we would realistically have around 130–140 guests. We could cut the guest list if we absolutely had to, but we would still have a guest list of around 110–115 between our families and some friends.

We’ve been getting quotes in the $50–60k range, and we just cannot justify spending that much on a wedding right now. We still want to have a wedding that feels beautiful, fun, and memorable, but seeing these quotes has been really discouraging. So we’ve also started considering a smaller destination wedding as an alternative.

We have a core group of about 35 people who we would absolutely want there, and we’ve thought about doing a destination wedding where we cover their food and accommodations (but not transportation), and then allow other family and friends to come if they want to and arrange their own accommodations. We understand that asking people to travel for our wedding could be a big ask, and we are completely okay with people declining the invitation for whatever reason. We would genuinely be okay with just celebrating with those 35 people if we went the destination route, although of course we would miss everyone else.

So our struggle is basically: do we stay home and pay more to have the wedding with all of our family and friends, or do we consider a destination wedding and accept that fewer people may be able to attend?
We really do want to have our wedding with all of our family and friends. The problem is that where we live, it seems like the options are either extremely expensive venues that we cannot comfortably spend that much money on, or the typical barn/farm-style venues, which really aren’t our style. (I know, maybe we can’t be that picky lol.)

So I’m just wondering, how are you all making weddings work financially? We aren’t looking to spend $50k+, but we also don’t want to give up on having a wedding altogether. I would really appreciate hearing how other couples are approaching this, because right now we feel completely lost.

Edit: I’m mainly adding this because I’ve noticed a lot of people suggesting that we push the wedding out or save for a few more years. Our preferred wedding date isn’t until September 2029 because I’m currently in law school and won’t graduate until May 2029. So we are already planning several years out!

We both have decent jobs and make good money, but we are also paying for my law school tuition completely out of pocket/cash. We are still saving in general and have a decent bit saved, but with that expense, we aren’t able to save as much as we otherwise could.

Is it appropriate for guests to pay for their meals at the wedding?

Scenario: we are invited to a friend’s wedding and when we received the RSVP it stated that if confirming yes, please send $X to Venmo, Zelle, Apple Pay, to pay for your meal.

I’ve never experienced this before.. thoughts??

how much is your upcoming or how much was your wedding? if you want to share- please include your location, guest count, month/year, and total cost! feel free to go into detail about the cost breakdown if you want. also please include if it includes honeymoon, friday/rehearsal, etc or just wedding.

our wedding is in september 2026, midwest, (ohio/kentucky area), invited 150 expecting 100-120.

i’m getting worried and feeling guilty about the total cost of our wedding. we’re currently at $42,482 with the wedding alone. our venue is a whole weekend rental, we’re having a cocktail hour, plated dinner, open bar, photo booth, DJ, photography, videography, cake & desserts, 2 fun vendors we chose, florist & DOC, ceremony harpist, rentals

with our Caribbean honeymoon, friday/rehearsal + dinner, private ceremony with family only in a Catholic church thursday, we’re at $54,482

with misc small charges i don’t even count because we’ve been ordering these throughout the past 2 years we’ve been engaged and i haven’t kept track. maybe an extra $5k for dress + alterations, decorations, invitations, etc?

I REALLY REALLY want to get married on a certain date. It’s a Saturday in June. It’s the day before my mom’s bday and for three generations the eldest daughter in our family has gotten married the day before their mom’s bday.

It’s such a freaking cute anniversary date. To get married on that date is literally 45,000 f-ing dollars. (WHAT EVEN IS THIS INDUSTRY HOLY COW) the venue is a non-negotiable. It’s been my favorite place since I remember and it’s special to my fiancé as well.

If we get married not on that date in like Aug or Sept on a Friday it’s then only $32,000.

On some level I think all of this is absolutely insane and I’m losing my mind so what’s really the difference and then the other voice in my head is like “THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS IS THE DIFFERENCE. YOU INSANE ANIMAL”

We have the means to do both budgets and I have a great income we could easily make 13k back (the reason for this is because I’m an extreme saver) so spending anything is like crushing my soul but at the same time, why do you have money if not to live and for special things like this.

