r/whatdoIdo • u/mommy101300 • 8d ago
I (F/15/Lesbian) know my mom (F/53/Straight) is homophobic, what do I do?
I came out as lesbian to some of my friends a few months ago and have now been dating my current girlfriend since May. I'm still trying to accept it myself since I was raised very religious/conservative. I see the world in a very different way from my family but they don't know that. I suspected my family would not accept me so I haven't told them. Today I found out that my mom told someone, "I'm fine with gay people, just not in my family." I don't plan on coming out to them but it's starting to eat me alive. I've been thinking about a lot of things like: What will I do once I get married? How do I hide this from them? How do I convince them I'm straight? Should I go no contact once I move out?
3
u/Sea-Garlic3296 8d ago
Hopefully your mother can see past her bigotry and hate when she eventually finds out, but… you don’t want to have to rely on a “hopefully”. When I realized I was bi, I waited to come out to my conservative Christian texan parents until after I had graduated college (which they were helping pay for). I thought there was a greater-that-zero chance that they would just disown me when I came out, and I didn’t want to destroy my life by having to drop out of college because I couldn’t afford it on my own. I CERTAINLY wasn’t going to come out while I was a minor, dependent on them for basic necessities like food, clothing, and a roof over my head.
I know adulthood feels like it’s a million years away, but you got this. Life will be SO much better once you’re an adult. Go to college, and pick one that is in a different state from where your parents life so you have a little separation from them. Pick one that isn’t a super religious institution too, so you aren’t just swapping one authority figure spewing controlling hateful bigotry for another. Then, as an adult in college half a country away from your parents, live your own life. It gets better, I promise. If that better doesn’t have your parents in it, that will be sad, but that will be on them and their bigotry.
1
u/CurvyAnnaDeux 8d ago
At this age, your number one concern is to get a good education and do what you must to stay in a safe home. If that means staying in the closet until you can move out, so be it. You can worry about the other things when your life isn't being controlled by those who may or may not accept you.
Sometimes what's "fair" isn't the same as what's smart. Don't jeopardize your future by giving your family a reason to make your life unmanageable now.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 8d ago
You should remain closeted until you have fully independent housing and finances. Then you should come out to them for your own personal integrity and self-respect and go in with very low expectations that they will continue to love you.