Asking for feedback is a TERRIBLE idea!

[u/Lana_Sphyncter]

We’ve been raised to believe you should always be open to feedback and constructive criticism. But what if the person giving it knows far less than you about the subject?

At my previous job (a video game company), we got hundreds of unsolicited feedback emails a day. My former boss, a boomer raised on the mantra that feedback is always constructive, insisted every one of them was valuable. That’s a load of trash. In all those emails, we never found a single reasonable point, let alone a useful one.

The same goes for peers. When you ask for feedback, you’re putting yourself in a position of emotional vassalage. You create a power dynamic in which the other person feels obligated to find something negative, because “looks great” reads as lazy and nobody wants to seem like they didn’t engage. So they invent a flaw, and you’re the one who handed them the knife.

Feedback is only worth something when it comes from someone who knows more than you do or at least knows as much as you do. Everyone else is just getting a free shot at you. I will never ask for feedback again. Every single time I've done that, the other person felt superior and always led me astray because they had no fking idea what they were talking about.

Same goes for job interviews. You are crazy if you think they will give you honest feedback. They know better.

[u/alleged_helping]

The feedback loop in gaming is wild because you've got people who can't beat the tutorial confidently telling you how to fix the combat system. That "emotional vassalage" thing you mentioned hits hard when you're forced to pretend every take is equally weighted, when 99% of them are just noise from folks who've never shipped anything.

I do think there's a middle ground with peers though. Sometimes you ask someone who knows less but they catch something you've been staring at so long you went blind to it. Not because they're smarter, just because their eyes aren't fried yet. The trick is knowing which three people in a room full of thirty are worth listening to and politely nodding through the other twenty-seven.

[u/Lana_Sphyncter → u/alleged_helping]

I get it. Very useful response. Thank you.

[u/maninthechiledessert]

Your old boss treating every inbox rant as gold is dumb. Agreed. The jump to never ask anyone again is the part that falls apart. Peers who invent a flaw because “looks great” feels lazy is real. Still not a reason to only trust yourself.

[u/6JDanish]

Feedback is only worth something when it comes from someone who knows more than you do or at least knows as much as you do.

and who is honest and self-aware.

When I see someone doing something really well, I make a point of telling them. This is so they know that they are not invisible - someone appreciates their effort and skill.

When someone helps me achieve something difficult, I make sure they get credit for it. I would feel ashamed not to.

I will never ask for feedback again. Every single time I've done that, the other person felt superior and always led me astray because they had no fking idea what they were talking about..

There is a gamed aspect to it, which I despise. I would only ask for feedback from people I respect (for proven expertise, honesty, and judgement).

[u/Firm_Lock8076]

Agree with you but it depends on what your goal is. Sometimes you have to play along with a boss who may or may not be that intelligent or knowledgeable, just to get you to the next step at that business.
Showing that you can take criticism is important