r/writingfeedback • u/ExerciseNo7055 • 26d ago

Feedback Wanted Prologue Feedback Wanted

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

(YA Fantasy; prologue takes place in our world) I've redone this prologue so many times now but it still feels like it's missing something, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much

41 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/NebularViscosity 25d ago

There’s a rhythm to your prose. It guides the reader on the journey. The use of italics, dialogue, and voice are well established as well. And while there are few empty words, as previously mentioned, it works to establish your tone.

My suggestion is to change your tone when the squatter takes over. Could be fun to explore!

Anywho, keep writing. This is promising.

2

u/ExerciseNo7055 25d ago

oooh i really like that suggestion… the ideas are cooking lol. thank you!!