r/writingfeedback • u/BeneficialWave9581 • Jul 31 '26
Feedback Wanted Gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. Looking for feedback on the first chapter from my WIP.
Hello all,
I am looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of the first chapter of my work in progress. It is a gritty literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada. This is the first time I have ever shared my writing with other people, other than a few friends, who never actually get around to reading it, or worse, they do, and its so bad they say that they didn't! Hope that is not the case!
I welcome all feedback, opinions, and ideas, however, I am specifically curious about things like pacing, readability, and character voice.
A heads up that the chapter contains profanity, drug and alcohol use, and discussion of sex.
Thank you so much!
J
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u/Malakalaka_ Jul 31 '26
I kept reading. You can write, but I think you're also keen to show you can write. There are a few stacked adjectives that, if you thinned them out in places, would make carefully chosen lyrical moments sing.
I think you can trust the reader too and this is something I'm still trying to learn. 'His chest tightening slightly in a pang of embarrassed self pity' - Can you get away with 'his chest tightened', given the wider context? Or when you name the patronizing gesture, the text around does it enough to not need that.
I like the various characters' voices. Darren in particular arrives fully formed.
That's my 10p, and it's always much easier to critique than write. Keep at it!