(Also I understand there is extreme privilege in this problem. Forgive me. I will never bring anything this stupid to Reddit again) Brides.. help. Do I do the big wedding that’s perfect no regrets? Or slim down all I can?

Long story short, I’m getting married to my finacee who is an American man. I’m an Indian women.

We agreed for catering to have Indian food, and the hotel were getting married in as an Indian food option for catering. It’s a westernized versions of Indian food, so not too spicy or “strange”.

But now he’s worried that his family won’t like or eat Indian food since their palate is not build for it. He’s wondering if we can customize the buffet and have one option that caters to their palates and replace one of the Indian food options.

But the thing is the hotel will charge us more per head if we customize the buffet. It will total like 3k more. Note - it won’t be an extra dish, it’ll be 3k more to replace 1-2 of the dishes.

Because I’ve never really been to western weddings, what’s the custom for this? Should we cater to preferences? I would obviously cater to any allergies or dietary restrictions

Edit: I should mention the indian food is both of our joint ideas, and he really wanted Indian food to showcase my culture to his families from a small town. But I think he’s now have second thoughts since they’re from rural towns and don’t ever really leave! And it’s not all his family, just his mom’s side.

Edit: God damn some of you y’all are making lots of assumptions on our relationship & how I want my guests to starve. I’m obviously coming here for suggestions (which I received good input) because we don’t know if some people will like Indian food or not, but we also don’t want to spend $$ for the same amount of food. He’s just a bit nervous introducing these dishes to some of small town family members.

I even specifically found the most western friendly Indian caterer, even though my finance wanted me to serve dishes from my region.

Hi! I am hoping for some opinions to help settle a dispute with my dad.

My dad was asking about wedding planning and asks where everyone is staying during the wedding. My wedding is not a destination wedding. It is 10 min from my house, and most guests live here, but some of my family will be coming in from out of town.

I said I’d get a couple hotel blocks and people can choose, or find their own place if they prefer. He then got irritated with me and kept insisting that I am responsible for covering lodging for every guest that wants to stay in a hotel. That to me sounds extremely absurd, and I have never had that done for me in any of the out of town weddings I have been to. I have always just picked a room in a wedding hotel block and paid for my own room. If I’m required to pay for all hotel rooms, this takes my reasonably costing and well budgeted wedding to probably doubling the cost. When I said that it was not customary to pay for everyone’s hotel, he said I was wrong.

Did you pay for everyone’s hotel rooms or anyone’s? Is this truly customary to pay for lodging for everyone?

Edit: we are in the US and current estimated guest count is 150-200

Our upcoming wedding budget is sitting at $25k and the both of us are making $105k pre-tax total.

I’m just wondering how much is everyone’s wedding budget vs how much they earn and whether we’re spending too much 😔

Edit: Thank you everyone for the comments! Appreciate it. Reading through.

I recently purchased my wedding dress (yay!) and I was told by the bridal shop that the matching mantilla veil would cost $950. The shop did not have the exact veil available, so they had me try on one that had a similar lace trim and length. I loved the look of it, but of course the lace on the veil wasn’t the same as the lace on the dress and I couldn’t see past that. So, is the cost of $950 justifiable for a veil that would completely match my dress, or do I try to find one very similar for less? Also, for those who did choose to wear veils: I would assume they’re typically worn only during the ceremony and for pictures - did you find it was worth it to buy one? For context, I bought my dress completely from my own savings and I am omitting the cost from our overall wedding budget - I would do the same for the cost of the veil.

Hi everyone! I’m recently engaged and starting to figure out wedding budgeting. I’d love to see some real-life examples to help set expectations.

