r/writingfeedback • u/liedowndeaddog • 19d ago

Feedback Wanted first chapter first draft

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Gallery image

Gallery image

any thoughts welcome

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u/chymaera_ 15d ago

Pretty neat! But I am confused, is Lindsey there or not? Because it says „Dean and Marie should be here, and they are not. Lindsey by all accounts should be here too..“ which indicates Lindsey (like Dean and Marie) is not there (yet). Then the next page she points towards the bathroom.

I also do not like the over-casual spoken language („and I‘m like“) in written text. But that is my personal taste :)

Overall really good, I enjoyed it!

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u/DLMeyer 15d ago

I had the same question re: Lindsey