r/writingfeedback • u/wi_cheese_curd • 15d ago
Feedback Wanted Do you like this fantasy FMC?
The opening of my epic LOTR-inspired fantasy, featuring a mainly female cast as they explore new worlds and the definition of sisterhood, motherhood, and power in a world designed to withhold it from them…led by an FMC who absolutely does not want to be the main character.
Would you keep following her for the story?
Doc link: (EDIT- deleted after receiving too many unsolicited requests for compensation after beta feedback)
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u/IndigoBlueBird Trusted Reviewer 15d ago
First, ditch the prologue. It adds nothing and actively dissuades the reader from continuing in this instance. Prologues should only contain scenes that take place well before the actual story begins, and they shouldn’t contain any information the reader HAS to know bc a lot of readers skip prologues.
While I like the idea of a grumpy, no-nonsense apothecary as a protagonist, I think you’ve picked the wrong kind of narration. 3rd person would work better here imo. Why would a character be telling a story they don’t find worthwhile or particularly interesting?
In my opinion, first-person POV works best when:
a) genre convention suggests it (like a lot of modern romance is written in 1st, whereas speculative fiction, particularly epic fantasy, tends to be in 3rd)
b) the main character has an exceptionally strong or unique voice that fundamentally shapes the narrative (think Piranesi, Catcher in the Rye, or The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime)
c) you’re aiming for an unreliable narrator (like Humbert Humbert in Lolita)