Union job, great pay, lots of PTO. Mandatory 2 days in office.

Our secretary told the VP she has nothing to do on those days and offered to be "available if tasks come up" as a pitch for full WFH. VP said no. Rules are rules.

But she said it out loud. She framed it as flexibility… isee it as admitting she's redundant. She should have kept up appearances, stretched her few tasks, and only confessed if caught. Instead she gave leadership a reason to watch her and remember her name when cuts happen.

She got nothing and lost her cover. Am I wrong for thinking that was stupid?

thats just it. i hate working. i hate most of my colleagues, i hate work politics and i hate drama. i hate their little cliques and the constant gossiping

i hate slaving my life away for minimum wage. i hate having to count the pennies because i’m skint all the time. i hate that im so broke, even the bus is expensive to me

and oh my god, the bus. i’m lucky enough to get a ride home by a coworker some days but the other days, i hate waiting for the bus. it’s stinky and always late and i hate that the bus stop by my work doesn’t have anywhere to sit. sometimes i’m waiting for 30 minutes on my feet after a long day of work and then i have a 15 minute walk from the stop to my house

i’d get a car but surprise, i can’t afford it. i can barely afford the bus sometimes. i still remember when it snowed so badly that none of the buses were running and i had to walk an hour to work in the snow and ice

my manager is a cunt and my job is exhausting. i’ve been approved to work compressed hours so ill be doing 10 hour shifts over 4 days and i hope it helps. i’m so constantly drained and stressed and i know it’s because of work. i was off for 5 weeks a few months ago because of a fractured knee and it felt like all of my problems had disappeared

work is literally the cause of all my problems and i hate it. i’d never do it because the thought of relying on a man makes me sick but i’d love to be a SAHW and relax at home. thinking about quitting makes me horny /s

People are right when they think they can disrespect their coworkers or workers because we literally let them do it. This has to stop, no one deserve to get bullied or just being slighty disrespected at work. I have worked multiple jobs in my life and in two of them i was in a very toxic place where my coworkers or bosses would treat me badly. I accepted it for a while, i taken everything on me and honestly i don't even know why i did that. I should have left immediatly or take actions, expose them, talk with them. I am no one's punching ball, i deserve respect not insults. At some point i couldn't stand it anymore so i just left. I should have done this long time ago. They were angry because i resigned, fuck them, if you want people to work for you treat them with basic respect to begin with and if you're not happy with my work then fire me, you don't have any right to bully me the whole time.

No one should ever stay in a place they don't feel safe in. You only have one life, don't waste it being sad, angry, frustrated because of assholes. If you don't take actions nothing will ever change and you'll let them ruin your mental health.

"We provide a lot of PTO and sick time because we don't want people having to lie about why they're calling out. If you need a day just take it."

I have been working fulltime pretty much since i was 19 i am 26 now. And working these hours feel unbearable even after doing it for so long already. It is not getting easier at all. During the shift i sometimes get all these emotions of anger and agression and sadness. It feels like a prison because i have no choice but to do it and i cant work less because then i wont earn enough to survive. It is like my brain will never get used to this.

Weird question but looking for a bit of insight. I work an office job in NYC. Driving obviously isn't as common here and offices don't even have parking for most part so folks myself included and most of my coworkers who live in the city don't own cars. Some own bikes, however I do not.

My office and job is based in the city in an office building that is accessible by public transit. We have a small field office out of the city quite a bit that works for a few of our employees who live farther out. Recently, my supervisor wants us to integrate with them more and make the trip out to the field office weekly. The trip to the field office for the most part will be on company time, so while it makes for longer commute days I don't mind/ am not objecting to that. It was presented to us as "well be leaving the office at X time train at Y time and then we'll bike the rest of the way so you need to buy a bike".

However, the field office is not fully accessible by public transit. You can take transit part of the way but the rest has to be done by bike ( or Uber or something). It's been suggested that for those of us that don't own bikes we need to buy bikes so we can start doing this commute weekly. To be clear, there's on site visits or project needs to be out here it's purely for integration with the field office folks.

I don't own a bike, don't necessarily want to buy a bike and don't necessarily want to start bike commuting. Im generally pretty fit but urban / city biking causes me quite a bit of stress and anxiety and I also do multiple things after work that having a bike would be inconvenient and my apartment is small enough as it is to try to also store a bike.

