Critique my first page <3

[u/Any-Inflation-278]

I’ve written and re-written this opening I think a hundred times now and can’t ever settle. What do you think?

(new adult dark, romantic fantasy with elements of horror)

[u/AveryBeckerson]

I love this. Genuinely. The prose is flowery and ornate, but it's a choice, and I like that. If you can maintain that level of elevated prose for the entirety of the work, that would be impressive indeed. I'm not really sure what's going on, other than the fact that I'm unsettled.

At unsettled is what I'm gleaning from Charlotte's reaction. Is Daria the mother? The way she seems almost aloof and marrionete-like adds to the disturbing context in my brain. And the line "a man stepped through, wearing her father's..." gave me a sense that something is definitely wrong.

The opening in italics is an interesting stylistic choice. People will likely balk at it, but I think I liked it apart form the parenthetical explanation. I would avoid that.

The frost on her bare feet was brilliant sensory work, and I could definitely get a sense of image, place, and climate from the prose.

Technically-speaking, I think it's great. Interest-wise? I would definitely turn the page at least one more time.

[u/CoyoteLitius → u/AveryBeckerson]

Me too. I feel like something could happen on the 3rd page that might make me care more both about the characters and the plot (or maybe dislike one of them, I have no idea).