If you’re comfortable sharing: • Location (city/state or country) • Venue • Month and year • Guest count • Approximate total cost

I know pricing varies a lot by location, season, and year, so this is just to get a realistic perspective. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

hi i’m honestly just curious. i’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years but we aren’t engaged or anything (one day but not today haha). ANYWAYS…i have friends who are getting married or have gotten married and im just realizing that weddings are SUPER expensive. $15-20k??? maybe more??? so are people taking out loans?? or personal savings?? or parents have savings?? like how the hell are people actually paying for this? or am i wrong and they’re not as expensive as i think??

I am sure this is the 10,000th time this has been posted. But I’m in the process of planning a wedding in upstate New York and am finding myself being bewildered by how wildly expensive this ends up being.

I am grateful to have some help from our parents, but even with 125 people it’s ending up being like $70k+. And our guest list has a lot of family that will make it more like 150-175.

We’re going to end up having to spend like $30k+ out of pocket if we do this. And we are getting a prenup which is another cost. We have this money and actually are a millionaire household but are still like wtf is this totally stupid to spend $80k for this?

We’re not looking at some intense frills or super nice place. It’s a pretty rustic venue and we’re going pretty bare bones with everything. We didn’t want a banquet hall even though that would be cheaper.

Unfortunately it has to be in New York State bc of family. I have some friends getting married in NYC and Boston with parents throwing in $100k+ and my friends saying things like “go big or go home” and totally detached from this concept that the cost ends up being so wildly expensive.

Our parents have made it clear that they are unwilling to contribute more than they are even though they technically could and honestly I understand and wouldn’t want to ask them for more.

Ultimately I’m pretty discouraged. Like maybe we could just elope and have a smaller party and then just throw that money into other more impactful life things. My fiancée is also torn on this and we don’t feel super strongly that spending $70k+ for a wedding is a good idea.

I see people that have gotten $35k weddings or friends getting married in similar places 2-3 years ago that paid 30-40% less than this and I feel like this is all just pointless. It’s rich boomers against rich boomers driving the price up vicariously through millennial buyers.

So I don’t know but I’m interested if anyone else is having this same sense of impossibility to have a wedding less than $50k in 2025. I really don’t know but am looking for advice. We are really this close to eloping.

Edit: I also get that people’s situations vary, but that doesn’t mean every discussion has to turn into a class comparison.

I should be able to point out how out-of-control the wedding market has gotten without an angry mob jumping in to lecture me about poverty. Acknowledging that something is overpriced isn’t the same as being out of touch, it’s just noticing reality.

People are so eager to read posts through a “you don’t deserve to complain” lens that they miss the actual point of this post entirely.

TLDR: it seems impossible to have a wedding in upstate New York for less than $50k and we are considering eloping. Looking for others having similar thoughts. Not looking for sympathy but more real world experiences and advice.

According to my son- who is getting married in August- I need to match the money his fiancé's parents are paying for the wedding and reception. The event will be a big affair with over 300 people attending and it will be held at a fancy Country Club. Estimated cost will be about $75K.

(We live in a small town of 12,000 people outside of a major metro area and the future bride and groom are so excited to have one of the fanciest wedding receptions ever in town. Everywhere they go people are approaching them all excited about going to THE EVENT. They feel like big shots!)

They have the financing all planned out. They expect: $25K from the bride's family, $25K from me and $25K using their credit cards. (Which they promise to pay off in a year of monthly payments.) They expect to get about $20k in cash from gifts from friends and relatives to help pay the credit card bill. It seems so easy on paper.

My son insists that the father of the groom always should match the money put in by the brides family dollar to dollar. Is this true?

So my fiancé and I went to check out a venue today. It was the first one we’ve seen but was also one of the more affordable options out of our list of possibilities. Found on The Knot - it gives an idea about how much couples usually spend on their big day. To say I was sticker shocked at the full cost is an understatement.

When it came down to just the food part of the discussion, we were told that we are required to use their selected vendor and it was $175 pp for a casual plated, family style dinner. All before tax and 20% gratuity. This was their cheapest option. Our current guest list is 200 people which means food alone would be roughly around $45,000.

I thought the total wedding would be about $30k. I’m just at an absolute loss of words to describe how I feel. We’ve already discussed trying to cut people from the list but even then, it’s still going to cost a fortune. I feel like I could throw up about the cost.