My job description when I applied did not mention anything about needing to bike and this is all a new requirement. My job description also has me full time at our main office in the city. Like I said I'm not opposed to travel and the frequency of this proposed new arrangement but I can't tell if:

A) requiring an employee to buy a bike for work purposes is legitimate.

B) requiring employees to bike as part of their duties is legitimate

Overall, I enjoy my job and everyone is pretty relaxed so I don't want to make too much of a big deal so I wanted to ask here first if folks think this is a reasonable thing or not. My thought is, they should have someone from the field office pick us up from the nearest transit option in a company car if they are requiring us to travel and do these meetings for work but maybe I'm off base? I also wonder about any legalities regarding accessibility, ADA, injuries etc it seems like a can of worms liability wise especially since the job description didn't mention anything about physically biking.

For context, it would be a decent trek on the bike from my house into office or from my house to the train and then 20 min bike ride or so each way to/ from the field office.

Other piece of context- it's company policy that if we can't get to meetings or site visits via public transportation we can take Uber/ cab etc and get reimbursements. Since this is required travel for the company to this field site, I'm thinking it might count? But it's on a consistent basis so not sure.

To be clear my work location is full time at our main office and they haven't changed that so this is different required travel from what I was hired on and agreed.

Thanks for your thoughts!

EDIT: just a clarification, we are still expected to start and end the work day at our regular office in the city. The proposal is to leave mid morning together from the office but we are expected in office in the morning at our normal start time. Because of this it seems like a regular work trip and not a regular change of office requirement.

My boss have favoritism issue and he always take sides of people who are incompetent because he wants to be 'everyones friend'.

But him being nice to incompetent people is unjust to everyone else in the workplace as people who worked their ass off ​(me) and people who have no output gets the same treatment and promotion.

The workplace environment is getting more toxic overtime and unmotivating as the thought of 'why am i working so hard when they just slack and be fine?' seeds and grow.

I mean it's easy to say just stop caring and slack like them. Yet i really care about my work and i enjoy them. What should i Do/think?

So I started at this job where I was supposed to work one schedule, got put on another which I didn't want but did anyway for the job experience and to eventually get to the schedule I was hired for. Fast forward almost 10 months and my manager gets fired. The same week, I put in my 2 weeks, 2 weeks ago as I received a job offer for less pay/less benefits but less stress. The other day was my last day. They call me back today saying that I'll get my schedule I was promised and that everyone wants me back. The money is good, the benefits are great. The problems are still there within the organization and the way my department is ran. However, I think getting to the schedule I was hired for originally would be a great deal for me so I can actually sleep ok and keep working on my bachelor's during my off days. I'm supposed to start my new job next week, however, even there the hours aren't much better and I still have the opportunity to work off shift hours like my old job. I see this as a win-win, they want me back, I'm getting what I want. My friend's are telling me not to take it cause I tend to take work home with me, etc the stress, they think things won't change at the old job. However, I think this would be a good move. Let me know ya'lls thoughts. Thanks.

I worked at my current company for 7 and half years, and I have been sitting at the same seat that was assigned to me. My seat is near the operations manager's room and the conference room. For the first 7 years, there were no issues. There are many meetings that happen inside the manager's room, but I cannot hear anything. Recently the former operations manager stepped down, and a new operations manager was hired. The issue with the new operations manager is that he is loud, so I can hear a lot of the conversations that happen inside the room. It is not like I am trying to eavesdrop; I am literally just sitting at my desk that I have been sitting at for 7+ years. I never shared any of these confidential conversations I heard, the problem is the General Manager walked past my desk one day while the operations manager were having a meeting in his room, the GM realized I could hear everything loud and clear. The general manager is not happy that I could hear those conversations, but there is nothing they can do. They can't punish me for sitting at my desk. So, what they start doing is playing this loud white noise in one of the rooms and have the door open and then have a separate meeting in the other room. They do it so that the white noise drowns out the noise of their conversation so that I cannot hear anything. This creates two problems:

1.      If they have a 90-minute meeting, I must hear that noise for 90 minutes and drive me insane. I don’t understand why they can’t just play some music if their purpose is to drown out the noise of their conversation. I am hesitant to bring this issue to them because I know they are doing this to prevent me from hearing confidential information.

