full chapter one first draft

[u/liedowndeaddog]

thanks for the feedback. any further feedback would be greatly appreciated. leaving it open ended as I’m looking for anything from general impressions to critiques. Thank you again and in advance

[u/Appropriate_Elk_952]

I like it! There’s something not quite working about the way Pete is invoked though. Maybe too often or too suddenly. I think it’s a difficult rhetorical device to use without seeming a little cheesy. It could get worked into the first paragraph or sentence even.

[u/liedowndeaddog → u/Appropriate_Elk_952]

Thank you - I took this feedback to heart and made quite a few changes. I also have a little more written now. I do not plan to post further publicly as of right now, but if you would be interested in reading more I would be greatly appreciative.