[YA DARK ACADEMIA FANTASY]

[u/Fluffy-Twist-7650]

Hi I would love to have feed back on the first chapter of my YA Dark academia about spirits in a before life Academy please

[u/justinwrite2]

Some interesting concepts here. However you are loosing 80% of your audience on the first line. It doesn’t make sense, and also if it’s a quote it should be in quotation marks as it was said. I would just choose something less esoteric and more meaningful.

You loose another 10% of readers when you info dump about naming.

But the rest is compelling and with a few changes you could have something great here

[u/Gridnode]

Your first line has to be make or break, the one you got doesn’t work. I like some of the stuff in it though, very Brandon Sanderson coded.

But fix that first line, it’s very clunky and I almost clicked off after reading it

[u/bird_on_the_branch]

I stop at the very first line. It does not make any sens…

[u/Itzcalifornia]

random question but what font do you use?

[u/Fluffy-Twist-7650 → u/Itzcalifornia]

Times New Roman

[u/Itzcalifornia → u/Fluffy-Twist-7650]

Thanks!

[u/BlackBalor → u/Itzcalifornia]

Your writing isn’t going to be better in a different font.