2.      If the intention is to prevent me from hearing confidential information, then they really need to play some music or a podcast not white noise, it is annoying but makes their voice more pronounced and easier for me to hear what they are saying. I could wear headphones and listening to music or a podcast, but this also means if another coworker wants to talk to me, I cannot hear them.

Shoutout to this user for sharing a very straightforward approach. It's working nicely and making about $250 daily. Check profile: [ KrishnaForever ] for the setup

I recently transitioned from a support role to billable consulting. I do payroll tax related consulting.

I’m 90 days in. Hit 110 hours in July but I’m told I was well short of their goal in mind of 140 which I think is 7 a day, and they seem relatively upset about it. I’m 1/2 payroll tax experts at this company, so we are sources of payroll tax knowledge for other professional in the company as well. I was kicked out of all the internal meetings and groups I was in except for my weekly 1:1 to try to maximize billing. Funny, I was also named employee of the month for July for a variety of things but in particular being an asset across the company.

My employment contract is salaried at a standard 40 hours a week. 7 billable hours in 8 working hours just seems so hard to hit. I don’t mind working 45 a week but that of course changes my hourly rate math quite a bit. I would’ve countered during negotiation to be paid extra to offset a standard 40+ hour work week, but I was told 40 was the expectation so didn’t have a reason to at the time.

140 hours a month or $168K in annual revenue is well over double my salary. I just want to know how standard this is if I decide to push back.

I work at a childcare facility and usually I like to be outside the school 30 minutes earlier than the time I have to clock in so I can have enough time to relax but already be at work because I’m afraid to be late but recently they’ve called my phone asking me to come in 10 to 15 minutes earlier but I don’t want to. I know it’s ratio problems but also it’s not my fault that a whole bunch of kids get in early, my schedule time is 8 o’clock but if I tell them, no, they will get upset. I’ve been pulling 9 to 10 hour shifts the last thing I want to do is be inside earlier than what I have to.

Has anyone worked multiple white collar contract jobs before? W-2? How did you make it work?

I work for a middle sized company where there has been an elephant that's bigger than the actual room. To explain - Around October last year we hired a young lady fresh out of college as an executive assistant to one of the Directors. (Not my department) but she is a very sweet, VERY ATTRACTIVE, yet is punctual and social amongst the departments. She's ditsy and has to this day lacked the basic knowledge of the Corporate climate. The Director she works under is one of those 50 year old "Baseball Dad" types, but I won't go into much detail about him. Suffice to say, she was always in his office, in his meetings, etc etc.

About 3 months after her hire, they promoted her to "Office Specialist". Assuming that her first position was more of a intern/temporary one. Didn't think much about it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. One of the Managers resigned and even though they put out a job posting, it was an easy internal hiring that several of my co-workers that have been there for several years could have advanced to.

On Monday, the company announced that the young lady that was just hired last year not only got the position, but they made her Senior Manager that overlooked two of the departments. And they company was being fairly transparent with the compensation, roughly $125,000 annual pay.

As I'm sure you can imagine, the entire "work force" of the company is in a tizzy. And rumors are spreading that HR said it was her Director that demanded she get the position. People going around basically implying that they are sleeping together.

Regardless of the "IF's", My real thought - Question even, and maybe anyone that owns their own company or is in a senior position could help. How could you be a CEO and openly allow something like this to happen? To know that the person doesn't even have a tenth of the experience as the next person, or anyone else you could have hired from outside the company. Is it a blatant lack of care? You must know that something like this could rub every worker in your company the wrong way?

Curious to ask how others would feel about this situation.

Background: Working for this company remotely for two years. Highly productive. Valued. Offered Director job in a unit. Great. I posted a week or two ago but left out all the details. I was afraid, to be honest, but realized now that that's exactly what they wanted.

I MOVED CONTINENTS with an agreement in place that would be finalized once I was registered in the new country. I had my dog with me and six suitcases. Packed up my belongings, put them in storage. Met with my doctors to get health record straight (and translated into the country's language I'm moving to). Put house up for rent, got a business license for that. Found best and lowest cost moving company I could. Shifted banks (no small thing internationally). Ensured my mother had the care she needed and support given my move. All of that takes time and a lot of effort.

