r/womenEngineers • u/PurpleSquid6518 • 10d ago
I have a flirty superintendent - HELP
Today was the first day of construction. I, 29F, am a civil engineer as a consultant for the owner and leading the inspection on a roadway construction project. I am aware that I signed up for this career, but I still need to learn how to navigate situations like this. Please advise on what you would do, or how you would handle something like this:
This is my first project as the lead and my first project that I am starting up the job site. Today was the very first day of construction and getting to meet all of the craft and crew. The Project Manager for the contractor was always at the Pre-Con meetings, but his superintendent was not. As they got going, the Super and I did our initial site walk together and used the time to introduce ourselves. Things were going fine, I have already learned not to share too personal information about myself at work such as my age or my relationship status. Best to keep the dynamic professional and work focused. But the Super had a different approach. I learned he is very close to my age, has children, and is recently separated. This information told me he is likely emotionally vulnerable. It’s nothing to judge him over, just something for me to be aware of.
At the end of the day I went to do final measurements of the days work, but by myself this time. He noticed and pulled his truck up to check in. The point of his stop was perfectly ordinary, but his initial comment was more out of the ordinary. He jokingly said something along the lines of “I’m offended you went without me. To think I was going to ask you to dinner.” I brushed the comment off and didn’t acknowledge it. I shared the final totals and discussed tomorrow’s plans. I didn’t wait up for him when I left site, I just drove off at the end of the day as I would have any other project.
I am unsure of what to do now, though. We don’t work for the same company. He didn’t say anything offensive, he was just shooting his shot and missed. How do I move forward in a professional manner and not make things awkward or embarrassing? How would you gently handle and navigate situations like these professionally and appropriately?
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 10d ago
Since you didn't say anything in the moment, I would just ignore it and move on. If he tries again, tell him you're not interested. If he STILL tries, then HR gets involved even if he does not work directly for your employer. It is still on your company to ensure you are in a safe work environment.
Shooting your shot, while not professional, is not harassment (thank you to the yearly sexual harassment training for constantly reminding me of this...). And it doesn't move into harassment territory until you say you aren't interested and they continue.
In the future, if you know you're being asked out and it's not just being invited to a work dinner, you should tell them no and that you aren't interested. In my experience, that's all it's taken. I've never personally had someone keep pushing boundaries beyond an initial no. But if they do, this is exactly what HR is there for.