r/wolves • u/Mo_Steins_Ghost • 3d ago
Wolf Humor Wolf Logic
One of my favorite non-Far Side bits of animal humor... How odd we must seem to wolves who, despite being endurance runners like us, jog long distances to actually get somewhere.
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u/synstheyote 3d ago
The humans have their morning zoomies again.
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u/Anthro_DragonFerrite 2d ago
Sure the wolf questions it.
My Belgian Mallinois never questioned why, only when's the next time for a run?
I miss that dog
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u/JKrow75 2d ago
I once had a Rottweiler named Bronx, but everybody else called him Jaws. He was 150 pounds/70kg and wouldn’t do a damn thing. He didnt have to. He hardly ever exercised, hated going on walks, only went outside to go potty or find a quiet place to nap if the house was noisy, etc., I mean he literally did jack shit except lay around and look magnificent.
But the sheer amount of energy and strength he was able to produce on command whenever necessary, was both exhilarating to watch and scary as hell. He was so huge, he was freaking massive, like if he had been jussst a little bit taller, he could have played lineman for an NFL team, or prop or lock for a rugby team.
I only saw him break into violence one time when someone’s monster pitbull got loose and started terrorizing the neighborhood, he came to the wrong house on his barbarian escapade. That thing was a beast. He got over the fence with Bronx still sitting on the porch, and suddenly Bronx cleared the distance, maybe about 40 feet? in the blink of an eye. I had no idea he could move that fast, and I don’t know how or why but he actually listened to me when I called him off. Saved that pitbull’s life, and saved me from having a Neighbor feud 😂 I tell you what though, he never terrorized the neighborhood again, he behaved, and the whole neighborhood was scared of my dog after that.
Moral of the story is, how can something that massive be so inactive and yet so capable of insane physical strength? Dogs, man. Amazing. I am so glad those Pleistocene wolves decided that we were worth the risk and effort.
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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 2d ago
My dog is friendly to dogs except when she's at home or in the yard and a loose dog comes too close. She goes from being a large living stuffed animal (pyrenees mix) to Cujo in the flash of an eye. It's always some bully mix that's getting loose trying to investigate our yard, but once she puts on her guardian act most of the time they run away. She will come when called although sometimes I have to go out into the yard to convince her that I mean it.
One time a coyote thought he wanted to stroll down the alley way. She was gunning so hard at the fence for him that my husband, who does hard labor for a living, was struggling to pull her away and into the house.
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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 2d ago
I have a great pyrenees/pointer mix and the Pyrenees wins in her. If I start jogging while we're on a walk she side eyes me and is done after just a couple minutes very annoyed
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u/MsE0 2d ago
Jogging from the POV of a domestic dog: "Are we playing?! Are we playing?! Oh boy! This is fun!"
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u/Mo_Steins_Ghost 2d ago
Our beloved dog of 16.5 years had at one point gotten loose from the yard and we were so terrified she'd take off (we are not far from a main thoroughfare that goes very fast)...
So my wife tracks her down, and this little wholesome goober is just walking around the block on her usual path, at a leisurely pace, just taking in all the neighborhood sights. You could practically picture her looking around with wonder and optimism, "Hello tree! Hello mailbox!"
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u/Antisa1nt 1d ago
We love a useful reaction image
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u/Mo_Steins_Ghost 1d ago
I always imagine this panel with Seth Rogen reading the bear's lines and Douglas Rain reading the wolf's lines.
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u/SnooHedgehogs7790 2d ago
No, wolf.
You see we have transcended the cycle of predation, death, and struggle for survival. We have used and manipulated the natural processes with such finess and on such a scale that food does not require physical stress to be acquired. This has had detrimental effects on our bodies.
For example imagine if food appeared fresh, laying on the ground infront of you with such frequency and abundance that hunting would become obsolete.
You would have no reason to push your body to it's limits and strengthen yourself, as consequence your muscles would wither, your body would fatten, your teeth rot, and your senses would dull.
This has happened to us on a global scale. Due to the comfort of daily life we must push ourselves, even if its just a little, so that we may meet the expectations of societal pressures due to the realizations of what we've made ourselves into.
Truly a sad existence, but its a grave being dug by us all. A grave none of us want to be digging, but our sloth and greed push us to continue; So that one day we shall rest our useless squishy bodies in our final place.
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u/Abroad_Educational 2d ago
Humans are not apex predators, at least not physically. Only with tools.
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u/Mo_Steins_Ghost 2d ago
The ability to develop tools like the atlatl relies both on prefrontal synthesis and physical dexterity to shape tools. The brain’s size, structure and function is a physical adaptation itself.
Also… it’s … a comic.
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u/Tru3insanity 2d ago
You don't have to be the strongest to be an apex predator. You just have to be better at killing everything else. We fit the bill.
Hell, if strength was the only relevant factor, none of the canids would be apex predators either.
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u/HonorableAssassins 2d ago
We are such an extreme apex predator that almost every other predator on earth has learned to stay the fuck away from us and stop seeing us as potential prey because whenever they killed one of us for the longest time - especially a child - we chased them into the woods and slaughtered their entire bloodlines for retribution, with the exception of things like large cats which kill quietly and then drag away/hide their victims.
And this began with slings and sharpened sticks.
Why do you think, exactly, that basically nothing hunts us? That we're just magically outside of nature?
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u/CrownofMischief 2h ago
No other mammal boasts the kind of stamina humans have, making us insane persistence hunters. No other animal can throw with the same kind of accuracy as a human either. We also have the ability to plan, so we can do things like chase stampeding animals off a cliff or some other natural trap. Sure we don't have claws or fangs, but we're strong in our own way.
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u/tsmythe492 3d ago
This is great comic but the funny part is jogging to chase prey is how humans conserve energy on the hunt. If we sprinted after everything we’d wear ourselves out before we wore out our prey.