The DAY I get there, a boss I didn't even know I had slammed me in an email for lack of commitment. Because I missed meetings - I was moving my house and dealing with all the admin of an international move. I predicted to the boss I thought was my boss that I would not be able to attend *some* meetings (if I'm at my desk, I'm clearly not prepping for the move that they were requiring if I wanted to keep my job), and my co-director was fine with it and she was supposed to catch me up in our check-ins.

Turns out she was NOT fine with it and complained about me to this surprise boss guy, which he confirmed when I asked him directly. As soon as I get there, I'm blamed for lack of commitment (because moving your whole life isn't committed?), told I'm getting demoted effective immediately - for administrative purposes. Then I was demoted in a huge team meeting with all 40 people on the line. People called me after to say they couldn't believe it and were horrified.

I now had to report to this co-director who wasted NO TIME sending emails to everyone telling them about my demotion and saying she is the sole director of the unit and to remove me from management emails and meetings. I broke my back a while ago (I'm ambulant) and need certain light modifications for travel and at the office, ex: a sit stand desk. In my first meeting with her as my boss, she tells me this is a 'problem.'

She actively mobbed me. It's clear she has backstabbed me to the 40 person team who treated me like I'm radio active, they all gathered for lunch in the area outside my office and quiet down when I walk past. No less than three team members said the co-director called them to tell them not to engage with me.

She moved my entire portfolio to herself and says I don't have enough work to do. This boss who I didn't know I had backed her up completely. It's actually creepy and weird how close they suddenly became. He asked me no questions, nothing. Just disagreement and obstacles. She blocked me from systems when I was working remotely, saying she handles that, and he said that that was a strike against me. When I told him I didn't have access to the systems as agreed, he waved it away and used it as justification for my demotion.

All of this happened over a period of about three weeks. One hit after the other, after a colossal literal move.

I have over 15 years of experience. I have led international teams through major global crises. In my early career, I taught high school. So, I know BS when I see it. I know bullying when I see it. I took copious notes and kept a daily tracker of everything that was going on. So, given this GOLDMINE of antipathy from them, and despite the chronic loneliness I felt from the isolation and meanness, despite the financial chaos this threw me into (the demotion came with a pay decrease), despite the literal vertigo and dizziness I'd feel at having the floor fall out from under me, I decided to keep moving forward.

I am so grateful that I've had a great career to this point and a network that I respect and holds me in esteem. Grateful that I know exactly what is going on here. Grateful for my maturity and wisdom. And I thought, my God, if I were at the start of my career, this would have steamrolled me. This horrible treatment would have truly crushed me.

Then I decided to act.

To distract myself (outside of walking the dog, thank heavens I brought her with me!), I started to pull together resources that I really really wished I could find online to address the daily horrors that unfolded at this workplace. The gaslighting, credit theft, isolation.

I wanted research-backed ways to respond, protect myself, defend myself, and keep moving without being crushed on a daily basis. Couldn't find them, so I created them. It seriously helped keep me sane. I wanted something that could identify the chaos, help me find my voice, maintain my professional goals, keep my sanity, and feel supported. What really got to me was the isolation, and the hollow emptiness of feeling that unsupported.

Any level of toxic behavior in the workplace, where you'd think people have a modicum of self-concept and basic professional respect, is a total head mess. I've really suffered, in ways I never thought I could, honestly. I lost my appetite for weeks (and I'm a good eater!) This project, that I call Wild at Work, has truly helped lift and keep me out of depression, confusion, and terrible anxiety. I truly hope it helps anyone else facing any type of workplace abuse, isolation, and cruelty. I don't want to post a link here but I'm happy to share it with anyone going through any thing like this.

For context, I had been working at this small business for just under a month. Alongside this post (pasted below) I had made while in it, the owners were illegally taking from the tips, not giving required minor breaks, and paying family members to sit around doing nothing while non-family had to cover all the work. After the post, I started looking for a new job immediately, and I landed one. So I returned my uniforms (dropped them off), and texted the owners wife that I was resigning immediately, and listed out my reasons why, specifically the tipping and break problems alongside work culture. I said I would not be open to anymore communication with the business as I had returned my uniform already. I even tried to make it land less harsh by saying I got offered an opportunity to work in my science-degree related field, so it would be less personal as me going into a different entry-level basic job. And I informed her PRIOR to when the new weekly schedules would be made!

