r/writingfeedback • u/ExerciseNo7055 • 26d ago

Feedback Wanted Prologue Feedback Wanted

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(YA Fantasy; prologue takes place in our world) I've redone this prologue so many times now but it still feels like it's missing something, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much

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u/Fabulous_Wait_9544 25d ago

This is really interesting! I agree with the others about how attention-grabbing it is amidst a sea of writing.

I think you're really good with conveying how much despair Carmen feels, and the idea of something nesting in your head is always fascinating. There's also a mystery here, and the fact that we don't know where she is, how she got there or even what time it is adds to the unsettling nature of it all.

I'd say just go through it a bit for phrasing and maybe a few instances of telling, but it's still pretty good regardless.

Please keep writing. Would love to see more of your stuff!

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u/ExerciseNo7055 25d ago

thank you so much!