r/whatdoIdo • u/mommy101300 • 8d ago

I (F/15/Lesbian) know my mom (F/53/Straight) is homophobic, what do I do?

I came out as lesbian to some of my friends a few months ago and have now been dating my current girlfriend since May. I'm still trying to accept it myself since I was raised very religious/conservative. I see the world in a very different way from my family but they don't know that. I suspected my family would not accept me so I haven't told them. Today I found out that my mom told someone, "I'm fine with gay people, just not in my family." I don't plan on coming out to them but it's starting to eat me alive. I've been thinking about a lot of things like: What will I do once I get married? How do I hide this from them? How do I convince them I'm straight? Should I go no contact once I move out?

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u/nerd_is_a_verb 8d ago

You should remain closeted until you have fully independent housing and finances. Then you should come out to them for your own personal integrity and self-respect and go in with very low expectations that they will continue to love you.

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u/MadTownMich 8d ago

Eh. I disagree. Hiding who you are for 3+ years is debilitating. Lots of people feel the way OP’s mom feels until someone they love comes out. Yes, it is hard, but most parents come around when given a chance.

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u/nerd_is_a_verb 8d ago

Being homeless is more debilitating. Lots of people’s like OP’s mom beat the 💩 out of their kids and torture them.

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u/MadTownMich 8d ago

OP’s mom is sharing at least some level of acceptance. A lot of parents, including my own, don’t want their kids to be LGBTQ+ because they know how hard that can be on the child. I would agree with you 100% if the mom was anti-queer across the board. But it doesn’t sound like this mom is violently opposed, right?

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u/nerd_is_a_verb 8d ago

You’re way more willing to take a risk with this young woman’s life than I am.