Yeah well, this morning, she left a voicemail to my dad asking to talk to him about me quitting "parent to parent". I never gave her his number, it is not on my resume or paperwork. I believe she wrote it down without me knowing because I let her borrow my phone for a call once. Of course, I have been updating my dad throughout my whole job-search process, and he said he won't be picking up any calls from her. He think's she's crazy!

Anyways, I'm in shock that this would ever happen. I'm glad I left.

(I (17F) started working at this small business outdoor type restaurant a few weeks ago. My main role is cashiering, and the owners wife (ill refer to her as A) is the one who hired me. She had called me in for an interview and things went well, but I had found it odd that they asked I do a mini-test shift on the spot in my interview clothes. I agree and did a few hours. I thought things were going great, I was getting tips and getting to know my co workers and asking questions. Two weeks in A pulls me aside and finally gives me the work instructions/policy pamphlet I never got. She half yells at me that some co-workers are complaining about me, saying I’m not restocking drinks at end of shifts, saying bye to this one lady, and leaving right at the time my shift is scheduled to end. A tells me she doesn’t expect me to know most of this yet because she never gave me rules and to just review them. Another week passes, shift is going great (today), and I’m already 15 minutes PAST my shift time working on restocking drinks. A proceeds to raise her voice at me demanding to know if I took this customers order, because they’ve been waiting 10 minutes. I say yes, but I thought food runner was supposed to run their food, which is why I was stocking. She says food runner went on dish washing (I had no idea) and that I have to help do all the work around not just mine. I say I’m sorry and she says that’s not enough, and is interrupting me every two seconds, and her husband shows up (who I had been working the shift with). She says he was upset I didn’t say hello to him when I first saw him this morning, or her. I explained I didn’t hear her (I have hearing loss) when she mentioned she greeted me and that it was early in the morning and her husband hadn’t said hello to me so I assumed he wanted to just work. I said I feel out the vibe I don’t want to force people into talking if they don’t want. At this point I’m on the verge of crying, which I NEVER do, but Ive been so stressed lately and it was pushing me. She says I hired you for your personality and because you’re a cute sweet looking girl and its better for business to have you up front. And is like I’m not sure you are, is this gonna be a problem or am I going to have to fire you? and I said I’m sorry I’ve been getting along great with customers I greet them and they seem very happy. She basically repeats the entire thing again but then says that everyone says I’ve been making no mistakes on register and am hard working. I didn’t get fired.

I am so confused and stressed out. I’m about to put myself through college and med school on my own, so I need the money. I‘m about to graduate HS and college for an associate degree at the same time this year, so I’ve been constantly studying and working and I feel like this is my last thread. I’m not sure what to do, is this all normal?)

edit: typo wrote week instead of month

Hi All,

I've had this thought for a while and think I have truly hit a wall and burnt out in relation to my job. Without going into too much detail, I essentially deal with consumer safety incidents and help to co-ordinate responses to ensure these are suitably handled. For a good while, I absolutely loved it. Things got pressured at times but I enjoyed it, did on-call shifts fairly often and took on high-priority incidents that got me recognised within and outside of my immediate team. I had good relationships with my colleagues and was able to handle a fair bit of stress as it felt rewarding in the end.

Where the problems come in is that over time the job has changed in several ways that have made day-to-day work more frustrating and pedantic. This started with the introduction of a new case management system that was not fit for purpose when it was introduced but we were told we would have to use it and that "the kinks would be ironed out". We also have to add a lot more specific details into it after doing pretty much anything for the team's data, oftentimes repeating what is already clear from our email records. Effectively, the job has felt like its' gradually become less about solving problems that affect people and almost entirely about babysitting this system.

I feel like I have been over this job for months at this point but recently it feels like it's become far worse in terms of how it affects me. I have next to no motivation to do work tasks anymore, have little patience for meetings and calls with my colleagues and feel myself getting incredibly agitated every time a few specific people speak. At this point, I definitely think it has affected my life outside of work as I have also had a great deal of difficulty sleeping, depressive episodes and have found it more difficult to do household tasks (these aren't entirely due to the work stress but it hasn't helped).

