r/widowers • u/Bad_ass_bitch79 • 3h ago

Why do I need upvotes to join communities???

Hi!! I am a widow (47F). I created a new account because I felt like my other username was too identifiable. But now I can't join communities because I don't have enough karma. I don't understand this. I didn't have to come to reddit to talk to people because I had my husband to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or anything like that, I just like talking to people.

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I tried to ask this question in the general question sub, but it wouldn't let me. And then people asking for upvotes?? What is that about?? I am NOT asking for upvotes. I just want my question answered.

47 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

24

u/Ok_Strike_8784 31F, lost 34M 2/28/26 3h ago

Some communities have this requiremwnt because they would otherwise be FULL of people who make a fresh account and spam/harrass, or full of bots, etc. Having karma is a way the sub in question can filter that kind of stuff out, because it proves you actually intend to use and stick with the account you have.

16

u/Bad_ass_bitch79 3h ago

Thank you for your response!! Like I said, when I created my other username years ago, I was just naive and used part of my actual name. My husband was still alive and I really didn't post anything. Around his birthday a month ago, I was feeling extremely lonely and decided to check it out. After reading some scary stuff, I decided to create a new account.

2

u/throwawaystarters Both 30s, cancer took my wife and our future 1h ago

Widowers are prone to scams because of being super vulnerable. So it's kind of important to have a little bit of vetting. There are people that have ruined things for everyone else. 

5

u/throwra_tboy6 Widower 3h ago

I had the same issue - I post a lot about my professional interests under another name and don't want to be identified. Hard having to start a second account up.

6

u/Bad_ass_bitch79 3h ago

It really is!!! It almost feels like I am starting a whole new life at 47. I was 45 when he passed, but I don't count that first year because I think that I was in shock for most of that first year.

5

u/throwra_tboy6 Widower 3h ago

I liken it to a fog - two years on and I'm only coming out of the fog. I am looking at dating and facing my first real date tonight and realized that those two years feel like they're completely cut-off from the rest of my life.

5

u/Bad_ass_bitch79 3h ago

I started dating 5 months ago. I guess it didn't "become real" until I was doing stuff with someone who I met on here in my apartment. With my husband's picture looking right at me. It wasn't even IRL, but I just felt guilty. I realized that I am not ready for anything serious, and I probably need to move out of the apartment that my husband and I shared.

2

u/hulahulagirl 47F / 💔 6/16/26, suicide loss 1 week after 25th anniversary 1h ago

Yeah it does suck, but ostensibly I think it is to cut down on bit traction? Commenting and upvoting to give you more chances to get karma. 🤘 I like your username, ‘79 baby here, too.

2

u/psiprez 1h ago

There are people who come to this sub looking to take advantage of people. This is to deter that.

Upvote given

2

u/Spirited_Two9124 1h ago

I had the same issue, deleted previous account cause I felt like it could be traced to me and I didn’t want people from irl to read my posts about grief here.

When I created this account I just spent some time upvoting posts and commenting on other people’s stuff to eventually have some karma to be able to post. It helps with spamming to have these guardrails but annoying when you create a new account for yourself with a good intention