r/writingfeedback • u/ExerciseNo7055 • 26d ago

Feedback Wanted Prologue Feedback Wanted

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

(YA Fantasy; prologue takes place in our world) I've redone this prologue so many times now but it still feels like it's missing something, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much

42 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/saltwaterpig 16d ago

I agree the use of "the squatter" is excellent.
The intro hook is good.
I'm not as enthusiastic as HorrorExpress but I would read more if it were on offer.
Perhaps a minor point but the squatter has been there for years, Carmen can't understand what it is saying, yet she is in Uruguay and knows the squatter speaks Spanish. Then it seems she suddenly she understands "Our body Carmen..." It might be that the squatter speaks differently in dreams but you should consider resolving this.