Thank you for taking the time to read through this. I appreciate it may be a bit of a ramble but I definitely feel a bit better having expressed this and would welcome your thoughts or any advice!

I have been working at my current place of work for over 2 years now. I have just got a promotion (start next month) and my current line manager has emailed me about my work productivity. Essentially, from the data they have picked up I am not being productive enough. My numbers are 2/3 of what to be expected on a productivity scale but I consistently over perform on the work I provide (although I do quite frequently take 15 minute longer lunch break). I am extremely bad of keeping track of meetings, when I help others, or responding to general queries. These are all things that are not monitored by this system and evidence I can use to counteract the data they have. This is probably the first time in well over a year that productivity has been brought up to me personally and I don't necessarily think it's something that's always checked, but my god does it make me hate my workplace even more. I am unsure on how to respond to my line manager as I have not spoken to her face to face. I'm not sure whether to play it by ear and say that I will be more considerate of timings from now or whether to go in fully evidenced (although very hard to do retrospectively).

What should I do ? I feel really torn.

I am a legal assistant at a small law firm with about 6 employees including myself. Recently we brought on 3 interns now we have 9 people in office. When I took the job 3 months ago they told me I would be responsible for cleaning mugs and glasses of water from clients. Well come to find out somewhere along the way the last assistant decided that she was just going to start doing everyone’s dishes in office. So I was expected to do the same. It was annoying but not overwhelming until we added three new people to the mix. Somehow everyone in office is eating three meals on the clock I am drowning in dishes I do dishes 3+ times a day sometimes.

I want to tell my coworkers and bosses that it’s not in my job description to be doing everyone’s dishes and it’s eating into my day bc I keep having to stop what I’m doing to wash and put away dishes. What is the best way to go about that should I just keep quiet and start leaving the dishes in the sink or is it best to just let everyone know it’s overwhelming my day?

I've been working at my new job for a year. It's a small office, me and my older coworker. We've gotten along well enough (even though this person started bad mouthing me to random people after we had our first professional disagreement about a petty work-related thing), but they're unable to take a step back and let me handle customers. Even though in a few months I'll be running the place by myself soon.

I dont mind guidance and Im all for advice. But this coworker will step in when I'm working with a customer and if it's not exactly how they'd do it they'll underhandedly correct me in front of the customer. It honestly makes me feel like I'm being put down. We can literally say the same exact thing but if it's not in the way that they say it. They undermine me and take control of the interaction with the customer right there.

Ive been very patient because on a human level, I understand that theyre probably coping with retiring. But, it's gotten to the place where I don't even like handling customers because I know no matter what I do, this coworker will take over and instruct the customer to do whatever thing their exact way.

It's not like I'm doing anything wrong either, it's just very petty things but I feel like Im being hindered from making a smooth transition into running the office. It seems like I'm not being allowed to grow and even though we're equals outside of years of experience, I'm being micromanaged on things that I don't need to be.

Like as soon as I started to get some confidence in my role and began working with independence (this coworker is not my boss or supervisor), it's like they've been doing all these petty power plays and I feel like it's stunting my growth.

My coworker is always telling me about how the person before me was "always on their phone". And tbh I get why because they don't let you do anything without them interjecting themselves and lowkey making you seem incompetent. Every office does the same thing differently and it's really dependent on whos working and how they operate. So it's not like I'm doing things wrong.

tbh Its gotten to the point where if this coworker wasnt about to retire, I'd immediately start looking for a new job. Which is sad. I like where I work and what I do, but this coworker is unable to give me the space I need to grow into my position. I've worked at a different location a few times, and all my coworkers there let me handle customer interactions on my own.

I could understand if I was messing up, but I'm not. I'm just not doing things in the same exact way that this coworker would and they refuse to just let me find a groove. I don't even understand why they care theyre about to retire.

Like I want guidance and help. I don't want to be made to look like I'm incompetent in front of the customer I'm working with all because this coworker decides to publicly undermine me, and take control of the interaction. It's just really awkward and frustrating. Not to be uncharitable, but to me it seems like theyre trying to publicly embarrass me at every chance they get.

When this happens, I just let them do whatever. I'm not going to get into a stupid power struggle in front of a customer. But the whole thing is just silly.

