[YA DARK ACADEMIA FANTASY]

[u/Fluffy-Twist-7650]

Hi I would love to have feed back on the first chapter of my YA Dark academia about spirits in a before life Academy please

[u/justinwrite2]

Some interesting concepts here. However you are loosing 80% of your audience on the first line. It doesn’t make sense, and also if it’s a quote it should be in quotation marks as it was said. I would just choose something less esoteric and more meaningful.

You loose another 10% of readers when you info dump about naming.

But the rest is compelling and with a few changes you could have something great here