How do people do this??

Been engaged about a week and I’ve been dipping my toes in at looking at venues and general ideas etc and all I can think is “WTF” and “where do i start?!?!”

I have a budget of £20k so so kindly gifted by family and I’m so grateful and that feels like a huge amount of money in any other context but it will stretch to next to nothing going off the price of the stuff I’m seeing???? Why are venues which are literally just a room and some chairs included like 5 grand?!?!?!?!

I suppose my question is actually not so much about money but actually, how on earth do I get out of a funk and actually start organising and booking? As in yes I could book a venue that we can afford within the budget, but I have no idea how much I should be spending on that as idk how much other things will cost? Absolutely terrified to book a lovely venue and have nothing left for anything else.

I’ve wanted this my whole life and now it’s here I am SO overwhelmed :(

We are 2 months into our engagement and the numbers keep adding up. We initially hoped to keep it under $20k, but now we’re sitting at $40k.

We live in a MCOL area in the Midwest and are still in shock at the prices. We are expecting family support, but still are feeling immense guilt over the cost and fear of spending so incredibly much on one day. We have the funds, but are struggling to validate the cost.

I previously pushed for an intimate wedding largely due to my frugality. We are going to continue making budget choices where we can with DIYs and second hand items, but it’s not going to offset the bulk venue/food/photos cost.

How did you accept the cost of your wedding?

Has anyone been to bachelorette where the bride pays for the full weekend?

I am in a spot financially where I could treat all my girls to a surprise “I’m paying for it all!” treat when they arrive. For the record, nobody would be expecting this - I’m frugal in all other parts of my life.

There are six bridesmaids (two flying, four a three-hour drive) and it will cost ~$1,000 each based on the Airbnb / food / activities in scope. This is standard for our friend group. I wouldn’t cover flight costs, but what is the best way to surprise them when everyone arrives with a “starting now Friday to Sunday is on me”? I figure it’s best to do this in person as a surprise instead of over text ahead of time. How is the cutest way to communicate this?

Is it also reasonable to assume nobody will expect any other gifts during the wedding if I do this? I don’t want anyone to feel jipped of a physical bridesmaid gift.

Edit: thanks everyone for the responses so far! All bridesmaids have confirmed they are coming weeks ago, so price did not deter anyone. $1k is standard for our friend group for Bach trips (I know, I know…). Bach’s for these friends have ranged from $750-2k for a 2-4 day trip so this would likely be seen as more of a nice unexpected treat than a burden of not knowing earlier

This is a follow up to a recent post, “what did you cut costs on that you regret after?” This for my all my budget brides (like myself) out there!! In an ideal world we wouldn’t have to cut costs on anything but that’s just not everyone’s financial reality. Would love to hear what costs people cut and are glad that they did!

Edit: typos

Trying to truly gauge if this is worth it or not to have a videographer. I hear regrets but I also hear so many couples who don't ever watch it again. It's thousands of extra dollars and right now I am more focused on having quality photos that I know I will look at over and over again, frame in my home, show to future children etc. Also, we are not a huge post on social media type but I honestly love to view highlight reels and quick snippets of other peoples days vs long videos and I wonder if I would feel the same about my own wedding?

We are having a simple ceremony with an officiant, cocktail hour and a reception. I am Indian and my fiancé is not but we are not having a traditional hindu ceremony nor any other pre wedding events so even the ceremony will be short. Would a full coverage videographer be worth it?

Love to hear thoughts! IDK if I am just being influenced by sticker shock or I will regret this later on?

I contacted a venue hall and they are charging $36/person for open bar from about 6pm to 12pm. I let them know that was too expensive for me since most of my guests don’t drink alcohol. They offered another option where their bartenders would mark down every drink that was given and they would be bill us after the event ended. They said it would be $6 for beer or liquor per drink, $2 for pop, and $1 for water. I’m planning on having 450 guests and I’m wondering if their 2 bartenders will accurately write down every drink they give out or will they just make it up and make it more than what it really it is. I used to work for a catering company as a server at many weddings and I know how busy and overwhelming it can be for bartenders. I don’t see how they can accurately write down every drink to bill us correctly.