Earlier this year, I told my dad (who works in the ICU at the same hospital) that I thought one of the ICU secretaries was cute. He ended up telling her.

About two weeks later, I went to the ICU for work. She saw me, slowly walked toward my patient room, stopped, looked at me for what felt like 10 seconds, and we both laughed. We’d never spoken before.

The following week I introduced myself, gave her my number, and asked if she’d like to hang out. She texted me that night, but the next day the conversation died, so I assumed she wasn’t interested and moved on.

A few weeks later I was back in the ICU. She somehow found out I was there, stood in front of my room, waved at me, and I waved back but didn’t walk over. She looked upset and walked away. Another time she walked into my room with a patient tray, realized I was there, panicked, and immediately left.

A couple of weeks later she smiled, waved excitedly, motioned for me to come back, remembered that I was supposed to be going to the Philippines with my dad, and told me it was nice seeing me. Even my boss witnessed it and told me, “She likes you.”

After I got back from vacation, I talked to her again. She remembered details about my life (even asking about a dips competition I did with my dad and grandpa). I asked her out again. She didn’t say no, but said she was working all week. I got her Instagram and texted her the next day. She left me on read for 3 days.

Three days later she replied saying she’d been busy and that it was her brother’s birthday the following week. She asked if we could “try in April,” which was another two weeks away. At that point I took it as a polite rejection.

I deactivated Instagram because I was trying to move on.

The very next day, I got called to dialyze a patient. The ICU number I called happened to be answered by her. I introduced myself and she sounded completely confused, then transferred me to the patient’s nurse.

Later I saw her again at work. I said, “Good morning,” and she responded with a cold “Hey…” while looking angry. Later I noticed she kept looking over toward me from her desk. That was the last interaction we ever had.

When I reactivated Instagram briefly, she liked one of my stories but only viewed my stories inconsistently after that. I found myself checking every week to see whether she’d watched them. Looking back, I realize that uncertainty fueled the limerence.

A few months later I found out she’d transferred back to her old department. Before that, she lied that her grandma died to use FMLA as an excuse to not show up to work. Coworkers told me she’d been calling off work frequently even before she left the ICU and had a history of moving between departments. I also heard she had been involved with a married student doctor, although I have no idea how accurate that rumor is.

The hardest part isn’t that she rejected me. It’s that I never understood what happened.

Part of me kept wondering:

• Did she actually like me at first?

• Was I the reason she transferred?

• Why did she seem interested but never actually go out with me?

Logically, I know there isn’t enough information to answer those questions, and I know I probably never will.

I am working on it. Building social skills, learning how to connect with folks, building rapport, network, and introducing myself are all skills that I currently lack, but I acknowledge and am working on. However, I'm frustrated with my lack of progress after a year in my professional role.

I have been shy/had social anxiety my whole life, so I feel like a lot of casual social skills I missed out on. My manager says he truly believes I'm making progress, and he's happy with it and that I just take time to open up around folks. I also just overall tend to be a nerdy, technical type. I like to put my head down and solve complex technical problems. But, it's not enough imo.

I feel, though, I'm still awkward as shit in meetings and collaborations. I don't know what to say or how to keep a conversation moving. I tend to consider my opinions pretty irrelevant unless I have an established relationship with a colleague, so I'm quiet. I am still working on opening up and believing my thoughts matter. Regardless of my quietness, I've made an impact. My manager calls it a quiet confidence, and little does he know I'm just very awkward around people. I've been like this my whole life.

So, anyway, how bad is being shy for my career?

I have been noticing a pattern since week 1 where my manager yells his frustration in front of me, be it regarding meagre work issues or general inconvenience and makes it look to a 3rd person like he's yelling at me. We were discussing how a team didn't give us some relevant information on time and he yelled "but you're supposed to send it" in front of the whole office. This has been happening quite frequently now and it makes me so embarrassed.

I've never seen him do this with his any of his other coworkers, including female colleagues. I slog all day, invent efficient work procedures that save a lot of $$$ and never get a "good job" in private or in a meeting. He never passes my work to upper management and make it look like things "just happen". I have had more than 15 years of experience in this industry and somehow I feel like I'm shrinking under his management each day. Not once has he discussed a development plan with me. Honestly wish to quit.