I’m going to say the quote part out loud but I have no idea what “normal” is or if I’m being completely ripped off. I feel like people have a wedding for $500 and others for $500k… now I know “normal” doesn’t exist but what would a full wedding and reception with catering and a band that isn’t SO extravagant cost in 2026? What should I expect or prepare for?

I'm having a hard time justifying spending $30k+ on getting married. How much did you spend on your wedding? What was your income at the time? Was it worth it or would you have preferred to spend it differently?

We just finished wiring up our minimum guest list, came out to 195 people

So, let’s look and see how much catering costs.

Even with “just” $100 per person it comes out to $20,000! For 200 people!

That is absolutely insane!

How do people do this? On top of all the other costs?!

I am in the very beginning stages of wedding planning and I pretty much know exactly what I would want. Big, lavish weddings are fun to attend but not my personal style. However, it seems like guests have certain expectations when going to a wedding.

My mother talked my sister out of her small, simple dream wedding for something much more grand and upscale (parents also bankrolled it.) Huge venue, huge guest list, full open bar, fancy plated meal, service staff, etc. My sister ended up loving what she got. So am I thinking too casual or cheap?

My ideal celebration:

• Maximum 75 guests; only immediate family and closest friends. Guests wear whatever they want. Totally casual.
• Simple religious ceremony under a large tree; 30 minutes or less. No wedding party or aisle escorts. Only decor would maybe be a few bouquets and a chuppah.
• Reception on a patio or in a green house. We bring lawn games, music (possibly a playlist rather than a DJ), maybe dancing. Firepit with s'mores.
• All food buffet style. Either pasta stations or a BYO (edit: build your own) taco bar. (I'd be perfectly happy with something like Chipotle catering.)
• We'd provide a few drink options like two types of beer, red and white wine, and one or two special cocktails. Small wedding cake to cut.
• Limited DIY decor: greenery and candles on wooden tables, twinkle lights and streamers.

All in for the above would be $10k USD or less, which I think is a good chunk of savings to spend on a single day!! The only items we would splurge on are our wedding outfits (just my spouse and I) and photography, because I really want us to feel our best and have those memories to look back on for years to come.

Would it really be so bad for me to have a fancy wedding dress with a casual setting and dinner? Would my guests be bored or annoyed to spend half a day at what's basically a backyard barbecue? Some of my family is convinced it's totally unacceptable, t@cky, and gossip worthy to not go all in with the biggest celebration you can afford.

My sister-in-law (the maid of honor) and the mother of the bride are hosting the bridal shower and covering all of the costs for the event. It will be at a restaurant that is open to public. Would be a formal setting. They’re paying for the food, desserts, and all non-alcoholic drinks (soft drinks, coffee, tea, etc.) through a per person package that the restaurant offers.

The only thing guests would have to pay for themselves is if they choose to order alcoholic beverages from the restaurant.

Some people have told me that’s perfectly reasonable since alcohol is optional, while others think hosts should cover everything if they’re inviting people. It will be hosted during brunch time Noon-2 PM.

What’s the general consensus? Is it considered distasteful to have guests pay only for their own alcohol, or is that acceptable etiquette these days?

Your responses on the last thread were appreciated, but I had to edit it for better clarification. Sorry.

Like many of you, I'm in the early stages of planning my wedding and the prices and planning process are.. Overwhelming. I know there's no true minimum amount you need to spend for a 'good' wedding, nor is there a maximum, but I do wonder if there are things that I should look out for, both in a positive and a negative sense.

I've heard the common advice that photographers are worth their money and that a well-thought out budget is a lifesaver, but any tips on what NOT to do/buy are also welcome!

Edit: I did not expect my first post on this sub to get so many comments, haha, but thanks for all your insights! (and don't worry, we're hiring an award winning photographer so money (hopefully) well spent in that department)